It’s a controversial subject, right? And here I’m going to spout off a list of reasons?
Believe me, I experienced the parental angst too.
The guilt over the possibility that by tying money to things like teeth-brushing, bed-making, and undie-in-the-laundry-hamper-depositing, we would create an entitlement mindset in which our children would begin to believe they should be paid for every little thing they do.
The fear that they won’t do these things . . . at all . . . EVER . . . later in life when no one’s paying them.
Yep. I used to worry about those same things. The fact is, though, that finding a method that works and keeps this scatter-brained mama from having to constantly remind her kids to do the things that she has trouble remembering to do herself . . . is worth it.
Here are some reasons why I like our system:
1. While they’re kids, learning life-long habits/skills is their job.
Childhood isn’t just a waiting room where you hang out until it’s time to go to college. It’s a time to learn all the basics that adults sometimes think they were born knowing. (Y’know, until they have their own kids and realize that most things, from nose-blowing to shirt-buttoning, do have to be taught.) As kids get older and can handle more responsibility, treating household chores as their job not only teaches them that money comes from working, but that working isn’t really an option. At least . . . not if you want money.
2. You can teach them real-life money/savings lessons.
When your kids have opportunities to earn money on a regular basis by doing their daily chores, you always have a ready answer when a trip to the store becomes a greed-fest. If you leave it to spur-of-the-moment parenting, the chances are higher that you’ll give in, or that you’ll agree to a crazy plan of paying them twenty dollars to wash the dishes. If they’re consistently doing chores and earning their allowance, they may already have enough. If not, you can help them calculate how long they need to keep saving. That fifteen dollar toy should require as much savings for them as a new set of curtains does for you.
3. You get to be the boss, not the bank.
As my kids get older, I’m learning the true meaning of being nickled-and-dimed. While I may be willing to give them a dollar to donate to children’s cancer research so they can wear a hat for the day, I let them dig into their own stash to buy game-day stickers from the football team. I’ll buy them a book or two from the school book fair, but they can spend their own money on a calculator that smells like chocolate. If they desperately want something, I get to offer overtime instead of a low-interest loan.
Obviously no system is perfect, and ours gets tweaked on a regular basis. Ultimately, though, I’m the mama. If someone doesn’t feel like earning a check on his chore chart by putting away his shoes, he can put away his shoes and not get a check. The check is optional, the shoe-putting-away . . . is not. You can go here to see how our chore chart works and how we use it to calculate “allowance”.
Wondering if anyone is still doing this with teenagers? My oldest is 15 and now is trying to say he doesn’t need money when he doesn’t want to do his chores. It really has me wondering if I want to do it this way for the two little ones…
Maybe charge them if they don’t do their chores?
My 7yo gets paid for chores, but he also understands that he’s going to do them whether he gets paid or not. He’s very motivated by money so he’s even willing to do extra stuff every once in a while. Sometimes I miss the days when stickers and a dollar store prize were good enough, lol. We’re also drilling into him that knowing how to clean is a very good thing to know when he grows up.
My kids get paid a monthly allowance that is in no way tied to chores. I agree that it’s important for them to have money to spend and money to save. They know they will receive a certain amount no matter what. I purposely do not have it tied to chores for the same reason as Nicole above – I don’t want my kids not doing their chores because they don’t need money. I want there to be no way for them to get out of chores. If they are paid for each chore, how can it be demanded of them even if they aren’t getting paid? When they are adults, they will get paid for their jobs – but when they get home, dishes and laundry will need to be done and no one will pay them for that. There are just some things in life that have to be done regardless. Taking out the trash is one of those. My kids know that being a part of this family means helping with work. Now, I don’t pay my kids a lot of allowance – so if they want to earn extra money, there is a list of chores they can do for extra money (clean my fridge, wash my car, sweep the back patio, wipe down the cupboard fronts, fold towels, etc). And like Nony, I will pitch in and buy my kids the things I deem worthy – a book to read, tickets to school sports games, clothes (the necessities – they buy the extras), etc.
Just another suggestion– my kids (10 and 5) use myjobchart.com. It allows them to earn ‘points’ that they can cash out later and donate, spend, or save. They can spend their points on actual stuff- the site is even attached to amazon.com- or experiences, like family game night or a trip to the ice cream shop. I really really love it, and no one has tried ‘cheating’ yet.
I love this and think that your reasons make a lot of sense.
What I love the most though- os that you put a lot of thought into this decision. With that, I say, Mama angst begone! 🙂
My son came home with the caculator that looks like a chocolate bar and smells like one too. My daughter is always asking if she can do stuff to earn money. These are things that she doesn’t have to do. So I am more than willing to pay for those.
Been wanting to ask you a question for a while and it sort of applies here. We are a non-allowance family, and my kids are helpful and cheerful when asked to do a job. But they never think to do anything on their own.
It drives me nuts when daughter 2 walks past her ballet leotard and tights she left on the floor in the bathroom for a week straight. (insert whatever item got dropped, times about 10 – 20 things per day, times four kids and AAAAAHH!) OK, it only drives me nuts when I am noticing and trying to keep our house tidier.
So I am wondering what you do to maintain a positive attitude with the kids when they are learning along with me how to not be a slob. And I’d love to hear any anti-grouch tips. I live most of my life on a very cheerful and happy plane, but have spent far too much energy fighting the grouch since instituting our chore chart. My dh reminded me I have to add things slowly and that has helped a little, but I still struggle because I am a much happier person when I am not working to tidy up our life.
Sigh.
Martita, I think you just described most KIDS. (and men, but I won’t get into that here….) Their brains are not fully developed; in essence, they are sort of “maldeveloped”. My kids do the occasional pick-up on their own (emptying the overflowing trash can w/o being asked), but there are the really annoying things, too: cups EVERYWHERE; walking into the kitchen to throw away a napkin, but not bringing in other wrappers, dirty dishes, etc.; walking DIRECTLY over their shoes they leave in a conspicuous place…..
Since our kids were adopted at 8 and 10 (they are 14 and 16 now), it was really important to develop the idea of how a family works. So we follow Love and Logic a lot and give allowance – but it isn’t payment for chores. However, if chores are not done, potential consequences include paying us or someone else to do the chore, having to buy back items left out for too long, not getting TV or video game time (“bummer…. that TV must be getting in the way of your dish washing time”), or me not taking them somewhere or doing something for them. For instance, if one wants a ride to the mall, I might say, “Bummer, dude, but I spent that time emptying the dishwasher.”
Additionally, they’ve been doing their own laundry for 2+ years and we couldn’t be happier about that decision. From the oldest, I got tired of “I can’t wear those jeans – I wore them 3 days ago.” From the youngest, I got tired of walking into his room and seeing clean, folded clothes dropped on the floor on top of dirty ones. Before long, I was washing clean clothes. I was already paying for electricity and water. Why should I pay with my time? Not a peep out of them ever since.
If they don’t keep things up (within reason – we don’t have to be drill sargents about it), GO ON STRIKE. “I’ll be happy to… [do laundry, cook dinner, sew your shirt….] when I feel respected and the chores are done.” Period. And now that I’ve just made my kids sound like good little soldiers, I will tell you that we constantly reinforce these things. The oldest is a button-pusher and often tests by saying, “I’m not a slave and I’m *not* doing the dishes.” Then the youngest is the one who often wanders through the kitchen asking if I need help with anything. But he’s also like the absent-minded professor (or PigPen), leaving a trail of pencils, candy wrappers, clothing, etc. behind him.
Whatever works in YOUR house for YOUR kids is what is right.
I’ve been wondering how you handle chores with your kids. I loved your podcast about cleaning the toilet, and actually my kids, who conveniently got to hear it a couple of times in the car (tricky mama, I know), thought the “toilet bowl” concept was pretty hilarious as well.
We’ve REALLY been struggling to get in the zone with basic daily habits. Now that school has been in session for about two weeks here, and I have a decent idea of where our areas of daily struggle are, I decided it’s time to take action. Naturally, I came to you for advice, and you did not disappoint! I love that they get rewarded for doing it consistently, but you don’t feel obligated to nag them about it if they fail to follow through.
The dishwasher emptying task seems to be the area where we get the most hung up on this. If a child doesn’t unload their assigned dishwasher area before school, I have to choose to either do it for them, or save it for them to do when they get home, thus making all of the dishes get piled up for the whole day. With loading and running the dishwasher being the most basic habit that I have, getting backlogged doesn’t work very well. Yet, it’s not right for them to get off not doing the chore, either.
Your way is great! If they forget, I’ll probably go ahead and do it, but their allowance will take longer to accumulate, so they’ll be more motivated to get the job done on time. You’re so smart! Thank you, once again, for helping me solve a conundrum by writing about it 4 years ago. 😉