Another summer is over, and so is my blogging (podcasting, video-making) break. I’m starting my ninth year of this deslobification process, so I know how recovery from the craziness-of-routine-free-summer goes around here.
I’ve shared different analogies over the years, and here’s (at least) one more that has been rumbling around in my head for a few weeks.
Staying in my lane. The older (and hopefully wiser) I get, the more I realize that staying in the lane where I need to be is so much less stressful than moving in and out, trying to get around that jerkface slowpoke and beat the system.
Less stressful, AND I generally get there just as quickly. And getting there at the same time without heart palpitations means staying in my lane is better. Even if I could have shaved off 3.8 seconds.
You know I’m going to talk about dishes and laundry and such in a moment, but first my stories:
There’s a stoplight where I sit at least four times a day throughout the school year. At least.
It takes me out of the residential streets of my neighborhood and into the city streets that lead to my kids’ schools.
Technically, there is a way around it. If the other cars going straight at the light leave enough room, I can attempt to avoid sitting and waiting at that light by turning right on red (legal in Texas) if there’s a gap in traffic, pulling out onto the big road, immediately getting in the left hand turn lane and using a hard-to-see-unless-you’re-looking road that runs alongside a little shopping center to get back to the road I’d be on if I sat through the light.
Last year, I made a conscious decision. I decided to sit through the light. Every time.
Because here’s the thing. All that watching and turning and watching again and turning again often resulted in me having to wait anyway to make that last right turn. Sometimes, I had to wait to turn until the cars that sat through the light went by.
Sometimes I beat them, sometimes I didn’t. Either way, it was stressful.
Sitting at the light meant waiting, but three fewer turns.
And do you know what? My kids were at school on time every single day, just like they were during the years when I turned and finagled and raced against the stoplight-waiters.
The main difference was that I wasn’t stressed over that stoplight. Like, at all. I knew I would wait and I knew it would eventually turn green. And I used less gas. And I’m guessing my brakes and my blinkers will last longer. And maybe even my heart.
All it took was a pre-made decision.
And now for another metaphor. Let’s talk about school car lines.
I’m not going to rant (like is so popular on the internet these days), but I am going to say that after seven years going through what is generally known as the most maddening school pickup car loop in town, I have some thoughts.
The first day of after school pick up is bananas. At this school, 1/3 of the kids are new each year, which means 1/3 of the parents are new as well. School pick up lines are wackadoodle anyway because they have unique-to-each-school unwritten rules that people expect one another to follow. When people don’t yet know these unwritten rules and when teachers don’t yet recognize cars (so they can get the attention of talkative 4th graders), that first day in the school pick up line takes forever.
So people freak out and search desperately for a better way.
This school is kind of out in the middle of nowhere, with no neighborhood streets where parents can park and walk to get their kids. The only option for someone wanting to avoid the car loop is to park in a parking lot across the street and walk across a VERY busy, four lane road and then a decent sized field to get their kid.
I see (and talk to) parents who do this every day. In the heat. In the rain. In the cold.
It’s a long, stressful walk, y’all.
All because that first day in the car loop was bananas and they said, “Never again.”
Except that by the third day of school, the car loop (while not exactly a Loop o’ Fun) is no longer bananas. And because I’m me, I often time parents I see parking across the street to see if they get back to their car before I make it all the way through the loop. Not with a timer, just as a race they don’t know they’re running.
Sometimes I win. Sometimes they win.
But I don’t have to wear pants.
Which means I win.
Now to explain this super-wordy metaphor:
Sometimes trying to come up with a fancy way to outsmart the inevitable is more hassle than it’s worth.
Once upon a time, I was the Queen of Thinking I Could Find a Better Way.
I searched for tips and hacks and tricks to outsmart the reality of my home. When my house went back to being a disaster, I became discouraged and gave up hope that I’d ever figure this thing out.
Lesson I Had to Learn #1:
While tricks might help sometimes, it’s usually less stressful to just do what needs to be done in a totally boring way.
Time and energy I spend looking for ways to get around doing things the boring way can be spent getting actually getting those things done.
And then they’re done.
Lesson I Had to Learn #2:
There isn’t always a better way. I don’t have to come up with a new plan for getting my house back under control every time it gets back out of control. Getting straight back to doing what I know works ultimately saves time.
Lesson I Had to Learn #3:
Never, and I do mean never, judge a routine (or a car loop or a household task) on the first day. Just don’t. The first day is awkward and new and way more overwhelming than future days of the same routine (or car loop or household task).
No matter how crazy summer was (and this one was extra crazy), getting back on track/getting back in the groove/staying in my lane/re-claiming order in the house means running my dishwasher every night, emptying it every morning, and working hard to get every last stitch of my laundry done on Laundry Day.
We got through summer’s lackadaisicality by doing the dishes every day, even though it was all at random times. I know from experience that I have to do the dishes every single day. I also know, from experience, that my main focus now that life is a bit more predictable is to try very hard to get back into the routine I know works. And it does work. And my kitchen quickly got back to looking decent because I kept doing what works.
We wore clean clothes over the summer by loosely keeping up with the do-all-the-laundry-at-once method, though Laundry Day tended to last through the whole week some/most weeks. But now that we’re back on routine, getting it all done on Monday works again, and gets easier every week.
When I stay in my lane, I get where I need to go. Usually, I get there as fast as I would trying some crazy new way, and always with less angst.
If you have no idea what the basics are or how to keep up with them, check out my book: How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind. It’s where I teach you what I’ve learned over the past 8 years. Hopefully, it will save you quite a few years of trial-and-error and heartache.
** Technically, I always wear pants, even in the car loop. But sometimes often they’re pants I wouldn’t wear walking across the street.
*** Even-more-technically technically, I always wear pants when outside my house.
**** In the U.S., “pants” means shorts or trousers or jeans. If you live somewhere where “pants” means something else, I do always wear those.
--Nony
Hi Dana! I found your blog last February and can’t say how much your insights (from the blog, book, and podcasts) have helped me since then! This post was perfect for me today. It was the first day of school here, and it was crazy busy! I hardly put a dent in my to do list and was feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. But then you reminded me not to judge anything by the first day. And to just get back to what I know works. That was perfect! Exactly what I needed to remember! Thank you, so much!
So true!!!!!!!!! I spend so much time trying to find a perfect/easier way. I could have had it done! !!
From you, I learned Pre-Made Decisions equal Less Stress, and I will be eternally grateful for that lesson. So glad to see you back, can’t wait to see what you have in store for us this year!
Well, glad to know you wear pants. Because that sure would be embarassing when you get to the carpool line only to find the counselor telling you you need to step inside for some reason or another (like another kid stapled your kids finger while they were lined up to go to the carpool line, or your kid got knocked in a head with a falling shelf while trying to get his backpack out of the closet while lining up to go to carpool… And I so wish I were making this up!).
Hi Dana, I’m looking forward to more podcasts to clean to. This funny thing happened this morning, I got up, I put the kettle on, aaaaand I did the dishes. I did the dishes BEFORE I had a morning coffee!
I blame you for this 😉
Thank you for helping me to find the part of me that will happily do dishes before a morning coffee.
For those who don’t know me but are reading this, I am not a morning person, dishes are my personal nemesis, my dream is of owning a dish washer, my reality is getting my dishes done makes my life soooo much easier and I never knew that until Noni suggested I try it because it works.
Glad to see you are back! Love your blog:) This post was so helpful to me today. I’m sitting here frustrated because I feel like I’m in limbo. We homeschool and had a crazy start/stop beginning due to vacations. Instead of just waiting and starting after Labor Day , which I knew worked, I decided to complete one week then break then another and break. Um , not a good idea and driving me crazy!!!! In the long run, waiting would have just pushed our finish date off 1-2 weeks . However, it would have been much less stressful ! Thank you for this life lesson reminder:)
I’m glad you are back! I hear you with the pre-made decisions. Now to just DO them, regardless of how I feel etc. This adulting thing is hard!
I found out about your book and blog because of a well timed purchase of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle two weeks before my in-laws came to stay at my house. Fourteen Days to Guests meant that my house was actually clean when they got here. Then I read your book and spent the summer listening to all of your podcasts (many of them twice). Thank you so much. Your incredibly practical and relatable and do-able work meant that my house has been out of chaos since May, despite me finishing my PhD, my toddler daughter having two unexpected surgeries, and my husband applying to and starting graduate school. I’m so happy you’re back to blogging for the fall!
You’re momming it so hard! You Rock!
LOL! When you said that about having to wear pants, I just pictured that you must be one of those ladylike ladies who always wears dresses and pearls! And you didn’t want to walk across a large field in your dress (as I pictured lots of overgrown grass!). Didn’t get the humor of it until I read your comment that you always wear pants.
LOVE your book and your sense of humor! Keep up the good work!!
Thank you, Noni!!! I’d capitalize that but I’m a slob making progress and and wouldn’t want to scare you away. Thank you for being real. Thank you for “getting” how my brain works. Thank you for putting it all out there. Thank you for writing a book!
FYI – I read blogs but I rarely add my email to a list. But you sweetie are getting my personal (school, family, important crap) email left here because you Rock!!! I wish I found you sooner.
Now, I’m a thrifty, 40 something, online selling, mom of 2, Slob. I borrowed your book from the library because I didn’t need one more useless organizational book to add to the clutter. (and my pockets are a little light from a freshmans college tuition and I didn’t want to have to wait for it) I will be buying a few copies soon. One for me, cause’ it’s definitely Not clutter and one for my slobby girlfriend.
I’m on my way. I can do this. My kitchen’s been clean for a week, floors swept, 2 full garbage bags and a huge box of magazines and another huger box of college booklets / apps are heading to the dump tomorrow. I’m making Wednesday laundry day… otherwise I’ll forget about that load I just washed… who am I kidding, I just remembered it.
Keep going with those girlscouts! But just remember, if you make it too fun, they’ll never quit. We just sent 9 off to college. Sorry bout’ my loooolong comment….I’m making up for all those times I should a left a comment.
Keep rockin’ it girl! And thanks again from the bottom of my heart and the top of my slobber brain!
After a dump run, I’ll be working on your visibility rule tomorrow. In between washing, drying, folding and putting away. I finally feel like I can do this! Also love your 2 questions, what a game changer.
xo thanks again!
This reminded me of a funny story- my husband’s super fastidious aunt once told me that she, as a teenager in the 60s, worked as a maid in a hotel. The hotel manager insisted all the sheets be pressed. Auntie and the other “girls” figured out that if they took the slightly damp clean sheets, folded them, laid a board across them and sat in the board (I picture young women with elaborate hairdos giggling and listening to rock and roll whilst doing this) the sheets looked pressed. I have trouble believing that this tactic was worth the trouble but they obviously had fun coming up with a way around that onerous duty!
You crack me up! And…you are totally right, but before now (age 47) I probably would not have believed you. I’m now grateful to stay in my lane.
PS- I got your book in audio-book form, really loved your pep-talks on my way home from work. I benefited greatly from your book! Thanks for all that you do!
Cheers to de-slobbing our lives!
Hi Dana, I’m really happy that you are back now after the summer, but all of your British fans have a very different picture in their heads of you driving without pants on. The thing is, I wasn’t even surprised when I read it.
Hahaha!!! I actually thought of that but liked the sound of the word in the rhythm of the story!
I found your website when Summer was just beginning. I have had a messy living space for my whole life and wasn’t even sure “I” was capable of anything else. So I took your advice and I did my dishes (before I bought your book). Not gonna lie I wanted to see if it would work for me before I spent the money. I have tried a lot of different methods and some work for a little while but this one has really changed everything. I know that you say to do the dishes for a week and then move on to the next task in the 4 habits but personally I took 6 weeks to perfect this first one. And the strangest thing happened… I started cooking dinner! I’m 29, married, and have a toddler. My mother has lived with us for about 5 years since my father passed away. And I hated being in my kitchen so much that I quit cooking, I let her take that over because I couldn’t keep the mess under control. But now that my dishes are done all the time and all the dishes I need to cook are clean I have been cooking my family’s meals! It’s been such a satisfying feeling to know that I’m capable and I’m contributing. So as I started spending more time in my kitchen my counters and table got clear and it looks presentable as a whole… Which is amazing! I’ve moved on to the second task now, Sweeping the Kitchen, and I’ve been keeping that up for about two weeks. That’s two weeks I haven’t tripped over anything in my kitchen! Thanks so much for sharing your journey! I just wanted you to know that it made an impact in my life.
On a side note though I hope you and your family are safe in Texas.
I feel exactly the same way!
I take my son to school the exact same way every day. One day he asked why we go this way instead of the other way that everyone else goes. I said because that way goes into the city and that stresses me out. I know this way. It seems longer, but I know the traffic and the turns, so I’m more calm. He didn’t get it. (He’s VERY high strung!) And then one day we were next to a buddy’s car who came from our same direction. They went the straight-into-the-city way to school. I turned right and went my way. We met again at the entrance to the school parking lot! LOL
This year, I’m not even stressing about what time we leave. Guess what? We leave 10 minutes later than we used to…we still get there! >gasp!< 😀
Son will be getting his learner's when I finally get a duplicate SS card (I have to admit that after a year of searching that it is lost in my clutter)…he will be taking MY way to school. 😉
Was a FlyLady fan years ago but got wrapped up in the perfect scheduled clean house that I couldn’t maintain. Thanks to you, my new discovery, I’m taking it back down to basics, especially now that I care for my 89 y/o Mom all by myself. Every nite (most) those dishes get done by hand-I don’t have an automatic dishwasher. Every morning I put them away while the coffee perks. I get to enjoy a clutter free kitchen with my first cup and it is a sanity blessing every day. Still working on the one day for laundry. It’s just the 2 of us but Mom is a big distraction. Oh, and I work full time from home, too. Sometimes life feels like one big To Do List that never ends. Sometimes life is sitting outside on the glider with Mom watching the birds. Thanks again for being you and welcome back!
Dana, I just finished listening to your recent podcast about Staying in Your Lane. I am so sorry to hear of your father in law’s passing. You and your family are in my prayers. Amber
This post is very insightful and I definitely want to think about if there’s things in my life that I’m trying to rush around and through that maybe I should just wait it out and let the stress go away. Thanks and welcome back from summer break!
I’ve only just discovered your blog and so much of what you say resonates for me. Cleaning paralysis: check! Making a bigger mess: check!
Slob vision: absolutely!
The honesty of your photos lifts my heart. It’s incredibly reassuring to know that I’m not the only one whose house can end up in such a mess, despite the amount of effort and energy that I put in.
I started decluttering 3 months ago but was losing heart when I discovered your blog.
Thank you!
Is “lackadaisicality” really a word??? 😀 😀 😀 Good to have you back. I’m making my progress in some areas, not so much in others. Either way, I’m fixing to have baby #4 in a few weeks so if you think about it, please throw a few prayers up towards Nebraska. I think the idea of staying in my lane is a very good one for me right now…
Yea!!!! Congratulations, Nebraska!
Wow. You have no idea how far this resonates in my life. I have thought about this regularly and it has helped so much. So much of my life is changing right now… personally, medically and work-world… some easy… some heart-and-mind-crushingly hard… some are temporary and some are permanent… but thinking about ‘don’t judge it by the first time… in fact, don’t judge it by the first couple of times’ has helped me maintain a generally positive attitude. It had helped me look at new processes and 4 page long elimination diets with a different attitude and to remember that it will get easier. It may still suck… but it will be easier.
Thanks for making it easier.
Man, you are the slob I need. I feel like you and I have very much the same challenges and it makes me feel sane that I am not the only person struggling with routines. You inspire. You kick butt. You are a great writer/caster/tuber. Keep it up.
I have a brother-in-law that knew EXACTLY what time to leave his house so that he could get to the main road through town when ALL the lights were green (like SEVEN in a row!) . I just can’t imagine how wonderfully unstressful that is. Makes me think that I should pay attention to those little details while I’m out and about….and maybe even apply it to myself! 🙂
‘Sometimes trying to come up with a fancy way to outsmart the inevitable is more hassle than it’s worth. ‘
this comes to mind every time i come across clever ways to make matching socks easier. i often think; ‘just do it already.’
sorry, my shift key is on strike.
First time reading through this particular post — it is the most perfect description of the whole process. Life you know. No short cuts. But we don’t have to make it harder for ourselves. Just accept and prioritize reasonably. Who knew. ? 😉
Thank you. I needed this today.
Thank you. I needed this today. It has been a hard morning of trying to scramble around.