Clutter guilt is a real thing, y’all. I did a whole video series (or two) about it. When someone (me) stresses over the possible uses, possible future need, and possible life-threatening consequences of NOT keeping something, it’s only natural to also stress over the nobleness or lack of nobleness of various decluttering methods.
Irrational Stress = A Really Good Reason to Just Not Make ANY Decision.
When the kids were little (and I was in the throes of Clutter Accumulation because the Frugal, Resourceful Me couldn’t say no to a bag or ten of hand-me-downs from well-meaning friends who were relieved to find someone upon whom to dump with whom to share their own excess of kid stuff), I had a system.
A system that left my home in a constant state of crazy, but it was a system.
While dirty dishes sat in the sink and piles of laundry were never completely finished, I would sort outgrown clothing according to how we had obtained each item.
If items were gifts (from baby showers or grandmas) or if we purchased them (from garage sales or on a rare occasion THE STORE), I felt it was fine to sell them. I’d then separate the pieces worthy of the hassle of eBay from the ones I’d put in my own garage sale. In these piles I’d also place things given to us by someone with the niceness and forethought to clarify that we were free to sell or donate or burn or do-whatever-we-wanted-to-do with the items they’d passed on.
Hand-me-downs were set aside to give to friends or to donate.
It was excessively complicated. It was strangely fun.
But it was also stressful.
I no longer make these piles.
For one thing, I try not to put out the Nony Will Take Anything vibe like I used to, so I don’t have as many someone-gave-me-this-so-what-should-I-do-with-it items.
Mostly, my lessened stress is a direct result of just donating. Not worrying about milking every last bit of value out of every last bit of stuff that passes through our home.
We’re better off for that. By far.
For the most part, we don’t bother selling on eBay or even having garage sales.
But then there are special things. HUGE and special things that were passed on by people who had these things passed off on them.
So I bothered.
On our “snow” day recently, I didn’t just drag this lovely (and humongous) American Girl Treehouse out to the garage to wait for the Donate Man. I took thirty-or-so-seconds to post on Facebook, to my personal friends only, that it was free for the taking.
And it was taken. (Not that it has actually left my house yet.)
In a few years, I’ll giggle a little when she posts it on Facebook, desperate to get that huge thing out of her house.
Not that she has to post it on Facebook. She can do whatever she wants with it!!
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I have similar issues with donate vs. sell….at times. However, I have finally drawn the line at garage sales. I hate all those people haggling with me over paying .50 for something! I did just do a kids consignment sale. When I was tagging, I had one toy that I couldn’t remember how much it was new so I did a quick internet search. It is selling for $100 on Ebay!! I know it couldn’t have been more than $20-$30 new. I am going to break my Ebay rule for that one!! Ha, ha. I want to keep moving toward more and more donating however because it really reduces my stress. I did great last week. My mom always gives me books to take to the used book store. Whatever they don’t take, I usually keep for a couple months and take it back (they often will take popular books later as they run low in stock.) Well, last week, I took the extra books and drove straight to the library to donate them! Yeah, me!! And I just want to say that I love your blog!!
That tree house? My daughters have it, along with the the camper and whatever else came with in the girl of the year whole world set or new stuff the historic girls had introduced each year. That’s what good old Santa brought each year instead of investing in college (kidding here) And when we moved this past year, my teens said everything could be thrown out, donated, sold except for the dozen AG dolls and their closets of stuff. So now the upstairs tv room has a walk in closet overflowing with nice original boxes (because I thoughtfully kept those all these years). And I am guaranteed to have all boys for grandchildren!
I saw kits tree house and gasped…. I’m sure there are tons of Moms who would love to buy discountAG hand me downs
i know i’ve said it before, and i know you’ve heard it before, from more than just me, but… it is thanks to you that i also no longer struggle with the internal debate of isn’t this worth money? or how can i just GIVE it away to STRANGERS, when so-and-so might need it in two years?
First, that house is huge.. Second, I’m finally there with you sister. I never follow through on selling it and the money from a yard sale isn’t worth the stress…. The donation truck will be here tomorrow!
I love your blog and I really appreciate your advice. I’m continuing to struggle with clutter. Working from home has many pros, but the biggest con is that I’m always at home AND always at work. I often find that I can’t see the forest for the trees.
Well, I worked up the nerve and confided in a friend. We spent 3 hours today clearing half my storage unit. Half went straight to the nearest Goodwill! The rest was mostly garbage, and I kept only working items that I will personally use – about 2 tubs worth!
What a huge accomplishment and a big relief. We’re doing the other half next week.
Thanks again for your encouragement. 🙂
I am finally so over parsing out stuff. I just took 3 truckloads to goodwill, they sort it and parse it for me! While providing jobs and discounted used items for people to buy! I have come to the realization that maybe people who obsess and save used “stuff” are more materialistic (obsessing over material goods) than people who spend a ton on new but are “easy come, easy go” about it.
Also Goodwill is like a giant off site storage you don’t have to pay for, if you desperately need an item you may have donated they probably have a nicer one waiting on the shelf.
I won’t even take things from people anymore. I have enough of my own stuff, thankyouverymuch. My kids will be annoyed with me this weekend, but when you have enough clothes to literally stock a small resale shop, it’s time to donate. In a major way. I’ve also decided that if my mother doesn’t want a huge electric roasting pan (perfect for potlucks and reunions), it’s going to Hospice. I don’t have room to store it. My attitude may be bad these days, but it’s not my responsibility to sort through things people don’t want in their homes and figure out what to do with them. I’m not under bondage to ‘stuff.’
I don’t know how I came across your blog, but thank you! You speak to my heart and my soul. I’ve always felt that clutter guilt but never could put a name to it. It’s like you see inside of me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“Not worrying about milking every last bit of value out of every last bit of stuff that passes through our home.”
That’s a big part of it all!
Thanks for this. My house is full of “guilt” items and things I’m trying to get ever dime of value from, which I am going to begin to find new homes for.
PS – congrats on making Oprah’s newsletter today!
Really? Oprah’s newsletter?? Do you mind forwarding it to me? [email protected]
Oh, this is my life……So. Much. Guilt! My husband keeps saying “just give it all away” you will feel better, but nooooo. With a party of 5 we have lots of extra and people kindly give me tons of stuff (slight exaggeration) so I feel like I should help others by sorting and then finding homes, because surely there is someone out there that really needs this stuff!! Plus, I am a stay at home mom, so if I don’t know someone that may need it I try to sell it because I want to feel I have contributed (more guilt)…….I have donated 5-6 truckloads (literally) over the last year (nope, haven’t missed one thing), but this last bit (all the condensed boxes of random junk) has me paralyzed. Now I am thinking I could probably contribute more by honoring his request to “just give it all away”!!! Wish us luck!!
This post was featured in a FB group called KonMarie Adventures. The KonMarie method is based on the book The Life Changing Art of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. In Japan, she is just as popular as Beyoncé 🙂 Decluttering devotees are uniting en masse! I was really excited to see your mentioned today because I’ve been following your blog for quite some time now and I know this stuff doesn’t come easy to everyone. You go girl!!
Thank you for letting me know! I see traffic comes from Facebook but never know from WHERE on Facebook!
We’re moving from 1245 sq ft to 720 sq ft. There’s already a mountain if “donate” on my front porch!
People know me as a “funnel”. When they give me something we can’t use I will find someone who can. Often that someone is the employee at the Salvation Army, but sometimes it is a single mom or another family! When we are given a bag of clothes or whatever I ease the donate guilt by clarifying that I will use what we can and donate the rest.
Why do toy makers make such obnoxiously large toys like this anyways?