Over the summer, something terrible happened.
It happened slowly, and the slowness made the pain so much worse.
My beloved comforter, the one I’d pretended still looked fine for the past decade . . . started (quite literally) falling apart.
I wasn’t surprised. That thing was 21 years old.
Yes. Really.
To be clear, I hadn’t kept it for decorative purposes, and on the rare occasions when my master bedroom was accessible to non-immediate-family, I covered the bed with something nicer (and newer).
But the comforter had the unique combination of probably-can’t-find-another-one-like-it-everness and sentimental value.
That’s a powerful combination.
I bought it for myself when I set up my apartment as a single woman living alone in Thailand.
First apartment alone? Check.
Purchased in the midst of the adventure of a lifetime? Check.
Exactly the design (blue gingham) that has caused my heart to sing for my entire life? Check.
But along with the memory-triggers, it was truly the very best comforter I’ve ever had in my life. It was incredibly soft and cool to the touch. And though it was technically stuffed with whatever comforters are stuffed with (giving it the comforting qualities of a comforter), it was lightweight and perfect for summer.
I mean, it was a cozy blanket for use in the tropics. The seasons in Thailand are Hot, Hotter, and Hottest. This meant it was also the perfect bed-covering for Texas. Winter happens, but summer takes up most of the calendar year.
I’m convinced that it isn’t possible to find another like it here in the U.S. Not that I’ve ever actually looked.
For years, as it faded and thinned and the edging rubbed away, I knew the day would come when I couldn’t use it anymore. When it would literally fall apart. I dreaded that day.
One night last month, my foot wasn’t cozy. As I stretched, it hit something scratchy instead of smooth.
One side, the whole side, had torn open. Soon another corner was gone.
I thought about getting out my sewing box, but decided to be realistic. The falling-apartedness of every inch of edge on the entire thing would mean repairing it would be more trouble than it was worth.
I slept several more nights with that comforter, grieving as it became harder and harder to arrange the non-scratchy parts just so.
And then I thought of a way to use it. To, ultimately, use it up.
My dogs needed bedding. We didn’t have anything that fit just right in their crates, and though they never complained, I felt bad about that.
So after thinking about it for another few days, I grabbed my scissors, took a deep breath, and started cutting. One-quarter of the king-sized comforter was folded up into bedding for my itty-bitty dog’s crate, and the other three-quarters were folded up and placed in my humongous new puppy’s crate.
And best of all? I didn’t even wash it first. My dogs think their “new” bedding smells amazing.
Although I loved it, that comforter had used up its usefulness to me. I was still holding on because of the memories attached.
Even after it started to annoy me more than it comforted me.
But using it to meet a real need allowed me to let go. To make the cut that meant there was no going back. And already, the comforter’s new job has made me less attached. I didn’t even demonstrate how soft it was/is in the video below because I’m not going to rub my face on my dog’s bedding.
That’s a win-win. Decluttering something by using it, and using it in a way that makes me less attached.
The same thing happened with the burp cloths I used as dusting rags. Once they were grimy from serving their second purpose, I could throw them away. I wasn’t attached to them like I was when I couldn’t bear to get rid of them even though we no longer had burping babies. (Burping boys, yes . . . but it’s not the same.) Embroidered baby gear is sentimental. Stained dust rags? Not so much.
The same thing happened when I started drinking out of collector cups we’d gathered over the years. Once they broke or the printing faded, I decluttered them without even a sigh.
What’s paralyzing you? Could you use it up?
DISCLAIMER: I loved the comment from Nell, so let me be clear: this is one strategy for breaking through Decluttering Paralysis. It isn’t “the way to declutter” and her comment is an excellent example of why I wrote my books. Blog posts are fun to write and hopefully fun to read. They’re short and to the point, but they generally only cover one point out of the oh-so-many struggles faced by the person who is completely overwhelmed with clutter. There are so many mindset changes to address and roadblocks to tear down and it is a long process to change how you think and how your home operates. My books cover all of that in instructional form. They talk you through the entire process. Thoroughly. They address your objections and your but-what-ifs and your pity parties. They give you the exact steps to get stuff out of your house. They tell you what it takes to build Decluttering Momentum and how to keep on decluttering when that momentum comes to a screeching halt.
Get Decluttering at the Speed of Life wherever books are sold, but here it is (through my own affiliate link) on Amazon. It will talk you through the process of decluttering your home, no matter the depth of your piles.
If you are completely overwhelmed with everything home-management-related, get How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind.
If you can’t afford a book, check it out from your local library.
See the video on YouTube here.
I think though there should be a disclaimer … Sometimes using up OR finding a good home for it OR trying to decide if we should ask the gifter if they want it back works but for those of us with cluttering problems, it can also veer from an alternative into a REQUIREMENT. So just as some of us have “trigger foods” that we should abstain from, some of us can not entertain the thoughts of using up AND/OR finding a good home etc. b/c the outcome is overwhelming clutter.
Also, if you read “STUFF” by R. Frost and someone else … they talk about how it’s good to notice when we declutter how the angst of letting go generally fades with time …
Love your columns. Thanks for all you do.
Yes, completely agree!
I have used your use it up method before and it really helps.
Very well put Nell.
I❤ this page so much
I’m almost 50 and still have the comforter my mom bought me when my room was redecorated when I became a teenager. It was quite the splurge at the time a day was nicer than the one my parents had! When my kids were young we used it as a playgroup-at-the-park blanket, then we used it at early morning soccer games. Now we use it at the beach. Lat time I used it I noticed the seams were starting to part. So glad to find out I’m not the only person who panicks at such things. Now…..what can I change it into….
Great article. I looks adorable in the crates as well. I think for me giving something I love to someone that needs it more helps. Those precious fur babies now can love it. Incredi-comforter lives on.
This is also an excellent way to incorporate “impractical” things into regular use miraculously making them practical.
I had a china cabinet of tea cups. Gifts that were given with the best intent but were annoying to keep dusted. I didn’t set to collect such things but once you display something people give you more…and more…
So I started using them. They’re sturdier than they look. And if one happens to break…well, because it had its time to be used and it’s somehow easier to part with.
Erin, please see my reply below directed to Renee. Both of you inspired me to use my vintage drinking glasses. I have a couple sets of cups and saucers that I occasionally use when I drink hot tea. They are special and beautiful, but if they should get broken, I wouldn’t be devastated. Thank you for reminding me to use my special things and not to “save” them for a rainy day.
I keep mentally writing a two-page letter about how I came to find your blog and how much identify with and love all you do. So to avoid putting off my appreciation any longer, I’ll just shout, I LOVE YOU, NONY! One of these days, when I have plenty of uninterrupted free time, I’ll write that letter.
Dana,
Thank you for putting yourself out there! You have helped me on so many levels.
I love watching, listening to you daily. You help me get through my days duties.
Hugs and kisses.
Love this…I have been trying to use up stockpiles of soap and lotion this way! Can’t buy more until what I have is almost gone!
The penny pincher in me loves this strategy! It’s saved me countless $$$ to reuse and repurpose things. Old (extra) sheets became curtains or another set of pillow cases. Scraps of wood made a puppet stage. I know it sounds counter-intuitive to minimizing clutter, but when your investment in something is, well, $0, it’s easy to pass on to someone else, toss it out or donate when I’m done with it. No buyer’s remorse here!! 😀 Grammie would be proud!
That is a great idea! This helps with things I just can’t get rid of just because the original cost or the sentimental value. The other thing that works for me is lending it to friends. Like baby stuff. Once someone else’s baby as spit up on it, it has less sentimental value. Plus I can keep it without storing it in case we decide to have more.
Also, I totally echo Kim, I have been wanting to write you an email to tell you how much you changed my life and my house. I am still a slob, don’t get me wrong, but I have implemented so many of your strategies that I feel like I am not loosing my mind anymore. I always tell my husband “My best friend Dana says . . .” (insert husband’s eye-roll here) because I listened to the audio book How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind so many times I felt like you came into my home, took me by the hand and gave me hope for a less cluttered, more productive home. I also recommend your book and blog to all of my friends struggling with the same problems. THANK YOU!!
I have found that lending/giving can be hoarding by proxy. People who don’t really want to get rid of something push it off on me. It becomes my clutter that I can’t give or toss because the giver still has a hold on the item. I have enough clutter of my own so I really hate things that come with strings attached. I struggled with the baby clothes thing as well thoug, happy to report that I am down to one tote of blankets and one tote of clothes.
What a great post! Love the story behind the quilt and can completely relate. I have items from decades ago that have memories attached and I marvel that I have them…and why.
Usually it’s because I’ve never really thought about it much… they’ve just become part of the foundation of life.
I have items I grew up with…for instance I have my parents’ letter opener, which is probably 50years old at least! Deciding if I keep these things I give them the energy test… good vibes or not so good. Then buh-bye and thanks for all the fish…if that’s the decision.
Speaking of using collectible items…I have a set of adorable glasses I got as a gift 25 years ago in Japan that have never seen the light of day. I think it’s time to get them out and USE and enjoy them. Thanks for the reminder!
Renee, I am reading this post while sitting at the kitchen table and thought I should get up and get a drink of water. After reading your comment about using your tea cups, I decided to use one of the vintage drinking glasses that I acquired after my parents passed away over five years ago—a set of eight glasses in a holder that was a wedding gift to my parents back in 1952. I think we used them a few times while growing up, but not often. When I brought them home, I just put them aside. I finally washed them and put them on the counter and they’ve been sitting there for months with a tea towel over them to keep the dust off of them. This moment is the first I have used them, and it feels so wonderful! I know that sounds crazy, but I can use these and think about my parents, not that I need a drinking glass to do that, but it is a good feeling! Thank you for prompting me to use my vintage, drinking glasses!
Renee, I loved your reference to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy… and your comments too, …of course. I also have a set of delightful tangerine color vintage glasses that I will begin to use and enjoy 😄
About the baby clothes I cherish.
1. I save the special outfits for the child who wore it, as a keepsake.
2. I save the good ones for any future grand-babies. Or
3. I place them with the little girls’ doll clothes so they can dress their doll babies and play house.
And since I will always keep some toys for Guest Children, I never really need to be rid of the special things I love so much.
‘Containerizing’ helps here. I can’t keep it all!
What A wonderful idea to use it all up when it’s hard to let go. I have enjoyed your podcasts (I listen while I clean and declutter) and now your blog so much. I’ve been contemplating a blog myself for years but held myself back. Looking over your early posts reminded me that it doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t even matter if anyone reads it if having one helps me fulfill my goals. So I’ve finally started. And I ended up mentioning your blog in one of my first posts so I linked here. Maybe it will help others to find you and in that to find hope for themselves and their home, if anyone ever finds my blog to follow the link. My brand spanking new blog is called Kubla Khan in the Car Line and right now it’s just a few ramblings but my hope is that one day it will be a place to make other literary and creative moms feel they’ve found their tribe. Thank you so much because of you I now have my kitchen clean, my dishes done and my blog.
One of the reasons I enjoy your blog, aside from the household aspects, are gems like this: “Winter happens, but summer takes up most of the calendar year.” Thank you from a Las Vegas reader.
A few years ago we downsized when moving to a more expensive city. I decided I didn’t have room for full sets of “good” china and everyday dishes in the kitchen. Rather than store things I don’t use, I got rid of the “everyday” dishes and decided to use the china! I don’t have small children at home and I kept a small set of plastic picnic ware for use when we have small visitors. Yes, I shed a tear when the first chip appeared, but I love using the china and setting a nice table every day.
I really liked the suggestion in one of the books to re-purpose items into cleaning cloths. I did this with some old t-shirts and used them up as cleaning rags and in lieu of paper towels, which I’m trying to get away from using or at least use less of them. I make most of my clothes (talk about a huge declutter – the craft stuff!), and I “re-purposed” some wooden buttons from an old duvet cover I made after it was wearing out. I made a sheath dress and put the buttons down the back of the dress. And learned that buttoning a dress from the back is way different from using a zipper in the back. LOL.
I’m also learning that I don’t have to replace, donate, or re-purpose a kitchen towel just because it’s stained, as long it is bleached and laundered and clean, it is still workable as a kitchen towel. And since I do laundry once a week, I don’t need to own 40 kitchen towels. 🙂
Thanks for bring me back from unconsciousness. 🙂
Currently using up “special napkins” instead of thinking of them when the special day rolls around. Also using up toothpaste and floss samples.
My mother’s mantra.
Use it up.
Wear it out.
Make it do.
Or do without.
Thank you, Dana, for your insight. I swear you live in my head. lol
You are the only person I’ve come across whose advice actually works for me – you should see how many “how to declutter books I’ve decluttered! As my parents were “mature” when I was born in 1964 (Mum was almost 41 years – surprise!) I was brought up with the “make-do-and-mend” mantra of Me its of their generation , and things were reused until they literally fell to pieces. The bucket with a lid that I currently use for wild bird seed storage was originally for soaking my terry nappies before washing (those nappies/ diapers were cut up for cleaning rags).
Dana, the first thing I thought of when I saw the picture of the blue gingham check and your love for it, I wondered if you had ever made yourself a costume of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz! I can certainly see you doing that and enjoying wearing that outfit! Just put your little dog in a basket, and you are good to go!
Dana, I love your articles, I am 85 years old, and i will die someday, now what happens to all the stuff, especially pictures, I have pictures from 1955 From before I was even married, now I know the kids won’t want these pictures, but what has to happen to them. There are way more than I would ever put on my computer. They are all neatly labeled, in a book, or in a box. Want to know what happened in 1965? I can find it, in a minute. Any ideas? I have 4 children, 13 grandchildren, and 6 great grandchildren, some they might want, but who knows. Thanks for any ideas.
Try a local history museum from where most of the pictures were taken.
Anita I think you’d be surprised at how interested your family may be in those pictures! It’s wonderful that they are all labeled and in good order- that’s a wonderful gift for your family.
Maybe let your kids and grandkids choose some photos now?? Or ask them at least before throwing them away. Photo records of relatives are wonderful, I have precious few pictures of my relatives. I so wish I had more! My mother passed several years ago and I found boxes full of unlabeled pictures of people I’m sure were special to her but I have no idea who they are! If I knew I would keep those that belonged to the family tree for my grandchildren but I don’t know- I have asked all of my elderly relatives who are still living about some of them but it’s an enormous task, frankly most will be thrown away! It’s such a favor to the next generations that you have labeled these pictures!
I know I’m not Dana, but I have advice if you’d like.
I recently went through with my grandma and digitized old photos to share with the family. I bought her one of those slideshow picture frames and they now play on a rotating basis for my family when they visit her. A few of the photos had old landmarks, and I contacted the towns historical society to see if they wanted them, which they did. And the photos she just couldn’t part with were turned into a scrapbook for her grandchildren (probably me lol) when the time comes. Having it all condensed into a smaller amount, putting the photos to use where all can see, and making them accessible to the family has made everyone so happy to see the old memories.
Good luck!
Anita, I’m at a similar point in life. Could you choose a dozen or so of your favorite photos — ideally from different eras of your life — and write the background story for each? Your loved ones (and depending on the photo, possibly your town’s historical society) would surely love to know who people pictured are, why they are/were important to you, orwhat the trip to X meant or maybe even how it changed your life. Matt Paxton of Legacy List has a book, Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff, that has great questions that prompt this kind of storytelling.
You said “I know the kids won’t want these pictures…” I’m curious if you have actually asked them? If not, they might surprise you. Or maybe one of the later generations might want them. If more than one person wants them, perhaps you could designate one person to be the “keeper of the pictures.”
I have one child who is into genealogy and family stories. She is our “keeper of the family papers.” We have been trying to identify some family forebears in pictures lately and would have LOVED to have had labeled pictures.
Another thing you can do would be to have the pics loaded onto a DVD. Not sure how you could keep the labels with the proper pics, though, but maybe someone else has an idea about that.
Wishing you the best in deciding what to do with them. Sounds like a lovely, organized collection.
I have cats, and one of them is always spitting up a hairball or something. That’s how I discovered what to do with homelss socks. The final noble use for a sock is to wipe up the spit (or whatever) then throw it in the garbage! Many times it doesn’t take a whole sock, so I cut them in half or thirds. After a while I ran out of homelss socks. Then a friend spotted a spit-up the size of a half dollar and tore off about 6 paper towels to clean it up. Holy cow!!! Now I’ve started selecting old t-shirts and cutting in pieces to use instead of paper towels. This idea is kind of borrowed from Living on a Dime.
My parents recently passed away, and at first it was tough going through their collectibles, items they brought back from their many trips to Europe. Then the thought occurred to me that “it served its purpose”. Meaning, my mom bought that vase in Romania because it’s beautiful, and she liked to look at pretty things in her house. If my siblings and I don’t want the vase, it’s okay. It served its purpose of looking nice and making my mom smile. We don’t have a need (or desire) for the vase, so we can donate it without feeling guilty that we didn’t keep something that my mom liked. I love the idea of using the nice china regularly- I need to practice that!
I have some dish towels that were given to me at my wedding shower and some given to me by my great grandmother who has been gone a long time. I have recently cut the tattered dish towels and turned them into dishcloths. I had been contemplating buying new dishcloths because some of my older ones still work, but don’t seem to be as absorbent as they used to be. My “container” is full so instead of buying new dish cloths, I just trimmed the tattered dish towels. I enjoy using them more than the dishcloths I was contemplating replacing and my container isn’t getting any fuller. My “new dishcloths” are easier to ring out with one hand and are also more absorbent and I am using up what I have instead of buying more dishcloths to stuff in my container. I did have one that was way too tattered. I did let that one go (I think). I haven’t seen it in a while. By the way, I get way more done when I am listening to the podcast, videos or listening Dana K. White audiobooks. My house is still cluttered, but I the dishes are usually done and I let things go so much more easily. Sometimes I pick up stuff and start to put it down somewhere in a pile and I hear, “Where would I look for this?” and “Take it there now” and sometimes I decide that is too much hassle right now and chunk it into the trash. It has been a huge help. Thank you Dana.