I used to believe there wasn’t a point in working on my house unless I had a chunk of time to spend on it, so I could really make an impact.
I was wrong. Using Awkward Pauses to work on established routines has improved my house more than waiting for large chunks of time to open up ever did.
Here’s a story of using an Awkward Pause:
My daughter informed me that she’d like to leave for school in 12 minutes. For y’all’s sake, I took a picture of the clock and headed to get dressed.
“Getting dressed” didn’t take long since it just meant putting on yesterday’s lounge clothes.
Back in the kitchen, I turned to my half-emptied dishwasher. I finished emptying it and then reloaded it with the sink full of food storage containers Hubby had found in a bag he’d brought home from work.
I took another picture. (For you.) 7:42.
This is when the pause got really awkward. I had 8 minutes left, and the kitchen basics were done. I have TPAD (Time Passage Awareness Disorder), so I’m not good at predicting how long any given task will take, but the most obvious thing to do was start another load of laundry since it was Laundry Day. The washing machine was open, and there was a pile of dirty clothes waiting to go into it.
I put the pile into the washing machine, added my own dirty clothes (that I hadn’t gathered when the rest of the family sorted theirs the night before), and turned on the machine.
I took a terrible picture of the clock, and it said 7:45. (You’ll have to trust me.)
There were clothes in the dryer, waiting to be folded. It felt pointless to start folding with only five minutes, but they were going to have to be folded anyway. Five minutes’ head start couldn’t hurt.
My other option was five minutes of not getting anything done.
When it was time to leave for school, the level of clothes waiting to be folded had gone from this to this:
I’ve talked on and on and on around here about the value of using Awkward Pauses. I still resist them, because they’re awkward.
But my house is better off because I used this one. Just like it’s always better off when I spend an Awkward Pause getting stuff done instead of standing around feeling awkward.
Oh Dana! I also have TPAD! I just didn’t know what it was called. Since I have been listening to your podcast, I have learned many things I wish I would have known. Like the container concept for instance. I’m going to be 60 years young this year and I’m trying to figure out how I got to this age and didn’t know how to keep my home decluttered. I will say that I was raised by a hoarder. That has been a huge challenge because I have acquired many things and kept them “just in case”. Well, with your inspiration, I have been decluttering my home for the last month. I’m doing amazing and so thankful for your wisdom. God Bless you sweet young lady! Keep sharing your journey.
Hi! I’m a new listener.. kind of.. I came across your podcast 2 weeks ago, and since then I’ve bought both your audiobooks (and finished them) and immediately started implementing your methods in my own home (which has never been cleaner). I really enjoy your podcasts, and I’ve been listening to them nonstop. I realize this probably isn’t the place for this question (and I hope it doesn’t come across as rude), but I was listening to episode 261 today (Measuring Progress, Measuring Success) and you mentioned that you’d been listening to weight loss podcast that you weren’t going to suggest just yet… I was wondering if I could get the name of that podcast? I’m just really curious because if a weight loss podcast could help me be motivated to lose weight anything like your podcast has helped me to be motivated in my home, then I really need it! Lol Thank you for all the work you do, you’ve really helped me!!
I love awkward pauses too. In fact, it’s hard to make myself do major tasks (vacuuming and using carpet cleaner in time to not have to go back and vacuum again first comes to mind.) Thanks for the shout out for awkward. That’s me! 🙂
I love this new mindset. I wonder if you have any advice for balancing self-care, just resting, in an awkward pause versus filling it with some chores? I’m not even sure if that question makes sense. And it may be a COVID question that I wouldn’t ask in a normal season of life. Anyway. Love ya!
Hi Kim,
I have been doing some of this for the past 13 years consciously and probably more than that without noticing the need for it.
As a chronic illness patient, I have to manage my energy levels daily , as we all do, and they might not be the same amount each day, like not even close to what I would expect from the day before .
Pacing is what the chronic illness and chronic pain communities call the idea of doing something active and not necessarily super active in comparison with other people, and then having a rest period to regroup. Then doing that pattern of activity and resting for as much as you feel comfortable doing that day without going to the point of needing extra time or methods to recover from the activity.
That said, when you are resting you can do things that are not necessarily just sleeping unless you’re in need of that. I tend to do things like decluttering sessions and home care sessions and so on as well as physical activity sessions as the activity time for anywhere from five minutes to a point of feeling like I am about 40- 60% having my battery depleted. Then, I will go sit down and rest my body (arms and legs pretty much), while also taking time to do some more of the things that are fun to do and that are not as active (crafts, reading, writing, watching television, etc). Depending on the day, I will probably do the rest and activities in the same amount of time sessions and I usually use the timer on my phone or my microwave to keep track of the length of time.
I try not to do more than 4-6 sessions of activity and rest combined together, so if I’m doing something for 10 minutes per sessions, then it will be about 80-120 minutes total, with 10 minutes active time and then 10 minutes of rest time throughout the focused sessions like this. If I’m having a flare up day. It could be a single session day and I might do just 5 & 5 minutes of activity & rest. The remainder of my day will be whatever else is needed for life needs.
I hope this helps and that it makes sense.
Thanks Dana! You are an inspiration. I have been using this concept for years and now I have a short mental list of awkward pause tasks. The big bonus is that it makes me less irritated at the person I am waiting on.
Besides laundry and dishes, quick (5 minute) pick-up, move the vacuum to where I need it next, drink more water, check my to do list, pray for someone, tidy the bathroom.
This concept plus the 5 minute pick up have radically changed my life (and my house!). Thank you, Dana. Love your honest approach.
Kim, I have CFS and ME and have to take it steadily too. Yes, there are times when it is BEST to rest for those 10 minutes as then one has more strength and energy to get through the rest of the day and more ends up getting done in the long run.
Hello, I’m new here, and almost never post comments anywhere — but Dana, your books and mindset have changed my life (and I’m pretty old, LOL). Thank you so much. You’ll never know how much better I now feel about “better” and “less.”
Kim and Ruth, I would agree that YES, sometimes a few minutes of prayer, meditation, rest, and/or silence are just what we need. Face it, there will ALWAYS be something else to do in my house. I am learning to take a few minutes of needed “self-care” without letting a break morph into a popcorn/Netflix afternoon… unless I’ve planned it, that is! 🙂
Have a great day! So happy to have found this oasis!
I have been trying to do something similar, and sometimes with even shorter awkward pauses. Like…while I am waiting for my coffee to brew, I wash anything that happens to be in the sink. Or I wipe the counter…or I wash that one stupid pan that no one every seems to see…so, by the time the water runs through the Keurig, things are already looking better!
As always, with great appreciation for Dana and her awesome experience and strategies! I am loving taking back my house as well!
I so relate to this, and never more than when we moved from an apartment complex with a shared laundry room, to a house with our own washer/dryer.
When we lived in the apartment used to set a timer to get my laundry in and out of the machines, so as not to keep anyone waiting, and in those 30 minute spurts of time I invariably ended up doing a few housekeeping things, because there wasn’t enough time to get into doing anything fun like start a new book or craft, or phone call or whatever.
Once we bought our house, I never set the timer again, and wow does my house show it! Like you, I felt like there was no point in cleaning until there is a huge chunk of time to do so…. but the opposite is true!
One thing that’s weird, is that I somehow did better with the timer when it was a matter of the laundry room timing than I ever did with Flylady, though; why do you suppose that is?!
THAT was hands down the BEST demonstration of how much you can get done in only a few minutes! I’m inspired!!
Thank you,
Janice from Texas
Your theory is great but I hope that you turned the washing machine off before you left the house. Several years ago, we had a fill valve in our washing machine stick open and we ended up with several inches of water on the floor in a very short period of time.
You rock Dana! Thanks for the reminder and inspiration!
Oh my gosh! Those ‘awkward moments’ would be perfect for sitting down and praying! All of these are such great suggestions!
Because I can be so easily consumed in things like the internet, I often set timers to remind me to get up and do some other task that needs accomplished. So an hour or so might look like: 1. Check Facebook/ emails / articles 2. Wash dishes 3. Check for responses to emails 4. Sort photographs 5. 5 minute pickup 6 Kids’ lessons 7. Sort photographs 8. Taxi my kids 9. Get supper started 10 Check for messages….etc.
Dear Dana,
I have to tell you, you are my people! and a huge thank you for articulating what I couldn’t seem to figure out ever. I am a drama teacher, so like you my brain works differently and I could never figure out why I couldn’t get organized even though I implemented “brilliant strategies”. I have finally learned the magic of decluttering and awkward pauses, the donatable donation box, the 2 decluttering questions and especially the container concept. You have truly helped me change my home, and change my thinking and change my life. I have donated at least 8 boxes of clutter in the last month. I have sold books and baby things (my youngest is 5). And I feel like I can breathe in my home. I have listened to both your books and am listening to them again just to make sure I stay motivated. I still have a long way to go but I can’t believe the visible changes that surround me. Thanks for sharing and helping me learn that better is the goal.
I often turn the washing machine on before leaving the house. Honestly, if the valve stuck when I was there or not wouldnt matter, I wouldnt notice it for hours anyway lol That sounds like such a unfortunate accident!
I have followed your blog for a couple of years. You have helped me so much. When I started reading your blog, I went to the very beginning and read it all. I felt like I was reading about myself. While my home is no where near where I want it to be, it is certainly better than it used to be. I am learning that progress is better than perfection.
HI Nicki Neese, I’ve been using a few tweaks here & there like the awkward pauses & found the excess weight just falling off;
• get rid of white, processed sugar, salt, flour & replace with the good stuff (real sugar like molasses, coconut sugar & raw honey, real sea salt; Celtic, pink Himalayan, real flour like Spelt, wholegrain & Organic, eat a lot more Organic foods like fruit, veg, salads, soups, meat – grass fed plus dairy products. These slight changes & tweaks don’t cost more & are much better for you. Also walk more, get fresh air & sunshine, come off pharmaceutical drugs as they cause a lot of weight gain & are highly toxic, find natural supplements like Ritual, drink herbal teas & fresh water, replace your personal products & household products to natural alternatives, which our grandmothers used like Soda Crystals & White vinegar – cheaper too! I know it sounds like a lot but just do a few bits, incorporate & carry on. Also the easiest way is to do intermittent fasting, so no dieting involved… try it & God Willing the weight will fall off naturally & with very little effort. I’ve gone down from 85kg to 70kg in 3 years!