A few weeks ago, my in-laws came to spend the night and go to the boys’ basketball game. Not so very long ago, I would have been doing a dance of joy and pride that it didn’t freak me out to have guests coming, and didn’t require me to clear my week’s schedule in order to clean house.
As it was, I’m definitely proud of myself, and grateful that finally I’m able to enjoy the thought of having guests instead of dreading all the work I know I have to do to be ready for them.
Unlike my own mother, my mother-in-law is not quite so understanding about the chaos thing. It’s not that she is rude about it, but she just truly doesn’t understand, as someone who has always kept her house looking perfectly fine. She’s not an obsessive cleaner, but there’s never once been dirty dishes on the table or dirty undies in the floor when we’ve shown up unexpectedly at her house.
Over the years, I haven’t been able to hide my slobbishness from her completely. And I am sure reports were made when other family members dropped by unexpectedly and saw the true fullness of chaos.
So, I felt great pride when she noticed on this visit. She didn’t notice an absence of dirty clothes on the floor, as I have always cleaned up for her visits. It was as if she was noticing something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She kept saying, “You’re house is looking soooo nice.”
She was noticing details, like the little decorative things I’ve done (and been able to do once the surfaces were cleared of clutter).
It felt good to have her notice, but it really feels good to think that hopefully, my home is a little better than it used to be at being a place where guests can relax and enjoy themselves.
Don’t worry, I guarded the master bedroom door.
Just found you this morning and feel some kinship here. I was a slob as well and work on changing all the time.
I remembered when my sister-in-law came over and just dumped her crumbs on my floor (which was always dirty unless I just vacumed or swept)and put food on my furniture (which was always clean and this really made me mad) But my home had the feeling that nobody cared. It took years and a death in the family for me to begin working towards having a home people could drop in to.
The key for me has always been to tackle small areas and not to look at the bigger picture, because it's overwhelming.
Ohhh, I know what this is like. Actually, my Mother in law is a perfectionist and her house is perfect at all times. I get totally unnerved when she comes.
I WAS doing great on my house but in the last month I really let it slide and now it's really bad. I'm so discouraged. Argh.
I am rejoicing with you~ what a GREAT feeling. I tend to be messy now and then, and it seems the MIL/FIL always see~my unorganized cahos of life myself. I couldn't help ride your article from being lost in blogland this morning-Way to go~ it is such a great feeling when someone notices~ I'm cheering you on!!
Thanks so much for the encouragement!
Lori – I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I've been there.
Jenny – Isn't it amazing how quickly things slide right back to chaos?
I keep commenting on these old posts but I am reading you from the beginning, like you suggested, and I just can’t help myself sometimes. I restrained myself on the “methodical vs maniacal” post, even though it made a big impression on me! This one I had to jump into because you described my mother-in-law to a tee and it made me feel better to be able to get my head around that. It’s not that she openly criticizes, it’s just that I know she “doesn’t get it”. She can. not. relate. at all to how it is for me (which is pretty much like it is for you). Thank you for helping me get some language around that.
I do have some of the “not seeing it” that you have – the whole thing about seeing it look nice when I’ve (maniacally) worked, but somehow not seeing the stages between there and when I suddenly realize it’s a disaster again. But a lot of my problem is less about “it doesn’t cross my mind” to pick up and more about pure rebellion. “I shouldn’t have to” is the biggest problem for me. Or “I just don’t want to”. It’s weird because I’ve always been very much a “good girl” and a “rule follower” (could I use any more quotes in this comment???) – but in this one area it’s like I can’t overcome the don’t-want-to. Combine that with the sometimes don’t-see-it, and I have the recipe for disaster.
ANYWAY… this morphed into a general comment musing on how much you are helping me figure myself out and make progress, but I started out to say YAY for you! because I TOTALLY get what it would mean to have the mother in law notice!!!
I’m in trouble because we are military and so we have always lived hours or days away from MIL and all other family so I get plenty of notice before someone comes over – DH is retiring this summer and we are moving home to live near ALL of our family. Boy, I hope I can follow your example and be doing better before the possibility of drop-in visitors increases exponentially!!!
I can so relate to this! I have the problem of hubby’s family dropping in unexpectedly all the time. We can have the house picked up for days, but one afternoon of the kids trashing the house, me behind on the dishes, and schoolwork spread all over, and that’s the moment my in-laws stop by. I can almost depend on it….it’s very embarrassing.