I’m three weeks and a day past my hysterectomy, and it hasn’t been fun.
On day three, I realized I wasn’t going to be like the people who said they never even had to take a pain pill.
On day 8, I realized I wasn’t going to be like the people who said they felt great after the first week.
On day 15, I had to accept that the “magical two week mark” wasn’t so magical for me.
I’m hoping that on Day 22, I’ve figured out what I have to do.
I am in a time of what I’m calling “aggressive rest.” I’m making myself lay flat in my bed BEFORE I feel tired. BEFORE I start hurting so much that I can’t stand up straight.
And even though my living room is now pretty, I brought in a little ugly.
That black chair is one I borrowed from the youth room at my church. I sat in it on Sunday night and realized it was the only time I’d been comfortable in a seated position since my surgery.
So I asked if I could borrow it.
Here’s the thing.
Through this experience, I’m being reminded of my project brain, and how it isn’t always a good thing. My project brain is what makes me believe so strongly that the answer to this (and all) my problem(s) is to push through. To get to the finish line so I can be done.
I’ve learned over the years that treating my house like a project doesn’t work. Waiting until I have time to clean from top to bottom means I let things go that shouldn’t be left until I have time and energy to clean from top to bottom. Dishes aren’t a project. They’re something that needs to be done daily. Not doing them daily sends my house down a very bad path.
My recovery isn’t a project. I can’t push my body to heal. When I push, I make things worse and end up flat on my back, unable to do anything.
But the point of this post is that adjustments are okay.
Physical adjustments like ugly black chairs are okay. They’re not what I want in my newly decorated living room, but being there means I can sit comfortably to work on my computer instead of standing for hours while my computer sits on the kitchen counter.
Expectation adjustments like deciding that it’s okay to read a book in bed before exhaustion hits, specifically in order to avoid exhaustion, is okay. Exhaustion, in my present post-surgery circumstances, causes harm.
Home routine adjustments like embracing the return of the Clean Laundry Chair, because I’m not the one doing laundry, is okay. We can all survive wearing wrinkled clothes for a while.
Here’s the thing.
Wishing I’d had an easier recovery doesn’t help. Wishing I’d bounced back faster doesn’t help me bounce back any faster.
While I wish I could do things the right way, the ideal way, I have to do them the way that works. In reality. Inside my real life.
Sometimes that’s temporary, like with this surgery.
Sometimes it’s forever. Like living under my Clutter Threshold even though I’d sure like to have more stuff.
I’m not sure there’s a major point to this post. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about how resisting my reality does more harm than good.
And how slower-than-it-would-be-if-everything-was-perfect progress is better than making things worse by trying to force things to happen in a way that’s actually impossible.
Slow progress is better than no progress.
Dear Dana,
Wishing you wholeheartedly to feel better soon!
Daniela
I had a hysterectomy about nine years ago, the kind with the big scar, and I don’t remember doing all that much until just before they cleared me to go back to my office job (eight weeks later). You’re probably healing at a rate that’s well within the normal range for what you’ve been through. You’re right about needing to let yourself take time to heal. You’re starting to cut yourself some slack, too, which is just as important. Your family can pitch in for a few weeks – they probably even enjoy the chance to show you some love. Take care of you.
I had a C-Section (and my tubes tied) when I had my daughter. It was 3 weeks before Thanksgiving and I realized I would not be able to make Thanksgiving dinner by myself. (How do you lift a 20 pound turkey without using your abs?!) I remember sitting in my kitchen and yelling to my husband every time the oven needed to be opened and the turkey needed to be basted or taken out. It was the hardest time I can remember. You will heal. God just wants you to slow down, so you are healing slower than you would like.
I’m so sorry your recovery isn’t going as well as you hoped. I am REALLY happy that you are healing and taking care of yourself. Reality is a harsh thing.
I know after my c-sections all I could do (and was expected to do) was feed the baby. Give yourself time to heal. Be still.
What a fantastic post! It is incredibly meaningful for me. I am 65, have multiple medical issues along with being in terrible shape. I too have a “project mind” that makes me push through when I know I shouldn’t and I always pay for it. Thanks so much for writing this and helping me to realize I can do what I want by coming up with work arounds to get me through in the easiest way possible. The article just brought it home for me. This is actually the first thing I have read from you as I just signed up the other day. Can’t wait for more!
Oh yes, Susan! and, yes Dana — you are doing great — taking care of ourselves is something so many of us don’t do!! (me, too!)
Give each thing the time it needs. —Buddhist saying.
I know about learning these lessons the hard way over my 70 years of life and surgeries and just life events.
Stay ahead of PAIN the dictator. I had to learn to do this, that taking pain meds was not a contest with the prize going to the one who used the least! Same with activities: you are wise to rest first.
Take good care, be kind to yourself. Thanks for all you have done for your fans!
Dana I pray you feel better soon!!!Please relax and heal! !! I do believe your post is an eye opener for everyone…I love you so much because I’m just like you and I was afraid there was no fixing it for me till God provided you and your words , attitude and all!!!!
My three favorite words from you, “Here’s the thing…..” and then my mind says “Of course, THANK YOU!” I am practicing aggressive rest, too…lol, I just didn’t know it.
I have (somewhat humbly) learned that arthritis and diverticulitis were not conspiring for the win (as I thought) but it was actually me not being able to be accept my limitations so I just thought I was babying myself when everything went sideways and I didn’t (even though I actually couldn’t) stop it.
Now, I do things for a bit, then I rest. Sometimes I do more, or try for it and then back to rest. While I rest, I find podcasts or work on some projects that are still just computer based but as long as the dishes are good, laundry is good and we have stuff to cook I am comfortable and anything else is extra good.
And I’m resting right now…lol XOXO
Had my H 2 years ago. You’re wise to rest!
Do you have an abdominal binder? LIFESAVER. Not too late in your recovery to get one. Search “abdominal binder post surgery” on Amazon.
Good timing for me. I have a 10 day old baby and I was doing a good job of sort of keeping up, then today I got a stomach bug. It’s not been fun and my house is currently spiraling into a mess, but my husband keeps the dishes done,and right before she was born I decluttered (really really decluttered) my 2 biggest problem areas. So thanks to that I know that when I’m back to full power it won’t be a completely unclimbable mountain to get things back to how they should be. So today I get to rest and recover.
I love you Nony. I’ve read your books and you have helped me tremendously! I have gotten behind lately with stress situations. I’m raising 2 of my grandkids because of my daughter’s addiction. I can always recover because I “just do the dishes! My grandma name is Noni and I feel so connected to you💕. Keep the blogs and books coming!!
Thanks, Dana, for all you do! Rest and get well!
Happy Mother’s Day!
I had my hysterectomy 20 years ago! I was released after 3 months for half time work for a month before returning to full-time work. I noticed a change for the better at 6 months.
Everyone has their own recovery time. Another lady in the office had the same surgery and was up & about right away. My doctor said not to lift anything heavier than 5 pounds & I adhered to that & I am so thankful I did. The other lady in the office developed very painful scar tissue and had to have a second surgery to remove it.
So please take the time YOU need and don’t compare yourself to others.
Thank you for all your decluttering tips. I am praying that you regain your strength soon but listen to your body. I love your sense of humor.
My mother picked me up when I was a two year-old and nearly died from the bleeding that it started. I’ve always remembered that since then. I know that surgeries are now much easier. But it’s still good to make sure you’re obeying the doctor’s orders. 😊
Happy Mother’s Day!
You do the dishes after every meal. Even if there are only 4 small items in the sink, put a dab of soap on them and rinse them and put them in the dish drainer.
Then when the next meal is ready to be made, there aren’t any dirty dishes sitting around.
Your post made me cry. I have had physical problems that have made rest necessary. I am so sorry that you, our dear Nony, have been going through this. It is wisdom to let things go for awhile, even for the queen of decluttering. Good work listening to your body. God loves us to have periods of rest. May you experience his healing and peace.
Oh my word!! You had yours 3 days and a week after mine (April 5, 2019). At the time, I didn’t see this post or anything eluding to it. Mainly I was sleeping, watching YouTube or mentally preparing for my son’s HS graduation (first child) and his grad party. I also started working out of the house again the first week of June that year. I didn’t see the light of day so to speak for awhile. Had the hysterectomy and 2 major hernia repairs at the same time. The one repair especially made me unable to do much at all til the end of May. Somehow I got through it, but you have my sympathies and understanding of why you wrote this post, as I remember!
Now that you’ve reposted, it is totally ministering to me today as I’m preparing for said son’s wedding! I can’t believe how much I must think like you. I’ve been considering my house a project, and have supposedly been working on it since June, with now 3 weeks before wedding to go! It needs a major overhaul before wedding guests arrive! I guess my takeaway is I need to do something rather than give up because I can’t do it the way I want. A lot of it is fear in not wanting to start a certain aspect of the decluttering. Any further ideas from you in this panic is welcome.
Juggling 4 kids at home during a pandemic with both parents working has definitely taken a toll on some of the new household habits I had managed to adopt. I was a little sad when I left for work this morning with my bed unmade and laundry still needing to be put away (I would have gotten the laundry done but for my 3 year old wanting to “help”), but I am trying to give myself grace.
Your post also spoke to me about my weight loss journey, it’s also not a project. It is the sum of newly adopted habits in eating, food prep, and activity. The eating and food prep have taken a big hit with the current craziness, but I have managed to keep up activity by doing walks & bike rides with my kids.
Your words go through my head several times a day. While I don’t follow the “head explosion” rule to a “T”, I do have a “head explosion” box that holds anything in that category that I can’t quite get rid of yet. I try to run my dishwasher daily even if I don’t get all the handwash only stuff done, and I have employed the term “crazy pants” more than once.
Thanks for your advice and commiseration, it is always just what I need!!
Stay healthy!!
Emily- please check with your doctor if you get a fever- I’m thinking sepsis is possible. Hopefully just a stomach bug but don’t wait to see!