My mind is blank. Today was a bit crazy, driving an hour to sell our van, spending the day with a friend who was willing to drive me an hour home, being totally paranoid that the guy would offer us a ridiculously low amount and my time would have been wasted, being excited that he offered a good price, blah blah blah.
Some people have days like that and act as if it’s no big deal. But it drains me.
So as I sit here and feel like I have nothing to write, I have decided that I’ll share what’s been on my mind, almost constantly, since last weekend.
I’m going! It is the first ever blogging conference/summit put on by Savvy Bloggers, a group made up of women whom I greatly admire as bloggers. An application was required and they accepted 60 people. I never thought I would get accepted, but I did. I’m very excited.
And nervous.
Really nervous.
Now, just like with the car-selling, I tend to get worked up over stuff. I imagine all possible scenarios, both the best and the worst.
What if no one will talk to me? What if I can’t find the right room for a session? What if I wear jeans and everyone else is in a dress? Those are my normal neurotic thoughts that I can talk myself through. Everyone has insecurities. I generally solve these problems by being pro-active. I’ll initiate conversation so that I have someone to talk to. I’ll study my book/whatever and find all the right rooms the night before so I’ll know where to go and will be able to help someone else and hopefully make a friend that way. I’ll try to ask around to know what to wear.
But this is on an entirely new level. This is a blogging summit. I’m guessing everyone’s opening question will be, “So, what’s your blog about?”
And my blog? It’s about my deepest, darkest secret. That I’m a slob.
IRL (I’ve been trying to do twitter lately – and that means “in real life”), I get to know people without them having any idea about my secret. I’m pretty friendly and open, but it rarely comes up in the first few months whether or not I hang up my clothes every night or throw them on the floor.
See, most people, even people who know me well, are surprised to learn that I’m a slob. Most are completely shocked if they finally get to the point where I feel completely accepted by them and they’re allowed into my home at its worst. They generally know the germaphobe part of me, and so it’s very hard for them to grasp the slob part.
But I’m going to be meeting people who will know that about me before they know ME. And honestly, it scares me to death. What if they aren’t willing to get to know me because they can’t help but judge me by the word “slob” in the title of my blog? I really debated when I started this blog about using the word slob. I tried my best to think of another way to put it. A way that wouldn’t sound as bad. I hadn’t been willing, ever before, to truly admit to myself out loud, that I was actually a slob. But I decided that if I was going to do this, and if it was truly going to achieve its purpose of helping me to change, I had to be honest. Brutally honest. No more excuses or making things seem not-so-bad.
And I’m so glad I did. I’m incredibly grateful that my home has made huge strides since August. I see hope that this change will be permanent.
And I want the blog to grow. I want to learn how to do it right, and maybe someday, if I can truly get my own act together, I can help someone else.
I’d like to close this post with a profound statement showing that although I have these feelings, I’ve had a lightbulb moment that has helped me get past them. But I can’t. Not yet.
I’ll be fine, and as it gets closer, I’m sure I’ll gear my mind up and be ready to throw myself into the experience, learning lots of great information, and meeting some really fantastic people. But for now, my stomach kinda hurts.
Kacy @ Valuing Today says
Well, you have a fellow slob in me!! No judgement here! I write about my lack of cooking skills and messiness on my blog too….there are a lot of us out there!
Lenetta @ Nettacow says
The older I get (and maybe the less outside the house that I do since becoming a mom?), the more worked up I get over doing something new. My stomach is hurting with you and I'm not even going! Have a super time, and take good notes so you can tell us everything! :>)
JoDi says
Hey, maybe the summit will have a "slob" theme, and everyone there will be a slob blogger! Ya never know! 😉
Have a great time when you go! It will be fun to hear about it when you get back!
LeaBeth says
Isn't it funny that those same insecurities we had in junior high school never really go away? Thank you for your honesty. I always feel that every other mom at the PTA meeting/Bible study/club event has it all together and I'm the only one worried about fitting in. I happen to know you, Nony, and anyone who doesn't take the time to know you, slob and all, will be the loser! I'm proud of you for taking a chance to learn something new. We (your readers) will all be better for what you learn there. Have fun!
Bonnie says
I'd be nervous too and I love attending conventions and the sort. The difference is of course the blog is a personal, very personal thing. Much different than work or a hobby.
Hopefully the excitement takes over and your nervousness is left in the dust.
Amy says
First of all, congratulations on getting picked! I understand how you feel – those kind of things, new things, make me really nervous too. Plus it will be scary putting yourself out there. But know that your honesty is what makes your blog so good, and also the fact that you are genuinely using it to tackle a real problem in your life, and we can all relate to that. Good luck!
Nony (A Slob Comes Clean) says
THanks so much for your encouragement, everyone! Here, I can share my struggles and feel completely accepted and understood by you, my readers. In the real world, if I share, people look at me like I have something growing out of my head. Knowing that those two worlds are about to collide is a little unsettling.
Mama Hen says
I want you to know what an encouragement you have been to me since I started reading a few weeks ago. You have! I don't have a lot of time to write now, but keep doing what you are doing. We are reading (and acting on it in our homes).
Busy Mommy says
Wow. Breckinridge, CO, this is a huge deal. Hope you have fun!!! It'll be here before you know it…you're own little mini "vacation" (anything is a vacation without kids, right? or are you taking the family with you?)
Anonymous says
Realize you are not just some slob but a person who is trying to grow and change her slob like tendencies. I would bet most women have something they feel they are slob – like about. They never tell anyone but I bet it quietly lurks accusing them in their most insecure moments. Their inner critic rising up to remind them of their imperfections. Slob like tendencies are not your only trait. You seem like a fun person and anyone who enjoys reading your blog will probably enjoy your company. Have a great time! -Melissa
Mandy says
I know that this post is 7 years old but I have been greatly encouraged by what I have been reading. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone in my housekeeping fiascoes.
Makena says
I just recently found out about you via Clutterbug on YouTube. I immediately felt like we were soul sisters….but then I heard you talk about God in your interview on Compared to Who?. Awesome. And THEN I just read this post and found out you are also a self proclaimed germaphobe AND historical slob. Wow. I mean really. Wow. I am sorry to hear of another struggling like I always have, but I am so blessed and encouraged to see the amazing progress you’ve made. Thank you for being so real & sharing your deep dark secret, and thank you so so much for the encouragement and advice. I feel more hopeful than ever that I might actually make some significant changes.
Paula says
As someone who found you almost ten years after you hit Publish on this post, it’s a little… I don’t even have words for the adjective to describe the sensation I’m getting seeing how far you’ve come as a blogger AND as an inspiration for thousands of people. You had no idea then what God was preparing you for!