Last summer, before I had the idea to start this blog, I found the book Sidetracked Home Executives(TM): From Pigpen to Paradise
I enjoyed the book, even though I skipped over the chapter on how to actually get organized. I was so overwhelmed with my own disorganization that it boggled my mind. But the one thing that I took from the book was their advice to keep your change/intended change a secret. Basically, shut up.
I needed to hear that. See, I’m a talker. My inner monologue often includes me saying to myself “Stop, seriously, please . . . stop talking.” I’m a pretty open person, and so I find that when something is mind-consuming for me, I have a hard time not talking about it to . . . well, everyone I meet.
Their advice was to not even tell your husband that you’ve turned a corner and are going to change. It made so much sense to me. When I did the Flylady thing, I think this was part of my problem. I told my husband, and everyone who would listen, about this new life-changing way to keep my house clean and solve all of my problems forever and ever and ever. Everything she said was absolute housekeeping truth, and by reading her myriad of emails, I either had or would soon have everything figured out and every problem solved.
But here’s the problem with that. My husband was skeptical, and although he attempted to be supportive, it was hard for him to keep his skepticism from showing on his face. And when the skepticism showed, it made me frustrated. And then when he was proven right and I fell back into my slobbish ways, I felt like a complete failure, with the feeling made worse because I felt like an idiot for having claimed that I finally had it all figured out.
Another problem with sharing all of my “plans for change” was that I was trying to change him and others along with me. I was ready for a change, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he (or the other people whose ears I talked off) were ready, and that frustrated me as well.
By not telling anyone about my attempt at changing, I was completely focused on my own problems and solutions. I didn’t experience the frustration of having others not jump on the change-bandwagon with me, because they didn’t know what I was trying to do. It helped me see that it really was me that was the problem. I have to work on my own habits before I can try to change my family’s habits.
As I was driving last weekend, alone in the car except for a sleeping child, I was talking to myself. (I do that a lot, though I try to keep my mouth from moving when I’m walking somewhere.) It hit me that one of the reasons I was able to keep my focus without talking about it was that I did have an outlet to talk . . . this blog. Even though I was sparing my husband from the ramblings, I was writing those ramblings here. And even when I was audience-free in the early days, it helped me to start figuring out my “issues,” or, as I often say, it helped me figure out why I am this way, and what I can do to change it. Basically, it kept me focused.
So, I’ve decided to start Focus Check Friday. I had planned to write an explanation post like this one earlier in the week, and then start it today, but, well . . . my focus has been off this week. Oh, the irony.
I’ll start it next week, probably putting it up on Thursday evening. And believe me, I’m fully aware that no one may choose to join in. I’m not under the delusion that this will be some kind of viral Internet sensation. I honestly just want to provide the opportunity to you that you have given to me. Focus. An excuse to analyze what is and isn’t working in your quest for home-order, and a reason to rejoice or re-focus.
I’ll put up a Mr. Linky that you can join if you have a blog. If you don’t, feel free to write a novel in the comments. Or maybe, it will just be a prompting for you to talk to yourself about your focus – in the mirror, in the car, whatever. (I’m so glad bluetooths were invented, because even though I don’t have one, I feel like their existence makes me look less crazy when I’m rambling on in my car.)
As I say over and over (and over) on this blog, I don’t want to pretend that I have any answers on how to get organized. I’m just hashing it out for myself, working to stay focused, and making progress little by little. And honestly, for me, that’s worked better than any “method” or “system” I’ve ever tried.
OMG~a woman after my own heart! I often tell myself to shut up. Problem is, I can't. My life would be so much easier if I was not such an open book. People just know waaaaaay too much. Not private things~just stupid, mundane, no on needs to know things.
~Jenn
Considering how you've already inspired me by your talking out loud, I think this is going to help me, too! :>) Can't wait!
Haha, Jenn, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.
Lenetta, I'm so glad you like the idea. If you join in, I'll at least have one!
I never thought about it but I think that's how I finally got to working out. I didn't tell anyone. I just day be day started until people started noticing.
Keep working at it. It is amazing how writing helps us sort it all out.
A few weeks ago I decided to work harder at getting my house in better order. I discovered your blog around the same time. I've been keeping a daily check list, and soon I'd like to start some weekly tasks. I've been making up meal plans, too Thank you for sharing your journey. I enjoy your writing, and I'm motivated by your real-life experience. I'd love a magic quick fix, but I know this is a slow and steady discipline.
Welcome Carlyn,
Slow. Steady. Discipline. You're totally right that it is all of those things. I totally wish too that it was easier! I'm glad you found me, it's so nice to know that there are others out there who struggle with these things like I do.
Ha! Check.
Your blog has helped me here because I feel like I am able to talk it out and hear others “talk” back. It still feels like sharing but not the oversharing I do when I am just so excited about something and tell everyone…blah blah blah is what they probably hear. Poor people! This is better anyway cuz guess what -we are all obsessed about the same thing-yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!
I think a couple more posts and I will be over my Friday-and-it’s-VACATION-for-16-days-woot-party-don’t-work attitude I throw myself into on weekends.
I’ve been reading your blog backwards as recommended for a couple of days now, but I finally had to stop and comment on this post. The whole “don’t tell anyone” thing is SO TRUE! Just today I was frustrated because my partner put some of his stuff all over an area I spent a long time cleaning two days ago, and I said, “Can you pick that up? Can’t you see that I spent a long time cleaning there?” and he responded, “Why? It’s not like it’s going to last.” It got me so upset and I just snapped back, “Gee, thanks for your confidence.” But I should have just moved his stuff and not said anything in the first place.
We are at very different stages of life — I am actually living back at home post-grad-school, not married, and certainly no kids yet — but your blog has been SO HELPFUL to me the past couple of days. Reading someone else’s writing that reflects my own thinking and seeing someone else with my clutter issues being able to get things together gives me so much inspiration and hope.
Reading backwards as well, and this is my first time commenting. I love the Focus Friday. Reminding myself of my values has been the only thing that keeps me getting my life in order. And Fridays just so happen to work perfectly for me, since Saturdays are my major cleaning days. Excellent.
Love your blog, it has really inspired some life changes in me.
PS – I put my blog link on your page, but right now it’s private. Msg me if you want access. It’s a journal-style blog like this, that’s just getting off the ground. By which I mean I’m not brave enough to share it with the world yet haha
I wish I would’ve read this before I started telling people that I was trying to change. From others, I’ve got suggestions on making it work and suggestions on why it won’t work. I didn’t really want any input I just wanted people to be happpy for me. On that note, I decided not to tell anyone else. That was yesterday and today I’m reading this post. Lol.
“I’m so glad bluetooths were invented, because even though I don’t have one, I feel like their existence makes me look less crazy when I’m rambling on in my car.” Ha! Same here.
This post resonates so much with my own situation. Thanks for sharing.
I am reading backwards as well and really feel I could have been writing this blog, it rings so true. I struggle with the need to TELL PEOPLE what I am doing – or at least to blog about it, but on my blog which Real People read. I even have a “decluttering” tag.
I veer between “keeps me accountable” and “do people really need to know?” – but I am leaning towards “keeps me accountable” – if I blog about it, it’s not like I am TELLING EVERYBODY – just the ones who visit my online home. Right?
I am reading backwards. I talk to myself a lot…people at work frequently stop me and say quietly “are you aware that you are talking to yourself?” as if that’s not a normal thing. When my kids were little and underfoot all the time, people just assumed I was talking to them.
This is priceless – like Nony being glad for bluetooth! lol
After discovering this blog and implementing your methods this week, I made the mistake of telling someone in my “real” life . That person immediately jumped in telling me how it would never work for them in their situation. I decided to not say another word and just keep doing what I’m doing. It is working for ME and that’s all that matters.
This was just what I needed to read today. When I first started with getting the dishes and hallway under control (about two weeks ago), shiny toilets and clean(ish) floors followed. I had been keeping it to myself, but the last few days I’ve been talking a bit about it with my husband. Mistake! Now I feel resentfull for doing it on my own and my husband feels pressured. And yes, it would be nice if he changed some of his habits, but I know he has to come to this on his own.
So back to keeping it to myself.
I do like that my four year old is noticing the (small) changes. This afternoon she asked if we could make some changes in the toy storage, so we did. Her suggestion was actually helpfull in making it look less cluttered and I went with the moment and made a few other changes. Nothing major, but it does look a bit better, and makes me less stressed out and overwhelmed when I look at it. So yay, a win!
Oh, the Slob Sisters were my saving Grace back in the day! Pam and Peggy gave me the first time in my life that someone else didn’t remember “basic housekeeping tasks” like dishes without a 3×5.
Did I get through all the cards? Lol Frequently no. But I remember looking through the cards and deciding what would make the biggest difference in my life.
Dusting the baseboards pretty much never made the list but I did do the dishes (or sweep up after the kids) because darn it all I had to admit it would make a difference. And that meant the basics got done a lot more often.
I loved that book. Still have it too
I found this blog in April 2023 and immediately realized I was on the right decluttering path. You see, I had somehow figured out that I needed to wash the dishes every day, instead of once a week. And I’d been doing it for a month or two, along with sweeping the kitchen floor several times a week. It’s just me and hubby, so we don’t generate as many dishes or crumbs on the floor. I wash my dishes by hand and put in the dishwasher to dry. But I severely dislike putting dishes away. As in HATE to put dishes away. Don’t mind washing them, but don’t make me dry and put dishes away.
But, once I started washing dishes throughout the day and even washing the last dish at bedtime, I found emptying the dishwasher every day so easy. WOW…it takes one or sometimes all of two minutes to put them away!
I never told my husband what I was doing, but he noticed. After several months of keeping the sink clear of dishes and putting away the dry dishes, my husband told me he wanted me to stop doing the basics and concentrate on just decluttering.
But I had read your books and kept my mouth shut. I figured if he realized I was keeping the kitchen clean, then I was on the right track. Your validation really helped my confidence to know that I was on the right track.