As a mother, I am a leader.
Sometimes I lead by force. Sometimes I lead by encouragement.
But always, whether I like it or not . . . I lead by example.
We have had a new addition to our home in the last month. My son, who is 8, bought a DS. If you don’t know what that is (like I didn’t a year ago), it’s a hand-held video game system.
I resisted video games for a very long time. I “allowed” extended family to buy the kids a Wii last Christmas, justifying that at least it’s active. I police its use, and the kids accept that they don’t have free reign over it.
Last December, when my son’s class was writing letters to Santa, he asked for an “intendo DS.” He didn’t know what it was either, but had heard that they were the coolest things ever. Then, when he saw at Christmas that his cousins had them, he was convinced that a DS was the thing that would make his world complete.
So, I told him to save up for one.
(And now I know how my mother felt when she used the same stalling tactic on me when I was around that age and wanted to get my ears pierced. She told me later that she thought I would give up.)
He worked hard to earn money. He drank water while his brother and sister spent every dime, nickel, or quarter I’d let them spend on ring-pops and nachos at baseball games.
Right before we left on our vacation, knowing that it would help pass the long hours of driving, I decided that it was time to take him to the store to let him spend his hard-earned, hard-saved money.
But now we’re back. And it’s become yet another thing to police. My main method has been suggesting other, more brain-and-muscle-stimulating things to do. This generally worked, but the DS was showing up at all in-between moments.
So, this morning, we talked about it. I told him that we needed to set up some playing guidelines for him. And the look in his eyes (after I explained what guidelines were)?
It was relief.
He loves to ride his bike. He loves to swim. He loves to read. I can’t complain, because all of the things I want a little boy to do . . . he does with gusto.
But certain things, things like DSes (or however you would pluralize that word), pull us in, simply by their availability. Then, while they’re fun, they seem to suck away the time for other things.
As we talked, I shared with him my own struggles with the same types of issues. Mainly, the computer. I’ve mentioned here before that I have a general rule to not turn the computer on before lunch.
I can’t.
If it is on, I’m unable to resist sneaking over to it . . . to just check one little thing . . . and then I find that I’ve checked 20 little things . . . twice . . . and I’ve wasted the time that I could have used to do something else. Something that I wanted to do. Or something that I didn’t want to do, but should do . . . like dishes or laundry or mopping.
I’m constantly reminded of my own need for this “rule” . . . every time I break it. Because I do break it. In fact, I delight in excuses to break it.
Like this morning, when I needed to look up movie times. Once the computer was on, I decided that I might as well check for comments. I also might as well check my email. I also might as well check the other millions of things I like to check. And all the while, I felt guilty.
But if I follow my rule, as I do most days, I can spend the hours from lunch time to swim time fully enjoying all that this wonderful Internet-thing has to offer . . . guilt free.
There is a relief that comes from implementing well thought out, purposeful and necessary rules. It’s easy to see the truth in that as I create them for my children, but hopefully they will see the truth in that as I follow them for myself.
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