I consider myself a teaching mom. I don’t necessarily break out the workbook pages, but I am constantly looking for teachable moments. Life lessons in the midst of everyday situations.
About a week ago, my 7 year old son mentioned that he’s not a good runner. He had gone to a cross-country track meet with my husband and thought it was cool, but assumed he wouldn’t be good at it because the other boys at recess are faster than he is.
I took this opportunity to teach a life lesson. My brother, his uncle, is very fit. He’s a runner. He has competed in half-marathons, triathlons, and is working toward doing a full marathon. This is how my son knows him. But, growing up, if you would have told me, or especially him, that he would someday be a runner, we would have laughed. He was always a gifted athlete, but he hated running. He made All-State as the Center of his football team, and he was BIG. He left the running to the guys for whom it was natural. But, he has learned to run.
As an adult, I have realized that most things in life can be learned. I taught Theatre Arts, and have a passion for teaching people to act. I always had a natural ability in the area of acting, but I remember when my eyes were finally opened to the fact that acting is a skill that can be learned. I have such incredible gratefulness toward the college professor who taught us real, tangible skills. For me, the skills brought me to a new level. But what I love about teaching acting is seeing people who never thought they could act, learn that they can! I have seen kids and even adults go from being shy wallflowers with almost no confidence to being excellent actors, because they learn the skills.
There are people who pick up a guitar and play it beautifully the first time. There are others who take off as soon as someone teaches them how to do it. Then there are others who are terrible at first. It doesn’t come naturally, but they spend hours and hours practicing the small things, until they can finally play a song.
When it comes to having a neat and orderly home, I am the one for whom it doesn’t come naturally. But as I try to teach my children, skills can be learned. I’ve made lots of excuses in the past and felt completely justified because keeping a neat home is legitimately hard for me. But the more I practice the skills I need, the better I become. If I keep practicing, and don’t give up, maybe someday I’ll be good at this!
Diane says
Practice makes perfect !!!!!!!
Ashley says
I want to say that I love this post! I like how you pointed out that cleaning can be a skill you can learn. I am a horrible house keeper and a wicked slob, always have been. When I first got married I thought I would do good keep things clean but I was the only one working (my husband is Canadian and we were working on his Citizenship) and I never even unpacked what little we had in our apartment. I would wait till all the dishes were dirty and our tiny kitchen was over run with dishes and then have to wash them all. Then we got pregnant so I was working and tired and things only got worse and we moved again never unpacked and before we had the baby we moved again. Before my first son was born my mother, sister-in-law and grandmother finished unpacking our new trailer and cleaned everything (I was on bed rest) and I thought I could keep it that way but it never stayed. Now I live in South Korea away from all my family and friends and since no one ever sees my house I let it get worse. Well I now have 3 little boys ages 4 years, 21 months and 1 month and its a hard time to get anything done. My mom came for the birth of my 3rd and she helped me get organized and I had started to keep at least the kitchen clean and laundry done with her help. The whole time she was here she kept mentioning your blog so when she left I started reading and reading. I love the whole idea starting small and adding when you can handle the “everyday” tasks. Thank you for being encouraging and honest! I dont know if you will even see this being that its on such an old post but I really am encouraged to clean and have started with your basic check lists and so far I have done 3 days of it. It helped to have the major jump start from my moms cleaning.
Dana White says
Welcome! And I so understand the vicious cycle that happens when you know no one will be coming over! That’s so cool that your mom told you about my blog!
Rebecca says
Thank you! I just started reading your blog and while I wasn’t a complete slob, now that I have 5 my house is in shambles and needs major help. I have been soooooooo overwhelmed that I don.’the know where to start so just get more and more frustrated. You have given me hope. If I do the small things day to day I can slowly regain control of my house and get to be where I want to be. I can really relate to lots of what you write so I just want to say ” Thank you! You are amazing!”
Dana White says
Welcome, Rebecca!!!
Susan says
The fact that you taught Theatre Arts made me think back to my speech/drama teacher in high school in the late 70s. When I registered for the winter trimester of my freshman year I was put in speech because all of the other electives were full (last name started with W). Anyway when I was able to change I changed to typing because the thought of public speaking gave me the willies! Well, my mom made me change back to speech and it was probably one of the best things she ever did for me! I was a natural…who knew! By the end of the trimester I was hooked and loved my teacher Mrs. Anne Heberle…I took speech every trimester until I had all the speech credits that I was allowed, I was president of our Toastmaster’s Club and then switched to drama since I couldn’t take any more speech and I loved that even more! The moral of the story is you never know if you are good at something until you try. I never tried much at housekeeping and my mom always said I was a slob so I assumed I just was. Through following your blog I am making some real progress in this area. My hope is by the end of this year I will love keep my home neat as much as I loved speech!
Dana White says
I LOVE this comment, Susan! Both because of your great attitude, but also for the great memories of my favorite part of teaching Theatre – bringing kids out of their shells and helping them discover what they love!
Andrea says
Hi! I found your blog last week when someone on a forum I frequent mentioned it as an alternative to Flylady. Moment of honesty, here: I love the *idea* of Flylady, and I find many of her methods useful, but ai can’t keep up with the system. There were always so many emails and so much information that it was easy to get sidetracked and feel overwhelmed.
I need something more basic and streamlined, I think, so I’ve started your system of non-negotiables. It isn’t so…cluttered.
My hope is that, with time, I can re-teach my children better cleaning habits by example. As you say in this post, almost anything can be learned, even if it isn’t our natural talent or inclination, so I’m going to keep reminding myself of that in the weeks to come as I try to form some better habits.
Raine says
You are SO right about being able to do something, and even do it well, by learning a skill.
My whole life I’d thought that being artistic was an inborn talent, and either you had it or you didn’t. Then I learned a (very simple) technique that allowed me to create some pretty impressive, original artworks, all on my own, and with no formal training and DEFINITELY no inborn talent at all. I was so surprised!
And of course this can be extrapolated into housekeeping (or most anything). It’s just learn and do … and do, and do, and do … I’m still learning the steps and the techniques, but feeling better and better about it every day. I’m GETTING there — and I’m actually somewhat shocked that I’m enjoying it. Just learning how has made such a huge difference to me, and to many others, I’m sure. Thanks so much, you are helping me more than you can ever know!
Teri says
What an important point you make here – that this is a skill that can be learned. I teach my students about the concept of growth mindset and one’s neuroplasticity allows them to keep learning as long as they don’t allow themselves to be stuck in a fixed mindset. Well, I guess this was the pot calling the kettle black…because I definitely have had a fixed mindset about being organized/clean/on top of things. I need to re-evaluate my approach because there’s no reason I can’t learn to be different. I just have to change my approach, because my heart still BELIEVES that I can’t. Thank you for this post!