Ever wonder how to make a house look clean?
Or specifically, how (in the world) other people who say they never clean have homes that seem like a far-off and totally unattainable dream?
Or even more specifically, how those people’s homes (which they say they haven’t cleaned) look better than the house I just spent a day (or a week) cleaning?
You’re in the right place. I wondered the same thing so many times. I have felt the not-so-nice feelings towards people who’ve laughed, “Oh, I never clean!” as I sit in their perfectly orderly homes into which they let me come at a moment’s notice without a single look of pain or terror crossing their faces.
I’ve been doing this slob-blogging/online-honesty-about-my-biggest-struggle/way-too-much-introspection-and-examination-of-my-own-and-other’s-cleaning-habits thing for more than seven years, and I’ve noticed some things about these people’s habits vs my own natural tendencies.
As I’ve noticed, I’ve also realized some things.
How to make your house look clean when it actually isn’t:
Follow the Visibility Rule.
This is a rule I made up. Kindof. It existed, but I was clueless.
It’s a rule that People with Under Control Homes follow without realizing they’re following it or even that it’s a rule.
I finally realized I wasn’t following it.
And that not following The Visibility Rule was the reason my house felt messy and out of control even after a full day of cleaning like a maniac, and even worse on a random/normal when I haven’t cleaned.
The Visibility Rule: When you clean (or declutter or straighten or pick stuff up), start with the visible spaces in your home.
Resist the urge to start in the back corner of the garage. Resist the intense (like, super intense) desire to purge your sock drawer when the kitchen counters are piled high with dirty dishes. Focus any fleeting bursts of Cleaning Energy on areas people would see if they knocked on the front door.
I’m not saying to ignore the sock drawer forever, but the goal of this particular post is to answer the question about how to make a house seem clean when it isn’t. No one is going to see your sock drawer, no matter how perfect it is. They’re going to see your living room, no matter how much effort and energy you put into your sock drawer.
Deal with Procrasticlutter.
Procrasticlutter is a word I made up, but it’s a real thing in homes all across the world. And it’s THE thing that makes a mostly neat home look messy.
Basically, procrasticlutter is the last step of normal, boring, should-be-everyday tasks. The last step that gets put off indefinitely because I’m basically done.
Telling myself I’m basically done gives me permission to celebrate the doneness, and forget that “basically” actually means “not technically.”
Need some examples of procrasticlutter? Clean laundry piled high on the couch. Even if the pile isn’t all that high, it makes my house appear messy.
Hence: I’ve been doing laundry all day!! = my house still looks and feels messy.
But don’t despair. I found a totally magical (but not magical at all) solution to the clean-piles-of-undies-on-the-couch problem and you can read that here.
It’s the same with clean dishes piled in a dish drainer. They’re procrasticlutter. They’re clean, so I want to enjoy the fact that I cleaned them.
And ignore the fact that I really should put them away.
Because they don’t absolutely have to be put away.
What’s the difference between grabbing a clean glass from the dish drainer and grabbing a glass out of the cabinet?
Or grabbing some socks from the pile on the couch vs grabbing them out of the sock drawer?
Other than balancing skills required to pull a glass from the drainer without causing an avalanche, or the time needed to find two of the same kind size of socks in the pile, there is no difference.
Except I wondered why my house always looked messy.
So it’s about finishing, but it’s also about the mindset of projects vs daily routines/habits/pre-made decisions/have-to-whether-I-want-to-or-nots.
Understand that your definition of cleaning and their definition of cleaning are not the same thing.
If you’ve been a reader here for a while, you know my story of being completely overwhelmed in my home and bewildered about why I couldn’t seem to do what came so easily to everyone else in the whole wide world.
And how the thing that finally made the difference was habits.
Consistency.
Not letting things that should be done everyday (like dishes, picking up, etc.) turn into projects.
Because when I let those things turn into projects (which I always did), then cleaning my house meant catching up.
Digging out.
“Cleaning” meant hours and hours spent doing what I now know doesn’t even take 20 minutes a day if I actually do those things every day.
Which meant I rarely even got to the “cleaning” other people are talking about when they say they never clean.
To me, cleaning was catching up on the very most basics.
To them, the very most basics that should be done every day are the very most basics that get done every day. To them, the very most basics aren’t “cleaning.”
So when they say they don’t clean, they’re talking about cleaning bathrooms and mopping floors and other major jobs.
The jobs I was often too exhausted to get to after “cleaning” all day.
Turns out, the issue was that we weren’t speaking the same language.
Huh.
The question: How do I make my house look clean without actually cleaning it?”
The answer: Do the daily stuff. Stop thinking of the daily stuff as cleaning. A house that consistently experiences “the daily stuff” can look good for quite a while without big tasks.
Before you click away in despair, let me apologize. I really don’t love being the bearer of this bad news. That the super-boring daily stuff is the difference between a house that looks clean and a house that looks messy. And that the super-boring daily stuff doesn’t even count as “cleaning” like I always assumed it did.
Two things before you go:
I shared here what I have learned (the hard way) is the very least I can do to keep my house “clean.”
And my book. I know. I’m plugging it again. But if you’ve felt that what-is-it-that-everyone-else-was-born-knowing-but-I’m-missing feeling, you need the book. I explain it all. To be clear, by “all,” I mean how to manage your home without losing your mind. (Which just happens to be the name of the book.)
I’ll leave you with this review from someone who listened to the audio version on Audible:
“Hearing that other people have the exact same struggles I have was eye opening. Dana was able to translate the things my husband, mom, sisters and best friend have been saying to me my whole life. I now look at my home and all the stuff in it in a whole new way.”
You can find out more about the book here.
--Nony
Sharon says
I call the daily stuff “making peace” as in a little tidying every day makes me and my home peaceful. Cleaning is when i get to the corners and sock drawers. I only do that when I’m in the mood and have a good soundtrack lined up!
Maria says
I read your book a few months ago and have been forming new habits. Low and behold — when my dad called at late one night to inform me he had invited himself plus three others to have dinner at my house the next night — I didn’t panic. Monday I had done laundry. Tuesday (Toilet day) I had cleaned bathrooms, Wednesday he called and Thursday I just did a bit of sweeping and mopping and I was good to go. Thanks for the great tips. I’m far from having a perfect home but I am no longer ashamed of my home and guests are always welcome to stop by.
Dana White says
Oh this is so great to hear! That is a BIG deal to not panic at the thought of guests!
Lenetta says
So. I still don’t have a handle on my house. It’s better, and I have improved my thought patterns to be a little more like normal people. And then. Baby #4 is due in Oct, and mama is tired. And I don’t feel so good. Sigh. Someday…
C says
Lenetta, Your comment touched me because I was where you are only two years ago. (Fourth baby on the way) Have hope! And my best advice if you don’t feel like doing anything is to make a plan for when you have a burst of nesting energy! I remember laying on the couch thinking of all the things I needed to go through and clean out / get rid of and I made a list and prioritized it by what would make the biggest impact visually. Then I just stuck to the plan when I finally had an adrenaline rush around 8 months along I got rid of almost half of our belongings in about 2 or3 weeks! My house has never been the same and it is SO easy for my children to pick up their toys! And if it helps to know our house is only 2 bedrooms 900 square feet and I don’t have a dishwasher! Two years ago my oldest was only 5. Hang in there, there is hope! Best wishes! 🙂
Bonnie'sMama says
Hey tired mama,
Been there, done that. It’s discouraging.
One thing that has helped me, especially in those times, is to make a list, which I laminated, of the top priority jobs. This could be Dana’s Four Daily Habits or whatever she calls them. For me, it’s Start Laundry, Put Away Dishes, Start Breakfast, etc. I cross them off with a dry-erase marker. Having an actual list like this keeps me on track way better than if I tried to do without the list–even though I KNOW what ought to be done every day. Especially with alllll the disruptions that small children bring, this list makes so I don’t have to spend any mental energy trying to remember what needs to be done next.
Even if all you accomplish that day are the four things on that list, you’ll know you took care of the basics and thus you were successful that day.
I combine this with a simple, every-hour schedule which I framed and hung in the kitchen. That keeps me more on track with meals and nap times.
Hope this helps a little.
Blessings on you, your home, and the baby to come.
Another Tired Mama
Donna says
Clean means dusting, mopping, and using tools. Picked up means I can function. My brain will not allow me to function in clutter, must have clean slate, but dust doesn’t bother me, until I stir it up. I totally agree with your assessment, I can also understand the overwhelming factor of when it gets away, I’m currently looking at a suitcase from almost 2 weeks ago, it only had a couple things left in it, but procrasticlutter.
Alina @ DeclutterBlog.com says
Dana, I enjoy reading you book! Thanks for sharing your tips and experience. I’m trying to develop right habits now after realizing what I was missing.
Allison says
Had to share this funny story with you re: your 2 decluttering questions. The other day I was looking for my checkbook. I stopped and said, “Where would I look for this?” Answer? “In the table by the front door.” Except I didn’t believe myself because A) I didn’t remember actually putting it there the last time I had it, and B) I go in that table every day for keys, sunglasses, and chewing gum, but have never seen my checkbook. So I spent another day idly wondering where the checkbook was and wondering how I’d pay for my toddler’s music class if I couldn’t find it. That evening, I asked my husband, and he replied, “Well, where would you look for it?” I told him the table by the door and he said, “Then I’d look there.” I explained how it couldn’t POSSIBLY be there, but he gently encouraged me to look anyway.
Spoiler alert: I found my checkbook in the table by the door. Where I would look for it.
Moral of the story? Trust your instincts because chances are things are right where you put them, even if you didn’t remember doing it!
Dana White says
I have totally lived this exact scene!!!! This made me laugh!
Nicole says
As Dana says: “Look. Look. Always look.”
gepee says
Sooo … I’ve known this for a long time and still just can’t get myself to really do it. I’m quite good at bigger projects, so every now and then my apartment really IS quite neat and clean and organized. I also don’t have slob vision, I always can tell you with my eyes closed where all the problem areas are at any given moment. So, if I know guests are coming, no problem. I normally do “big cleaning projects” often enough that they stay doable for me. But people suddenly ringing at my door …. always a nightmare. I really would like to know how I can get myself to do daily routines …. *sigh*
What I really love about your blog is your honesty and how one can learn how different peoples brains work and that there just isn’t any “one size fits all” solution
Penelope says
I was really hoping that you had an answer other than the habits….The bar in my kitchen/family room is my nemeses! But, I know you are right. I just need to clean it off and then keep doing that every day. 🙁
Katia says
I hoped for something easier 🙁
PS.I haven’t been here for a while… and I missed you. I think I’ll read the whole blog again 😀
Kristy K. James says
I love a neat, orderly house. Specifically, my office. I work better when I don’t have stacks of stuff here, a box of stuff there, and a desktop (desk, not computer) that I know has a surface … I just haven’t seen it in a while. Time for me to start doing the daily stuff again. I needed this reminder. Thanks! 🙂
Andrea Jones says
I’ve been thinking on this same idea in the past few months. I had the realization while rereading The Hunger Games. In the first book, after the selection has happened and Katniss is whisked away to the capital she meets with her team of beauticians. They make this big deal about having to go through the scrubbing, combing, shaving, plucking, exfoliating, and general hygiene process before they can get to the fun hair and makeup part. They call that prepped-canvas stage “Beauty Base Zero.” So, I guess the goal for us reforming slobs is to figure out how to consistently be at Kitchen Base Zero, or Bedroom Base Zero, etc.
This also brings up the idea that maybe it is time to establish a propper vocabulary for these tasks. No wonder so many of us have a hard time being productive when the term “cleaning” can mean all sorts of different things to different people. So here is what I propose:
-Cleaning – Any task that reduces dirt and grime.
-Decluttering – The act of removing excess unwanted or unused items from our homes.
-Tidying – The process of deciding what will stay in a given space
-Clutter Clearing – The daily process of picking up the miscellaneous visible clutter that has popped up from daily activities.
What do you think, Nony?
Dana White says
I love this! I’d consider tidying to be decision free, and instead be the putting things back in their place. And the daily I’d call my Five Minute Pickup, but put that way they’d be very similar! But I will continue to think on this!!
Andrea Jones says
“5-minute Pickup” is a good substitution for “clutter clearing.”
I was always taught that tidying was putting things away, but since Marie Kondo hit popularity that term has kind of been repurposed. I guess that is a stumbling block with translating from Japanese to English. That is why I used “clutter clearing” 🙂
VintageHippie says
Just chiming in here to say that your ideology has changed my life and I”m 56! I’ve been doing things “wrong” for so long and I never understood WHY. You’ve made me realize that I was always looking at things incorrectly and now I actually have a plan for my clutter and as soon as school is out for summer (in three weeks here), I’ll be tackling a lot of clutter. Currently, I’m doing smaller quick projects that I can work into a few minutes, but I know I can do this now that I’ve seen how my thought process was so different from everyone else. THANK YOU for teaching this old dog some new tricks. 🙂
Beverly says
Before reading your books, I had noticed that often I would load the dishwasher, but leave a pan to soak. It was almost like I didn’t want to actually finish the task. When I would go ahead and wash the pan, it really didn’t take much more effort.
Years ago, my mother reminded me that as a kid (possibly a teenager) she would ask me to clean my room. I would open drawers and clean them out. She said she just wanted me to pick up my room ( the visibility rule), instead of cleaning drawers and my closet. I remember not seeing anything that needed to be picked up.
Crystal says
The Lord led me to your blog! And I read one of your books, have been doing what you said (you speak my language) and my house is guest friendly! I thank the Lord for you! It’s a huge thing for me and my family!
Sheila says
Thank you , Andrea Jones! As an artist, I understand the “prepped-canvas” language. If I don’t prep the canvas, or gather supplies from their proper homes, I can’t get to the enjoyable part. Thank you for the “re-framing” concept!
In addition, my husband is a new home dialysis patient. His care requires organization of supplies, routine antiseptic procedures, and new meal prep of a special diet. And might I add, sometimes lots of overwhelm.
Before you get the idea that I’m an organized person living in an immaculate home, let me say, that is far from the truth! I’m learning to do all this fairly well, because it is what I can contribute to a life-saving process. Yet, it is so hard to apply the same principles to the kitchen counter, dishes, and major clutter. I know there’s a clue in the “re-framing” or “prepped-canvas” approach. It seems to be a necessary change in self-talk, that speaks in a language that makes sense to me.
Love your audio books, Dana. They have helped to begin to change my thinking.
Nalini says
It’s never too late to learn! As a despairing, perpetually-at-a- loss clutter slob, I could never really get my house to be neat, organized and ready to welcome guests at anytime kind of ‘dressed’.. After reading your posts, you have given me a direction and an easy solution to my problems! Thanks Dana!!
artensoll says
I am here from the future.
Dana K. White, you are a genius.