The Stuff Monster.
Really, it’s uncontrollable at times.
But as I promised in my post yesterday, I’m sharing some of the strategies I’ve developed to tame him.
I know.
I said, “Him.”
Personification of inanimate objects is one of my Clutter Issues. Attaching feelings and personality to things that have no feelings or personality . . .
Really, many of these tactics are the same ones I’ve used in decluttering the rest of my home.
Get extreme.
Just like I removed the totally-cute-so-shouldn’t-it-be-useful bench out of my gameroom . . . I removed the everybody-else-seems-to-love-these-things-so-why-doesn’t-it-work-for-us toybox from my daughter’s room when we did the big re-organization in there last year.
Both . . . worked. Meaning, once I accepted that the purpose of these objects was never going to be fulfilled in my home and that they only served as Clutter Collectors, I was able to completely remove them.
This freed up significant space, and the don’t-know-how-it-works-but-it-does positive side-effect was that once the convenient dumping ground was no longer there, the dumping stopped.
Use the “contain”-er concept.
I don’t expect this to be an easy concept for kids to grasp, since I didn’t grasp it until I was in my later 30s.
It’s one of those things I have to clearly direct with my kids.
Here’s the basic concept. I give my daughter a container for Barbies. Whatever Barbies can be truly “contain”-ed in that “contain”-er we keep. If we have more than she can fit into the container, she needs to start eliminating.
There’s something ever-so logically psychological about this. It’s a freeing concept.
If you’ve read my garage organization posts or the post about my daughter’s room, you know I don’t begin the organization process by stocking up on pretty containers. That’s a recipe for disaster around here.
(Hmmmm. I could go on and on about this concept, and likely will in a future post . . .)
And tip #3 for today: Sneak Attacks are sometimes a mom’s best friend.
Involving your kids in decluttering their rooms is often necessary and always traumatic. Many life lessons can be passed down during these (totally un-fun) parenting moments.
But . . . there’s real beauty in doing some major purging while the kids are out of the house.
I always worry that they’ll suddenly remember their favorite toy that I just sent to the curb.
I’m always amazed at the shouts of joy when they see their significantly cleared-out rooms. I marvel at the hours they spend happily playing in a place they wouldn’t have chosen to go just two days before.
Sneak attacks are stressful . . . but they work.
These are three ideas, and my brain is churning with more. The fact is that there’s no cut and dry method that works every time for every situation.
For every family.
I’ve tried many different methods, some more successful than others, and can say without a doubt that I’m glad I tried each and every one. Even the ones that didn’t work well got us a tiny bit closer to our goal of a livable home.
And the ones that helped us make huge strides weren’t always the ones I had confidence in before I started.
Just go for it.
I’ve done both too. When they were little I used Christmas and birthdays and trips to Mcdonald’s (Happy Meal toys) as an excuse for them to sort through their toys, as in “Sorry but you don’t have ROOM for any new toys, would you like some new socks instead?”
I wanted to make sure that my kids knew how to clean and how to part with clutter so I gave them lots of opportunity, lol! My oldest took to it easily and his room has always been pretty much immaculate.
The youngest is a keeper of his childhood, and practically everything reminds him of his childhood, lol! But he has been able to part with most of his childhood toys now that he’s older, except for Star Wars and a few things. So he uses lots of containers, as you suggested. His room is pretty clean except he has a lot of STUFF.
Surprising someone by cleaning something is fun! When they were little they (and their teenage babysitter) tried to surprise me by folding laundry. Unfortunately it was DIRTY laundry that they folded but I much appreciated the thought, lol!
That is SO funny that they folded the dirty laundry!
lol at the dirty laundry..
the sneak attack..KNOW your child enough to know if this will work..i did it when she was 2…6 full months after she asked about chicken dance elmo…and then cried and was devastated for the next full 6 months..so much so i bought the darn thing again at a garage sale…
fast forward to now she is 11 and her room isnt working…she has aspergers and adhd and cannot handle the organization of it and needs my help…so i made a deal with her…i will organize and clean her room and purge…everything will go in a box in the garage for 3 months..if she can ask for a specific item by name..i will retrieve it for her…
too often they don’t even remember what they own!!!!
also the container for the barbie type thing is a great method..but it’s ok to admit when the container you chose is simply too big….(or even too small)
reading this it came to my mind that hers a bit too big…they might have worked in the other house..but here they dont and that is ok…we’ll fix it..
love your blog!!
I’ve got the ultimate “sneak attack” planned. My oldest is 6 and I have never been away from the kids for more than a few hours at a time. Next week, when school gets out for the summer, my husband is taking the kids out of town BY HIMSELF (ok, so he’s going to his parents’ house where his mom will do all the work, but it’s a 7 hour drive, so he gets points for that) for 5 days and I am staying home. People keep asking me what I’m going to do with myself…I’m cleaning the house! I need to get some major decluttering done (and finish unpacking from our move LAST summer) so that we can have a happy summer.
One of my mom fantasies!!!! Being in the house alone for several days while the kids have fun elsewhere. Have fun!
I’ve done sneak attacks on my hubby. Tossed stuff/given it away while he is asleep or busy elsewhere.
It’s funny how he hasn’t noticed some oh-so-important stuff is missing. BUT: at the same time, if I try to get rid of stuff in front of him, he starts going through it and decides to keep it. If I go through anything that belongs to him while he’s around, he has a fit. There’s always something More Important that we need to go through/do instead of decluttering. It hurts sometimes that I have thrown things out like empty bottles/cans and he says “it doesn’t make any difference so why bother.” Yet he fights me on the “big stuff.”
Do you have any advice on how to deal with a spouse like this? I know: set an example by going through my own stuff first. And I am reading your ebook (“Drain the Ocean”) right now. Any other help you might offer?
Thank you!!!
I’m so sorry you’re frustrated. Often, it just takes time. I know you say he doesn’t think there’s much of a difference when you throw away bottles and cans, but if you see a difference, focus on that. We just can’t control other people so keep doing what you can.
These are awesome tips. I have an 11 year-old who’s closet is SCARY!!! I love your blog btw- as a fellow slob your honesty is wonderful!!!
I shared your these tips as part of my Friday Finds this week
Thank you, Krista! And I love your blog name!!
I have two ten year olds who both at one point in time had too much space. I make them do a semi-annual clean out and so far we haven’t had issues with it. My daughter will throw away clothe and broken toys without tears while I have to remind my son not to throw away EVERYTHING! The other day we had company over to watch football and my daughters room became the main playspace for the kids. After everyone left I gently reminded my lovely children to tidy up before they came out to watch a movie. An hour and a half passed and I haven’t seen or heard from either of them so I went to check. My son and daughter were sitting in the middle of her bedroom floor with nice tidy piles around them and an almost full trash bag by the door. Out of the blue my son convinced his sister to let him help clean out her closet! I was truly touched. I’m so proud of my little non-slob children. I have know worries that they are going to grow up like ME!!!
When you said the bench that is so cute so shouldn’t it be useful, it resonated with me. I have a cedar chest that my dad built. While I love it, people tend to sit on the top when it’s out among us. And it’s already a little cracked. Therefore, I keep it in my bedroom which is not very practical because it takes up precious space. My daughter recently moved out, and I never thought about putting it in her room. In there, it’s still out of the way, and can house sheets and blankets for guests.
We need to do a sneak attack of crawlspace stuff. We saved everything from Kid1 and now have a pile of stuff in the crawlspace for Kid2. There are toys I don’t like but my eldest LOVES. Annoying, battery powered singing toys. She keeps going in there and pulling them out for Kid2 even though Kid2 isn’t old enough for them. I keep telling Spouse we should go through after the girls are in bed and get rid of stuff, but by the time we get the girls to bed, we’re exhausted. Might need to farm Kid1 out to Grandma and Grandpa’s for a bit.