Last weekend, the kids spent two nights living it up with my mother-in-law, so we went to dinner with some old college friends of mine, and then saw their new house.They know about the blog.
It only made sense to tell them . . . since they are fully aware of my, ahem . . . issues.As theatre people, we were together pretty much every non-class-hour of our college career. She and I were roommates, and as her boyfriend, he was always around. There was no hiding my secret from them. Being overly hilarious, he’s about the one person in the world whom I wouldn’t have tackled for opening our master bedroom door and looking inside . . . just to make me mad. Which he did a year ago.
Their house is completely uncluttered. It’s very comfortable. I envy spaces like that, and I often feel bewildered, wondering how people are able to create them. But after leaving their house, it hit me. Because I’ve known them for their entire adult lives, I’ve watched how they have made it happen.
(I thought that this was going to be a cutesy little post comparing my journey to a grown-up house with theirs, but as I wrote, I was amazed at how emotional it was for me. Therefore, I’m dividing this into two posts . . . sharing my own “Clutter History” first.)
When I left college, I needed a u-haul. A big one. And none of the big stuff was mine. No couches, no appliances.Then I moved back in with my parents for about 8 months before I left for Thailand. My stuff . . . sat in storage for two-and-a-half years. A 10×10 storage unit was filled from bottom to top, since my mother is a master packer.
Think about what a normal person could fit in that size unit, and then triple it.I returned from Thailand and got married 20 days later. Per my instructions, hubby had found us an apartment with an extra room. It was a good sized room, and we filled it to the top, with all of my stuff from the storage unit. Still in boxes . . . waiting for the “someday” when we would surely need it. Never mind that our apartment, the part we lived in, had been fully furnished with wedding gifts . . . everything we needed. We were older when we got married, and we received A LOT of gifts.
Two years later (two years of that same stuff I brought home from college sitting in boxes piled to the ceiling of our “extra” room), we moved to our first house. The house had around 1750 square feet (no basement or attic) and once I unpacked everything, even getting rid of tons of stuff we didn’t need, every nook and cranny and under-the-bed space was filled.
Four years, two babies, and several garage sales later, we moved again. According to the way U-haul sizes their trucks, the amount of stuff we moved out of that 1750 square foot home should have come out of a 3200 square foot home. And we made several additional mini-van-filling trips.
We moved into a rental home while we waited for our home there to sell, leaving enough furniture to make it show well, but still having plenty to be able to function in our rental. The rent house’s garage was completely filled with boxes, and an entire bedroom was devoted to “storage” as well. Once our old house sold, and suddenly there were no suitable homes for sale in our small town, we rented a storage unit because we had a baby coming and literally had boxes to the ceiling in the living room.
Still, our newborn daughter had to sleep in a storage room for the first three months of her life.I lived for almost a year among those boxes, and hated it. I felt confined and smothered . . . but when looking for a house, one of my non-negotiables was that it have an “ebay room.”
Somehow, this seemed normal to me.When we finally found our current home . . . the one that should last us forever . . . I knew things needed to change. If something didn’t have a spot . . . I had to get rid of it. My goal was to get rid of half of what was in every box, and I did . . . sometimes even more.
But still, my blind spot was that storage/ebay room. I was into selling on ebay . . . big time. I bought and bought and bought at garage sales, buying at a much faster pace than I was learning which things were sure-sells. I did do pretty well selling, but the cost to our family was that a huge room of our home was being used for storage. Storage for things that I didn’t even personally want.Three years later, I was at a point of desperation and started a blog to hopefully motivate myself to get out of the mess we were living in. Slowly, I’ve accepted that having an entire room devoted to storage is not healthy for our family. When I cleared out that room, I couldn’t believe the square footage that it added to our home. And it’s space that we use!
Through my deslobification process, I’ve also realized that having a “storage mentality” is a big part of my overall slob-problem. Having a room where things can be stuck if they serve no current purpose only perpetuates my problem.
Writing this post has turned out to be much more emotional than I expected. I thought that I was going to talk about the difference between how I got to the point of an ultra-cluttered home while my friends, in the same amount of time, got to a sleek and clutter-free home.
But in writing, I’m re-living the despair that I felt every time I saw the boxes. Individually, stuff can be debated. I see potential value in every broken pencil or half-used bottle of glue. But when you put it in boxes, you see its actual mass. And it’s the mass that weighs on my soul.
If something is stored away, in a mass of random things, it is useless. Items in boxes do not improve our family’s life.
Great post – can't wait for part two. And, as always, you leave us laughing. :>)
I like a good organizing blog like the rest of them, but you know what I'm loving about your (newly discovered to me) blog? It's real. None of the Martha Stewart attitude, where nothing ever goes wrong and people swan about dreaming of flower arrangements. I didn't realise how much of what you describe fits me…until you decribed it. Love it 🙂
Wow Lizzie, thanks.
A big part of my "process" has been my decision to be completely honest. It's nice to have people appreciate that . . . instead of avert their eyes and pretend they don't know me.
I too am fighting the battle. It gets very overwhelming when you add 7 kids plus homeschooling them to the mix. But I have come to realize we can't keep everything. Some ppl may get their feelings hurt b/c we are getting rid of something they gave the kiddos for a birthday. BUT, we can't function in a cluttered house.
I've moved 9 times in less than 10 years. During one of our moves we moved halfway across the country pulling a 12 foot enclosed trailer. (I sold 95% of our large furniture and my Husband is a Tetris king, haha.) I still have boxes that have not been touched from my first move. Why do I keep moving them? I have no idea. I attempt to go through them sometimes, but I don't know what to do with the stuff. Paper clutter is by far my worst enemy. I can never get a handle on it. All of my friends have "show-homes" in my opinion because you don't need to move something to sit down. I'm hoping to get there. Thanks for your blog and helping me to see I am not the only one out there like this.
Love your story. So much, in fact, that I was talking about you today 🙂
http://randerings.blogspot.com/2010/08/deslobification.html
Thank you for your honesty! It didn’t really hit me until I followed your advice of taking a “before” and “after” picture. I had been keeping the dishes done (thanks to this blog) for a couple of days but hubby had a “cooking day” and it became messy again. So I took a picture before I got started and when I finished. I know that it looks better when its clean but somehow the picture is like a slap upside the head. It’s like seeing what a guest sees when they walk in your home. Once I got over how much better the “after” picture looked then I realized there was NO WAY I would post the “before” pictures on the internet and they weren’t even as bad as they could have been. I really admire you for not only writing this blog but also posting “before” pictures. I know your purpose was to give yourself a way to focus on your home but you are such an inspiration to me and make me laugh at the same time.
I didn’t find this post funny…..I found it….I don’t know yet. It made me tear up because that clutter mess is my life right now. I have baby number 7 on the way, we homeschool, I have piles of stuff for craigslist, ebay, a garage sale, things to donate to needy families, projects that I hope to work on one day, the kids are constantly tripping over things, etc. Seeing the clutter hurts my heart and mind. I hate it. The dust from all of the boxes makes me sneeze. We’ve thrown away so much but I feel like a hoarder behind closed doors. Everyone says, “Aww honey….well – you DO have a lot of kids…….you don’t really have time for cleaning….and – it’s not THAT bad!” It >>>IS<< that bad people!! It makes me sick. I'm embarrassed and mortified to have anyone come over and never invite anyone over for this reason. I'm antisocial. (Note: As I just read this out loud to my hubby…..he said 'GEEZ – it's bad but it's not THAT bad!" Oh, but to me….it is that bad. I think I need to do a blog too to keep myself on track and to not give up digging my self out from these boxes and piles on nonsensical "stuff". And for the record…..I never used to dislike Christmas, but these last few years…with so many little ones….we get SO MUCH "stuff" from the Grandparents that I have no where to go with everything. I about have an anxiety when all of the boxes start arriving in the mail. I tell them ONE GIFT per child then that ends up being like 10-15 per child and I just want to cry…..and then I feel ungrateful. Bleh! Well this was no fun…….lol.
I hear you Jenny! I cried too. I think the kids (I only have 4) exaggerate the problem quite a bit. Sometimes I would just like to be alone with my house for about a week to whup it into shape while the kids were having a great holiday with lots of family. That will not be happening anytime soon if ever.
I know this comment is way late, but I can relate to the horror of gift giving time at Christmas. We have 8 kids, 3 of whom have birthdays within a week of Christmas! I will say this, our relatives mostly abide to the “one gift per event” rule which means that the birthday kids get 2 presents around Christmas per relative, the rest get one. Still, I sometimes visualize Christmas time as when someone peels the roof off our house, dumps a bunch of toys in, and nails the roof back on. I am NOT a messy and our house is in Ok shape but even for me it is SO overwhelming sometimes. I’m often a bit weepy with relief and stress on Jan. 1st when we are finally done with all the December b-days and Christmas.
OK….this made me cry. Clutter has always been such an issue for me. I am working so hard, but sometimes its hard to see progress. Right now I am SO discouraged. My baby’s room has bins of clothes and boxes and I feel like I just can’t do it right. Makes me feel slightly better that I’m not the only one. We moved a year ago and our garage is still filled with boxes. Just absolutely smothering. 🙁
Halelualjh! I needed this-you’re my savior.
Hi Nony, I had to find and bookmark this post because it made me cry. I see there are now comments from people who “get it” a little better. It was a very brave post and I thought it needed a little more specific attention!!
Slobbishness can be full of hilarious hijinks and tall tales but the sad and despairing side is a little harder to grasp for normal people. When I figured out that my “oh, the house is a mess” looked way different from normal people’s mess I had to eventually accept how awful I was! I also had a terrible thrift shop addiction which is completely stifled now.
I would like one more child before I am too old but I feel like I am just too immature in my cleaning and maintaining. When I am pregnant it gets way worse! How that for a horrible consequence of being a Messy! Also, I would like to homeschool but I am afraid I would be even more messy and scatterbrained, plus there is my phobia of forms. Jenny’s comment just makes me more afraid, when I get to feeling that low I actually ponder if need some sort of pharmaceutical help!
Thanks for the blog Nony! I am going to get on this kitchen before hubs gets home from work.
Hi Nony,
I stumbled across your blog the other day and have been reading it non stop! Thanks for helping to inspire me to get rid of stuff and change myaybe-I-will-need-it-mentality! My life is definitely a work in progress… But I am proud of every item that gets added toy donate or trash pile. My biggest challenges are clothes since with 2 kids under 2 I have been multiple sizes, never mind their stuff (and I inherited my nephew and nieces’ stuff to boot… I mean, what 2 yr old needs 22 pairs of pants??) and paper…my nemesis! I would love any future posts on this topic.
Thanks for your honesty… I guess when God says he will provide, I really have to start truly trusting!!!
What an honest, brave post. So wonderful how you have put your family first and decided to not keep all the stuff!
I found your blog about 10 days ago and read constantly as I nurse my 3 month old. Sometimes I skip around but I try to read in order. This blog entry (term?) really spoke to me. I am so emotional about my clutter. If you ask me, they are all great Things, but it’s really just clutter. I love your blog and feel like you are writing for me. I have a 2 yr old and baby, and I want desperately to do better. I bought stuff to make dough for handprint ornaments this weekend and am trying to find or make a clean service to make the ornaments. I’m in tears reading this, but thank you for making me feel someone understands. Sorry for typos, not so good nursing and typing with one hand.
Surface not service
THIS: “If something is stored away, in a mass of random things, it is useless. Items in boxes do not improve our family’s life.” is something I want to remember.
Hi again, I just wanted to share, when my husband passed away I moved from a house to a smaller apartment. I had a small storage room in the house, filled with boxes. I didn’t know what was in them but was too overwhelmed to sort through them so I just took them with me. My new bedroom had 2 closets, a small one, which I used for my clothes, & a large walk in, which I used to put the boxes. I lived there for 5 years & moved to Florida (from NY) 3 years ago, & yes the still unopened boxes came with me. I had to pay by the pound. Just now, after reading your blog for about 4 days, I am finally going through those boxes. I can’t believe how much stress & $$ they cost me & I haven’t found anything, yet, that I even want. I have several boxes of donations lined up & have taken out many bags of trash, & I’m not even half way done yet. I read your blog for a while & get up & sort through a box, come back rest a while & repeat. Thank you for inspiring me.
yep, I get it.
What I’ve had to do is when choosing to declutter, is to get it out of my home ASAP. That’s hard, no vehicle and few people to help me do it.
I’ve determined that since I have funds put aside for errands that must be done out of the home, I will make time to take donations to one of the 4 thrift stores within a 5 mile radius. That should work out well.