Once upon a time, there were two little boys.
Their mother loved them very much.
When the first little boy was not yet two years old, the second little boy arrived. Everyone was happy, and their mother could not believe how lucky she was to be their mommy.
But the mother was frugal. Others in the village might have even called her cheap. But she did not mind. Her frugality made her all the more determined that the first little boy, so snuggly and full-of-life, would soon go tee-tee in the potty.
So the mommy spent many hours, even before the second little boy was born, encouraging the first to experience the wonders of not making stinky in his diaper.
She showered him with Cheetos-puffs whenever he did as she asked, for the little boy did not piddle for m&ms. Alas, he was a strange one at times.
As time went by and the second little boy came home (full of mischief and understanding, even in his newborn eyes), the mommy became more and more tired.
And yet she stayed determined. One day, in a desperate attempt to conquer the Potty Monster before the second little boy began to crawl, she cleared her calendar and determined to stay home for an entire week so she could banish the evil diapers from the older little boy’s life forever.
On the first day, she washed seventeen loads of laundry. Alas . . . she had but six pairs of undies for the little boy.
Yes. Seventeen. For he was a stubborn little boy with much pee to spare as he began to see that the mommy meant business.
When the daddy arrived at home that evening, the mommy fell upon the floor. For she was tired before all of this began, but now she was exhausted.
Soon, the little boy saw that his mother was more stubborn than he, and he said goodbye to diapers forever.
Less than two years later, the second little boy, before his second birthday, decided that he, too, would like to tee-tee in the potty and bid the diapers adieu.
The mommy was full of joy, for she was now expecting a third blessing.
When a sweet girl-child arrived a few months later, the mommy was so happy. As she cooked and cleaned and changed diapers on this new little one, she was thankful that she no longer had to worry about the sweet little boys learning to tinkle in the potty.
And so she didn’t worry.
Until she cleaned their bathroom. And then she would fret and fuss and cry that her rags where turning yellow as she scrubbed the walls nearby.
But alas, though she fussed and fretted and cajoled, the walls and the floor continued to turn her rags yellow.
Years went by, and the little boys grew stronger and taller. They learned to cook and they learned to clean and their mother continued to love them very much and thank God for them every day.
Sadly, their aim did not improve.
And the pretty white toilet seat was no longer pretty nor white. And the mommy pretended it did not exist.
But when other children from the village came to laugh and play, her face burned with shame at the thought of anyone, even a wee child, seeing the wicked, ugly toilet seat.
And so one day, as she was preparing for a great celebration, she thought to herself . . . “I shall find a new toilet seat! I shall, I shall!”
And she did. She wrote her wish upon her shopping list and when she went to the market, she was delighted to find that just a short jaunt from the candy aisle was the toilet seat aisle.
As the village children celebrated the joyous birthday of the girl-child, the mommy also danced a jig, deep within her soul . . . for the pretty, new white toilet seat.
And the little boys (who were not so little any longer) knew that the mommy would never again buy another new toilet seat, for now . . . they were old enough to spend their own money to buy the next one.
I LOVE this!
Oh that is great – I have 2 boys and understand!
Haha! That totally cracked me up this morning! Beautifully written in the style of “I’ll Love You Forever.” Maybe this, too, will become a classic…now if only you could find an illustrator… 🙂
This is FANTASTIC!! Loved it 🙂
I love it….and it’s so TRUE…being raised just me and my mom (even the puppy was a girl) I was SHOCKED at what mess the boy variety can cause in a bathroom……so they all gather around when I clean and hear the lectures and threats of sitting only option….lol
I taught my boys that you can only stand in front of a urinal. Everyone sits to pee at my house!
LOL! I LOVE this post! It made my morning! I only have one little man in the house and have this issue! My poor daughter hates having to share a bathroom with him! Thanks for making me smile today! 🙂
LOL!!! I’ve heard throwing a few cheerios in for target practice helps. Thankfully my only boy hasn’t had too much trouble with that except nighttime occasionally. I love the idea of having them buy it themselves. They can also learn to clean up the mess themselves! That may have even more impact!
My two sons have MUCH better aid than their father. He coughed a lot while tinkling–not good while attempting to aim.
With a little boy who just turned one, this post scares me slightly. LOL
Oh my goodness, this was hysterical! Somehow, I managed to train my oldest to properly use a toilet — or rather, his daddy taught him how to properly use it while standing up. It should be interesting to see how things go now that I am about ready to train my youngest (another boy).
I am going to be giggling about this one for days! My favorite part is the part where the boys are now old enough to buy their own should it need replacing in the future. AWESOME!
🙂
You are too funny! And an excellent story teller 🙂
LOVE!!! I can relate!!! I have two boys with terrible aim – my husband and son. I used to be embarassed when they’d go outside to pee, now I’m glad. I just wish they’d pick a different spot away from the gas grill, but that is a completely different story :O)
Hehehe. 🙂 We have a nasty toilet seat I want to replace too. Only it’s in the master bed room. Someone replaced it before, but I think they got a low quality one because it’s not holding up well. At least it’s not in the “guest” bathroom. 🙂
I don’t get this. I’ve never had any children, but I did have a dad, 3 brothers, a mom, and 3 sisters. And one bathroom. And there was never a mess in bathroom.
Love, love, love this story. You probably won’t believe this, but just YESTERDAY, we were all eating dinner at our table and Campbell asked to go to the bathroom. She ran all the way upstairs to her bathroom. When I asked her why she didn’t use the downstairs bathroom she said, “There’s always pee on it.” To which I replied, “Welcome to the world of living with guys.” Mike said, “I’m sure it’s the little boys. Did you just start to notice it Campbell?” She said, “No, it’s been there, even before we brought the little boys home!!!
I’ve used that bathroom. I believe it . . .
I just replaced my toilet seats. I found them for $7 each at Home Depot. What a difference! Thanks for the post.
I have banished the males in the house to the half bath. The ONLY reason they’re allowed in MY bathroom is to shower, shave and brush their teeth….for that very reason.
Yep. That bathroom is ONLY for them.
Where might I find your affiliate link to the easier to clean toilet seat?
I love my boys but in our neck of the woods, even daddy can SIT down already. And mommy loves em all even more for it.
I love this!! So, are they buying a new one??
My boys became adults and moved out. I had always assumed the nasty yellow stain on the underside of the seat was due to them. So I replaced the seat when they both were in college. Turns out, my daughter was the cause. She must have sat too close to the front edge of the seat. Now they are all out. Time to replace all the seats in the house.