From Our Mailbox: A Reader Who Finds the Courage to Have “The Conversation”

Today’s Reader Story: A reader tells exactly how she mentally worked through her potentially overwhelming clutter scenario and shares her victory in managing a well-meaning friend and her hand-me-downs.

Dear Dana,

You don’t know me, but I just listened to all your 30 minute podcast episodes and have now started on your blogcasts – which are a dream come true – being able to “read” a blog while decluttering my house! Anyways, I couldn’t resist telling you about the conversation I had today.

A friend gave me a bag of workout clothes that are too small for her because I’d said I could use them. And I do need workout clothes – for the last couple months, I’ve been attending workouts 3 times a week and only own 1 pair of workout shorts . . . However, I also knew there was a good chance not everything she was giving me would fit me. I started to just take the bag, but then heard you (cause you’re totally in my head now) reminding me that I needed to have “the conversation,” so I said: “Thank you! I’ll try them on and then should I just go ahead and donate whatever doesn’t fit?” She was going on about how cute some of the tops are and that everything was in great condition, so I was a little nervous, but said it anyway. She said “yeah, you can just pass them on to someone else.” I replied “ok, or if I don’t have anyone to give them to I’ll probably give them to my son’s preschool because they have an ongoing fundraiser that takes clothes, but only clothes that are in really good condition for resale, so these would be good.” And do you know what? Not only did she say she was fine with that, she happily said that she had a bag of clothes she’d gathered too late for our school’s Goodwill drive, so she’d go through it and give me whatever was good enough to send to the preschool!

I then came home and – in spite of my inclination to put it off – tried on the clothes. I’m a little nervous that she’ll be upset next time I see her when I admit I didn’t keep much, but keep reminding myself that we already talked about it. I found a shirt and pants I like, 2 shirts that I’m going to try for one workout and then either keep or donate, and the rest is sitting by my door waiting to get dropped off when I pick up my son. Although it just occurred to me as I’m typing this that I don’t really NEED 3 more workout shirts when I’ve been managing just fine with the 2 I already home.  Hmph. Okay, as soon as I’ve given the new shirts each a trial run, I’ll pick my 3 favorites of the 5 I now own and get rid of the other 2. I wrote it to you, so now I have to actually do it, right?

. . . I’ve gained hope for the massive decluttering facing me, and I love listening to you while I work.

Blessings,

{from a girl who has new workout clothes and no clutter guilt!}

Here’s the end of the story: I saw her that afternoon and told her I’d tried on the clothes . . . I told her I was going to try them for a workout, then get rid of them if they didn’t feel right and she thought that was a great plan. To sum up: she was not only fine with my choosing to donate most of what she gave me, she completely supported my decisions. So now I have a new workout outfit and no new clutter or guilt. Thank you Dana for teaching me to have the conversation that made this a completely positive experience!