The tip:
ALWAYS check airplane toilets to be sure the lid is open before you, well . . . you know.
The backstory, explanation, and learned-from-experience reason for this tip:
Pre-marriage, I was a world traveler. I was very comfortable taking long plane trips with lots of layovers half-way across the world. Alone.
I don’t remember the exact flight when I learned this tip. I know it wasn’t the one where the guy next to me spilled his red wine on my brand new shirt.
It definitely wasn’t the one where the as-drunk-as-I’ve-ever-seen-anyone woman behind me removed her seat-belt during landing, rolled (literally) onto the floor, and stayed there until after we touched down.
I think it was the flight where they played Nothing to Lose
Anyway, I’m guessing it was because I didn’t want to miss a moment of that truly hysterical movie that I waited until the very last minute to head to the lavatory.
Before I explain exactly what happened, I must make a confession.
I . . . am . . . a hover-er.
Public restrooms and my germaphobia don’t really get along. I do try to always follow the instructions I saw years ago: “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.”
I know. That means my actual hands are basically touching the seat, but at least I can wash my hands. My hiney? Now that would be interesting.
Anyway, in my haste, I didn’t follow the above tip. Instead, I proceeded to wee-wee on what I soon (but not soon enough) realized was a closed toilet lid.
It wasn’t pretty. While I was able to spend a ridiculous amount of time in there wiping up the mess . . . there was nothing I could do to save the bottom half of my clothing. Thankfully, I had stuffed a pair of jeans in my backpack. Less-thankfully, I hadn’t stuffed any of the other piece of clothing I so desperately needed.
That’s right, I flew the rest of the way around the world (at least 14 more hours) going commando.
Aren’t you glad you stopped by my blog today for this totally-random-inspired-by-my-recent-travels-with-two-boys-who-drank-waaaay-too-much-“free”-coke-and-took-seven-trips-t0-the-bathroom-on-a-single-two-hour-flight post?
It’s summer. I take my inspiration wherever I can get it.
Oh, and the link to the movie? It’s my Amazon affiliate link.
Too funny! Had an experience with baby spit-up and no change of shirt, so had to smell that stench on myself for quite a long time. And Nothing to Lose is one of my favorite movies too! The scene where his pants catch on fire makes me lose it! Have to rewind that one every time and watch it over.
hahahahahaha. (p.s. isn’t it sprinkle when you tinkle?)
Oh, thanks for the catch! I changed it! (Always rushing when writing in the summer!)
tee hee hee hee hee. 🙂
thanks for the giggle. when do we get to see photos of the new appliances in place?
They’re supposed to arrive at the end of July! I can’t wait!
That’s hilarious! If you can’t laugh at yourself, you might as well keel over! Thanks for sharing.
HAHAHAHA. That really tickles me. I’m a “hover-er” also and I can so see that happening based on other “interesting” experiences I’ve had myself. Thanks for the laugh. 😉
I laughed so hard I had to re-read… And then I laughed all over again. I think it IS “sprinkle when you tinkle”… 🙂
And this is exactly WHY I stop over to your blog on a daily basis. Hil.air.ee.us.
Lol Reminds me of my move out here to south korea…. we came from Ft Benning GA…. flew from Columbus GA to Atlanta.. where my then 2 year old… decided to get the runs… going thru all 3 pairs of extra pants i had packed her! for a 2 day long flight… well sense this was november i had a sweatshirt… which she wore wrapped around her for the lay over in seattle and the 18 hour flight over the ocean blue! (btw running.. well flying.. from the sun is one of the coolest experiences i have ever done! ) yea… it was a long trip.. luckily my 4 year old did well… now here in a few months ill be doing it all in reverse… 4 and 6… not looking forward to it!
That sounds like something I would do! Thanks for sharing – I needed a laugh.
HIlarious!! Love your stories! I solve the “hover” issue with using layers of paper on the seat first. I don’t have a problem as long as there is something between me and the seat : ).
I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who forgets to pack a spare pair of underwear and end up having to go commando! Of course, it would have been much less embarrassing if my husband wouldn’t have found out and announced it to the whole plane!
Thanks for the laugh (and the opportunity to share with my friends that I’m not the only one who ended up flying commando 🙂
Commando is AWESOME!!! I only wear a Spanx bodysuit to church, otherwise I go commando. I like to think it’s one less thing to wash lol.
I just had to comment as I have never heard anyone else mention this occurrence. The same advice holds true for port-a-potties in the dark. I once had the same experience at an outdoor/farm wedding. Not pleasant, and no spare clothes to change into. I always double check now 🙂
At a wedding?!?!? Oh my! That’s awful!
LOL, another reason to hate airplane bathrooms, which I’ve only resorted to using once. And I’d like to smack Liz’ husband – mine would totally announce it too.
Ha ha … thanks for the advice 😉
Reason number eleventy-billion why I over-pack spare undies in my carry-on bag… That and the right change of clothes and I’m covered for a few emergency days if my checked bag goes somewhere I’m not. One of the good neuroses my momma shared with me! LOL
That was super funny! I needed that laugh.
This makes me think of the story my uncle told years ago to his delight and to his wife’s humiliation.
They were on a trip in a rural area. Uncle wouldn’t let Aunt use the restroom before they left the hotel because he wanted to hurry and eat breakfast. He promised she would be able to use the restroom as soon as they reached a suitable restaurant. But they drove along their route for over an hour looking for a restaurant he considered suitable. He finally stopped at a rinky-dink gas station in the middle of nowhere when Aunt threatened to ruin the seat of the car. As soon as he stopped, she bolted out of the car, asking the attendant in a rushed voice where the restroom was. It was an outhouse behind the station. She didn’t even balk because she was in dire need. She didn’t even listen to what else the attendant had to say as she rushed down the little path. When she reached the outhouse, the door wouldn’t open! She yanked and jiggled and yanked again. Finally the door opened. She was already yanking down her pants as she flung the door wide open. She whirled without even looking and sat down….right in a man’s lap!
Michelle,
I can’t stop laughing that is such a terribly hilarious thing to happen.
Love it!!! Love your entertaining transparency!!! Too funny!
Ok I have to share a funny now. I was mortified when it happened. Tip :Don’t eat fast food when you know you have IBS and a 3.5 hour trip. I had set out to drive the 3.5 hr trip to see my family with my 3 kids, 4years, 2 years, and a few months. I was starving because in my haste of getting ready I hadn’t eaten. I grabbed a burger and fries and hit the road kids in tow. Got about 44 min into the trip when the rumbles began. They became more urgent and I had about 20 minutes before hitting another town. I drove as fast as I dared hoping to not get stopped by a cop(Lord help me if I did). I finally get into town and the nearest place to stop is a truck stop. I had to park a fair distance away, unload two well strapped in kids, keep them from running off in the busy parking lot, while unloading the third in his infant carrier, all the while “pinching a dime” as they say. Waddle across this big parking lot, herding kids into the busy doors down the hall to the restroom. Baby starts crying, I am trying to fit the 4 of us in the stall lol! I finally get in, turn around and before I can get my pants down the gates of hades unleash!! Much to my dismay there is a person in the next stall. I see the humor now if what the person next to me heard. A humiliated, stressed out mom, who is in as quiet as possible voice, trying to explain to her very observant 4 year old, why mommy just had an accident. Then to have to throw my underwear away, finding to my relief that my pants were still clean. You can believe I waited until that suppressed chuckling woman on the other side left the bathroom. I too finished my trip commando!
I’m not going to provide the details, just four words.
Church. Out-of-town.