I was looking through some reader stories, and realized so many were directly related to the two podcast episodes I did last year on decluttering dreams. The intense responses to those episodes led me to write a chapter in Decluttering at the Speed of Life on this subject, which, honestly . . . is the root of so many sentimental attachments to clutter.
Hi, Dana!
I’ve been listening to your podcasts for a while now. You’re kind of like my friend in the kitchen…who I listen to over and over. (Oh, and I love that you don’t edit!)
I wanted to thank you for your last podcast about decluttering dreams.
I was told years ago that I couldn’t have children. For a number of years I kept a bag of maternity clothes in my closet-“just in case.”
Getting rid of those clothes required some grieving. Giving them up was, in a sense, acknowledging that I might not ever get pregnant. Keeping things that continually reminded me of disappointment was holding me back from the life and joy I had in the present. Every time I looked at that bag I was reminded of the ache of not being able to bear a child. I decided to give the bag away. Yes, I cried.
But, I’ve come to the point to where I realized that If God wants my dreams to come true, He can do it without my stuff.
And, if I had gotten pregnant I probably wouldn’t have wanted to wear those styles anyway. 🙂
I loved your thoughts and felt you were spot on and very validating. Sometimes being able acknowledge grief helps to move on. I’ve experienced big things, like infertility and my mom dying when I was eighteen. But I feel that it’s still really helpful and needful to work through the disappointment, and in some sense, grief regarding the “little” things.
So yay for being real!
Thanks,
Kara
p.s. Today I have two daughters who we adopted. Sometimes God’s dreams for us are just as good (if not better) than what we dream for ourselves.
p.s.s By the way, my four year old just saw your picture on the email and shouted “It’s HER! Tell her we love her!!”
My dream is somewhat different. I had to give up my embroidery hobby a few years ago. I am getting older and my eyesight was not good enough to do it comfortably. I did ship my frame to another family member, so all was not given away.
This really hit home for me. I’ve been blessed with beautiful children and would like more, but am experiencing secondary infertility. After 5 years, I’m finally coming to grips with the fact we will probably not have any more children. I’m *slowly* starting to give away my baby stuff. The thought of having more room in the garage is starting to appeal to me and making it a little easier. I’m trying to find meaningful places to give my stuff, like to friends or people in need, so it makes it even more easy. I know it’s not a quick or efficient method of decluttering, but it’s all my heart can handle right now.
I can so relate to this! My husband just brought in my box of maternity clothes and I’m going through the process of washing and sorting so I can give most of them away. I’m going to keep my favorites just in case but it will be freeing to give the rest to a friend who needs them. I’m also slowly purging my kids’ outgrown clothes but it’s hard. I think it’s a good reminder that it’s okay to breathe. I’m still keeping several of the baby stuff which I justify because I babysit some.
Another GREAT post that brought tears to my eyes.
I have a totally AWESOME son (only 1 child by choice because of a bad childhood). By the time he started school, I was looking forward to being a grandmother! I wanted the same loving experience as I had with him. Alas, his wife cannot have a child and we ALL are heartbroken, but especially Matthew. They cannot afford adoption.
THANK YOU, KARA – and DANA- for easing my heart.
And, Kara, I am still GRINNING from your 4-yo’s comment! You are obviously a wonderful mom, blessed by and blessing your kids.
Peace, Love, Blessings, Health and Happiness!
This brought tears to my eyes as well. And what a great line: “If God wants my dreams to come true, He can do it without my stuff.” That really cuts to the heart of the thing….will try to remember that!
I just wanted to say thank you to Kara and Elizabeth, Dana too. Letting go is so hard emotionally. I’ve been widowed for just over 11 years now, and most of my late husband’s things are gone now. But in his place I’ve accumulated a bunch of “stuff”. I have health issues, so that makes decluttering even harder. I know I need to let go for my own sake…
Thanks Kara for sharing your experience. I can SO relate. My husband & I experienced years of infertility. I cried so hard the day I donated baby items my friends had handed down to me. In the last 2 years we’ve adopted through foster care. I recently let go of most of the baby equipment I so lovingly bargained shopped for online & at yard sales. I was giving it to another foster family who was bringing home a baby from the hospital. I sat in my car & cried. Our baby days were over & they’d flown by so fast after waiting so long. I had to choose to be grateful I got to experience this motherhood rite of passage of letting go of baby items because I may have never gotten to experience it without foster care/adoption.
I am trying to come to grips with the fact I didn’t finish my doctorate degree. I got very far along then quit, but also had a miscarriage at the same time, so I think all this is packed together. It’s been 16 years since all of that. I think maybe this is when the hoarding began. I think a lot of my hoarding has to do with desires to make something wonder – dreams of amazing outfits (holding on to clothes that don’t fit but did once, holding on to lots of decorating items that may be used in the house once renovated). A lot of unfinished projects leads to a lot of stress, I believe. I’m not necessarily holding on to the dissertation stuff, it’s just all the other stuff, where I want to be an amazing me and have an amazing house. I’ve gone through all the hoard (my hoard is not in my space, it’s in tucked storage), and pulled out over 3,000 items for the yard sale, but I haven’t made the “hard” decisions yet. I need to get the house finished, then pull the crap either into new closets or use it for decorating, then do the second purge. I guess I just have to give myself a break because I have done so much in 4 months to ready for this sale and even though they haven’t been “hard” decisions, just the work alone is hard and decisions to keep so much stuff (and not even part with it) is so hard because at times I feel like a failure for actually keeping it. I will eventually part with this stuff, but I’m also trying to come to an understanding of how to sell this stuff that at this point I think is the fabulous remaining stuff, if it doesn’t fit into the place. But I totally get hanging on to stuff as a way of fulfilling some “dream”. I still want the dream right now (of beautiful finished house and thinner me), so until I can either achieve that or let it go, I’m still gonna tuck for a while longer.