Yesterday, I posted what I originally thought was going to be a quirky post about the differences between my own home and that of a close friend of the same age and similar experiences. I was surprised to find myself in tears as I re-told the history of all my moves, and the boxes that I’ve lived among for too many years.
First, let me share our similarities. Like me, my former roommate moved overseas for two years after college. Like us, she and her husband got engaged while she was living over there. Like my husband, her husband lived as a bachelor on his own for quite a while before they were married.
But in the midst of all those similarities, there were plenty of differences. Here are a few that stick out to me.
They had things in storage too. But, they only had necessities in storage. Things that couldn’t be easily and cheaply replaced. A couch. Dishes. Theatre posters from college.
Not three toasters, two blenders, and a bunch of other stuff they didn’t need.
I’ve watched them build their home. In their first apartment, they lived without a table for a while until someone we knew had one to give away. They took it . . . and then promptly got rid of it when they found the exact table they really wanted.
They lived with their green corduroy couch until they saved up for and found the couch they really wanted. As soon as it was in, the green corduroy was gone. They left their windows bare until they found the curtain and rod they liked. No make-do mentality . . . they just waited until they could do it right.
I remember being newlyweds and having to lay on their floor to watch a movie. No one cared, it was a fun phase of life.
Over the years, as we would visit them, they had added one very cool piece at a time. AS IT WAS NEEDED. They waited, figuring out their needs, before adding anything. Their mentality seems to be that they’d rather wait and live without until they can find/afford just the right thing.
The contrast was our first apartment. You might not be able to move around freely, but there were plenty of places to sit! We had a full dining table AND a table in our breakfast nook . . . for the two of us.
They are clutter-free, even with a few boxes here and there in their just-moved-in state, because they have built their home up.
I’ve been paring down like a grandma since college.
Make sense?
Obviously, I can’t start from nothing at this point. I have to deal with where I am in life . . . a woman with too much stuff. But looking at their success helps me to relax about the whole “what-if-I’ll-need-it-someday” issue. The reality is that I may throw away/donate something that I WILL need someday.
Which is better, to “wait” and sit among boxes that weigh on your soul without you even realizing it, only to open the box years later to find an item that is broken, out-of-style or spider-infested . . . or to “wait” in an uncluttered space until you know for sure you need something and can fully experience the joy of adding it to your home?
Which one better allows me to enjoy the present moment?
I know that there has to be a balance of the two, but looking at the results of the two mentalities, I think that I need to work on swinging my pendulum more in their direction.
The cost of keeping is far more expensive than the cost of replacing.
I agree with you so much! Being a packrat (hoarder) is hard on people, too. I’ve gone from hoarding to purging.
There's a good read on getting a handle on stored stuff. Hope my link works.
http://unclutterer.com/2010/05/11/evicting-justin-case/
That helped me get a handle on some of my problem areas.
This is a great post (and I mean both part 1 and part 2) – I fall somewhere in between you and your friends! I really enjoy reading your blog as it gives me ideas on what to focus on in my own home.
Sometimes I wish my whole house would burn down and give me the chance to start fresh. *sigh*
@Lacy! I had to LOL at what you said b/c I’ve said that a bunch of times. I even said to my hubby, “Oh My – could you imagine if, God forbid, a tornado ever struke our neighborhood! Could you imagine the STUFF that would be all over the neighborhood….JUST from OUR HOUSE?!?!?” that’s a sigh provoker right there y’all!
I have said this sooo many times! I find it sad that I wish there was a FIRE to help me out of this situation! I need to learn to say NO when offered items…especially from my hoarder MIL. I do NOT want my kids to have to deal with what I do. I am trying daily to live by the philosophy: Do you own your stuff, or does your stuff own you? I want to continue to downsize…day by day…’til I can get to the point of owning my stuff. I’m actually envious of a friend of mine who recently moved…she fit everything she wanted/loved/needed into a 4 door sedan! She’s single, obviously!
Lacy I have thought the same thing more than once!
This speaks volumes to me. This year I plan to go through my “stuff” with this post in mind. Thank you for sharing your journey.
I’m just like you with stuff, but I just got the chance to start over with our last move, and it’s fabulous! I’m not “making due” with anything. Like you said about the curtain rods- we’re waiting until we can do it right. I’ve also been figuring out a lot of ways to prevent mess, or simplify. For instance, we now have a children’s picnic table for our kids- less mess than a regular children’s table because the chairs can’t be strewn about. I also only buy colgate brand toothpaste because they have flip lids rather than lids that come all the way off, so they can’t be lost. When you make a lot of decisions like this, it seems to add up and work together.
That’s great, Lacy! And yes, it’s SOOOO true that those little already-made decisions really add up!
My clutter situation did not happen like yours, yet there are way too many similarities in the way we think! Your blog helps me realize I just have too much stuff, clutter and don’t take the time and energy to to deal with it. Why? Because it has become overwhelming and some brings out feeling and emotions I’d rather try to ignore.
Love your blog! Your honesty and that you make me look at myself in a different way is so helpful. I’m working on it, maybe a little too slowly. And now just getting rid of stuff that we could likely could earn some money from by selling is slowing getting out. I now lean towards give it away, someone may need, want it and it’s out of our house. Soon I’ll start working on the storage unit we pay too much for! Thank you!
I am related to some people whom I would consider hoarders, and they’re always so pleased when they actually use something that they’ve been saving for years. I try to be happy for them, but I cannot help thinking how much of their income and life has been spent finding places to store all the items that they might one day use, and that the cost of the items they eventually found a use for would have been so much less-on the CHANCE that an individual item MIGHT prove useful at some point someday. An example is a strip of linoleum flooring-it happened to exactly match the flooring that got ruined under a water heater. But…all of the belongings that were ruined because they were stored next to the water heater had to have cost something. The hours and days spent digging through storage bins looking for that one piece of flooring had to have cost something. The need to purchase twice as big a home to keep everything that one already owns, costs A LOT, not just in the purchase price but in the taxes due and deferred repairs because it’s just too much work to clear out a space to fix the water heater and replace that small area of flooring.
I would think going to Lowe’s and spending $100 to replace the flooring with something new, likely of better materials that hasn’t already started to degrade from storage and lack of use, would be cheaper than all that, and certainly less toxic to ones emotional well-being. It just…seems like such a waste of time, energy, money and overal happiness.
Dana, loved these two postings. I see some similarities in my life with what you have written here. Thank you for sharing and being so open and honest with your ongoing process. I love the idea of waiting and doing without, until getting just what I need rather than making do.
I feel so strongly that the lingering collective memories of the Depression have made several generations of hoarders. My parents’ parents taught them to be terrified of wasting *anything* and I am currently undoing that legacy in my own house.