I LOVED this message I received from one of you (who asked to remain nameless) recently!
I just wanted to drop you a note to say thank you. I recently read your article about “guilt” clutter, and it hit home with me.
I have a very well intentioned friend who constantly drops over bags of “stuff” that she finds around her house or at the op-shop (thrift store I think you guys call it?).
Anyway, I have always politely taken the bags, and said “please, the gift is seeing you, you don’t need to bring gifts”. Yet, the next day she shows up with another bag (and looks around the house to see where I’ve put the other items she’s gifted).
Earlier this week, she said she was on her way over with a complete cane outdoor setting. I had to be very firm. I explained that I’m struggling to keep the house under control with 2 kids & working full time, and I’d decided to have a clean out. Every surface will be cleared of nick knacks, kids toys sold or donated except for what fits on their shelving, and I didn’t have room for a cane setting (because I already have an outdoor setting that she has sat at on numerous occasions), but if she wanted me to sell it for her, I could do that & give her the money.
I thought I’d gotten through to her, but when I got home from work, I found an old, yellowed quilt sitting at my front door. So I donated it to an animal shelter.
She asked me where the quilt was, and I told her I had re-gifted it. I was met with a stoney silence & a pair of raised eyebrows, but I haven’t had any mystery parcels dropped of since, and she is still talking to me, so maybe, just maybe, she finally heard me?
Love it! Have you seen my Clutter Guilt videos?? And Clutter Avoidance ones? If you’re not a video watcher, there are scripts you can use!
You know, I really don’t mind such “gifts” IF I have total freedom and the privilege of going through them and deciding which to keep and which to “re-gift.” That’s why I always say to others to whom I “gifting” things that they have the right to say “No, thanks!” with absolutely NO hard feelings on my part and/or to do whatever they wish with the item, no strings attached in any way! Obviously, I am finished with it or would not be gifting it in the first place. Things have often found the perfect home after being “re-gifted” a few times!! :o)
Thanks for all the tips, ideas, and encouragement! Sometimes it’s wonderful just to know that I am not the only one struggling to get a handle on this thing called homemaking! ;o)
You people are so much nicer than I am, lol. Whenever anyone asks now if I want something (single item or many), I don’t even care what it is. I just say no, but thanks for asking. I’m not storing it, I’m not sorting it, and I’m not using it. I have stuff I rarely use – and never use – that I’m already planning to get rid of – including the big electric roaster my mom loaned me when my oven quit working over the holidays (yes, you can bake turkeys, pies, and rolls in those suckers – just not at the same time). But then she said I could just hold onto it – ten years ago. It’s still here, even though we’ve moved to a house with almost zero storage space. It’s been collecting dust on a pantry shelf that I actually wouldn’t mind USING for almost seven years. But it’s going – either back to her or to the Hospice store.
I appreciate the thought behind the offers, but it’s just not happening. I don’t like clutter and for too long, I couldn’t say no. Now I have no problem. I’m nice about it, but I’m not taking it. My sister was stunned about a year ago when I’d stopped by for a visit and offered a box of decorative items she was tired of. Artificial flowers? Uh-uh. Those things are miserable to dust. Other knickknacks that need dusted? Nope, nope, nope. Did I mention I hate to dust? 🙂
If it was just stuff from her own house, it would be one thing, but the fact that she actually buys stuff at the thrift store too, and brings it to you suggests to me something else. It seems like your friend has a shopping/ potential hoarding problem that she’s in denial of.
That occurred to me also!
Confession: my mom constantly buys or gives me little knickknacks. I drop them off at the thrift store before I get home. If she drops them off, they usually go straight into the trash! I feel guilt, but just can’t deal with all of it!
It might be given like a gift but it’s really a burden if someone just brings you random stuff. Be strong, say thanks for thinking of me but I don’t have the room. I found it worst when a grandparent passed away and suddenly you are being asked to take all manner of stuff that wasn’t precious before and isn’t precious enough for the parent cleaning up to keep themselves.
My husband and I are “young” (late 20s and early 30s respectively), and we have a toddler. With paying off student loans, we’re always a little strapped for cash, so we really try to get the most out of our household goods. Many well intentioned people will let us know when they have furniture for us, or clothes for our child, or any number of things. Since we have a good sized crawl space, they alway say, “Oh you can just keep it in your crawl until you need it.”
From experience, I know that it will stay in the crawl until I buy another one because I totally forgot it existed! I’ve gotten much better at saying, “No thank you. We appreciate the offer, but we’re set.”
My Mom has started doing this after she got rid of her storage unit. She has been going thru all her stuff little by little and gifting me. Everything there, I haven’t seen in like 20-30 yrs and i have no sentimental attachments to. Like giving me the doll clothes she handmade. I would like important papers and photos but the rest, nope. I feel bad, but im trying to get rid of all that stuff at my house and don’t really want to deal with this stuff too.