Yesterday was one of those days when I was in the mood to clean.
Those don’t happen often, but I used to depend on them. I would try, but get incredibly frustrated, and give up. And usually I would end up feeling hopeless.
Things are better now. While no room yesterday was party-ready, no room (except the always-struggling master bedroom) was a complete disaster either.
Except for my daughter’s room.
I honestly didn’t realize it was that bad. I tackled it . . . twice . . . in the past year. I decluttered it and established real places for things to go. There was a costume tub, a doll-clothes basket, a bow drawer, etc.
I think that I’d been convincing myself that since there were “places” for things, things were being put in those places.
They weren’t.
I rarely remember to have her pick up her room before bedtime. I know this is automatic for most moms, but for some reason, even though I blog daily to keep my focus on maintaining our home, it almost never enters my mind.
I usually help her clean her room by talking her through things. I tell her to pick up all dirty clothes. I then tell her to put books on bookshelves. On and on, having her do small jobs that should eventually translate into a clean room.
But she gets overwhelmed. We generally let it go for so long that it’s impossible to see “all dirty clothes” until she’s cleared the first layer off of the floor.
It’s too much for a four year old. I’m 36, and it’s too much for me. By letting it get that bad, which is something I take complete responsibility for, there is no way for her to clean her room on her own.
Yesterday, as we worked together, without a “grandma’s coming” deadline approaching, my goal was thoroughness. But as I tried to sort through the incredible randomness of her toy box, I felt my own spirit sinking.
It seemed so hopeless. I know this feeling too well. I know the frustration of my brain shutting down when I just can’t make one more decision about whether or not we should keep this Polly Pocket jacket because we may never find the matching skirt.
I titled this post “Facing the Fear of the Known” because I’ve been here before. So many times. I know that I’m in survival mode for summer, but survival mode won’t cut it forever. For us, survival mode allows clutter to creep right back in. Maybe not the surface clutter, but the deep down, truly depressing, stuffed-in-the-wrong-spot clutter.
I am so afraid that as school begins, and I pass the one-year point in this journey, I’m going to have to repeat everything I did last year. All of my posts will be re-de-cluttering the same exact spots that I de-cluttered before.
I know I’m being overly dramatic. I know I’ve made progress. The simple fact that nothing has fallen on me while I’ve been writing this post at my computer desk is proof that I’m not where I was last year.
I realized today that I have fallen back into the “wait for the mood to hit” habit. I have been surviving by doing minimal daily tasks and weekly tasks, but I’m letting things like picking up a toy off of the floor wait until I have a random burst of conscientiousness.
I can’t wait for that. As I move toward beginning another school year, I need to start considering some new non-negotiable tasks. Living in survival mode has shown me that more are needed. Primarily, I need to work on the evening routine, which must include picking up kids’ rooms.
I want my daughter to feel like she’s able to control the state that her room is in. The only way to do that is for her to learn consistency. The only way for her to learn consistency . . . is for me to teach her.
Shell says
Remember that you are getting organized because it is going to help you and your family live a richer, less stressed, happier, more focused life. It's hard because the clutter never stops – it has a way of quietly creeping into our homes. Like it or not, the cycle of decluttering our homes is a forever task.
Teaching your daughter to pick up now will lay such a strong foundation for her when she's older. Start small – I started with having my daughter put her clothes in her hamper every night at bath time. Now, it is so automatic for her if I tell her to put them somewhere else I'll usually find them in the hamper anyway. You know from your kids helping you with the bathrooms, etc that breaking down the tasks into smaller steps will help keep her from getting overwhelmed.
Small steps will eventually yield big results.
Good luck!
Lenetta @ Nettacow says
I feel like getting my little one to pick up is like pulling teeth! She does more playing than picking, and I get really, really frustrated. But I try to take lots of deep breaths and keep after her, because I don't want her to be a little slob-in-training! :>) Hopefully it'll pay off… someday…
Anonymous says
I have raised kids, and expecting a four year old to keep her entire room semi organized with a mom like you is asking too much. Ask her to do a few jobs a day and supervise them closely, as before she goes to bed she should put the clothes she wore that day into the dirty clothes hamper and hang up her towel in the bathroom. All toys should be in one box or laundry basket. Also probably a big part of the problem is that they have too many toys. That is overwhelming. Any kind of paper,pencils, crayons should be your job until she is of school age. delivering clean clothes on hangers and folded to her room is your job, you could supervise her putting them away. Make it a two person activity, while she picks up her room you do your making of the bed, vaccing the floor etc. It reinforces. Then perhaps she can assist you by 'dusting' while you do the same in your bedroom.
Anonymous says
This post has put tears of overwhelment in my eyes. How can I teach/expect my kids to clean their rooms or help around the house when I just stumble around in a stupper because I don't know what to do… It is all just too scarey for me to tackle. I go so quickly from "I am going to get this house in order if it is the last thing I do!" to "crap… there is no hope so why bother even trying…" in a matter of a few moments and one look around me.
Thank you for your honesty and REALness in your blog. You give me a spark of hope in a hopeless situation called my home.
Nony the Slob says
Hi Anon, I have been exactly where you are, and still sometimes feel like I'm still there. It's such a long process, and I don't know that it will ever truly be over.
Tine says
I don’t think decluttering is ever over. Living produces clutter. I think the only thing to do is to cultivate the habit of regular pickups, and to have less stuff. And remember, the purpose of all this decluttering and cleaning and tidying is so we can enjoy living in our homes. If you can do that, you’ve succeeded, even if someone else’s standards are different.
Shanna says
2 Gallon zip loc bags! I don’t know if you switch out toys or not but this works pretty well. I have big, opaque plastic tubs stacked in the closet and separate the toys into the bags. Barbie, pet shop, polly, magnet dolls etc. they can pick a bag or two. Dora requires her own bin and dress up is now 2 bins! (4 girls-they love dress up- come on!) Sometimes a bin is left in a room for days or weeks then retired for a while. It makes it easier to just throw everthing in the bin or bag and they love to slide the bin to one of the baby’s rooms to put away. I usually do the “hurry-hurry-race” voice and call out a genre of toy for them to pick up. I keep the bins in the babys’ closets so they can’t see them and then we can “shop” for a “new” toy.
This can get out of hand when they have company, it’s just too hard for company to pick one thing and I am a pushover. With a bin for every toy though it goes quickly and mindlessly during emergency pick up.
This is one thing that has actually worked for me!