I’ve written about how I had to get over the guilt of decluttering things that were given/handed-down to me.
I’ve accepted it as the givEE.
But what about as the givER? What about when it’s my daughter wanting to get rid of something I gave her?
My daughter loves-like-a-mommy all of her (many) dolls. When she decides she’s okay parting with one, it’s kind of a big deal. It doesn’t happen easily or often, and I know better than to cause any hesitation.
But what if it’s a doll that I gave her? That was mine? That I saved . . . for more than a quarter of a century with the sole purpose of passing it on to my daughter?
I’m sad that Carlina Emmy didn’t capture my daughter’s heart the way she did mine back in the 80s. Yes, my heart breaks a little to think of my hiney-stamped darling sitting on the shelves (or in the bins) of a thrift store somewhere.
But I don’t need her anymore. I used to have a purpose for keeping her, and that purpose was to pass her on to my own daughter someday.
I did.
And now my daughter is ready to get rid of her. Though I can think of some really good reasons to force this doll upon my daughter, I know (from personal experience) a lot more really good reasons to let her place Carlina in the Donate Spot.
It makes me sad, but I refuse to place Clutter-Guilt on my five year old.
P.S. I do feel the need to make it clear that my own mother is awesome about not placing Clutter Guilt upon my head. Somehow, I’ve managed to create my own “issues.”
Don’t get rid of it… save it for your grand-daughter… or for the daughter who realizes she wants something of her mother’s childhood.
Although I normally agree with most of your posts, I must say I disagree with you here. While your daughter may be finished with her doll for now, if you give it a few years and she grows up a little, she may very well also find a desire to pass down the doll to her own child as well. A single doll doesn’t take up too much space, and surely you can find something else to get rid of instead. I know my mom has a doll she played with as a child. When I was a child, I could care less about it. It was old, worn out, defintely not the newest and greatest toy. But now, 25 years later, I am happy to have the toy to hand down to my beautiful daughters. Some of my most valueable possessions are things from my great grandmother and grandmother. You might be making a choice for your daughter she will regret in a few years.
I agree. I think this is one item I would store for the next generation.
Oh wow that’s tough. Could you give it to someplace where you know it would be played with. Children hospital or daycare or something of that sort. Would that make your hart less broken?
I have been saving a playmobil house and stuff in two huge boxes for my own kid (which I don’t yet have). I must admit that I don’t know how I would react if the kid didn’t enjoy the house or if it happens that I will never even have children.
Do you have a niece or friend’s child that would enjoy her? I totally understand about the cabbage patch doll, it was hard for me to give mine away. In fact after 16 years of infertility, I need to go through my box of childhood memories and part with some of my old dolls.
As a young girl who loved dolls, I kept many of them for my future daughters. Surprise – I didn’t get any! I had two rough & tumble boys instead. 🙂 So those dolls got unpacked, and some went to friends who had girls, and most went to the goodwill. One was kept to help potty-train my son (the one who looked most boyish) and “he” was a Cabbage Patch baby. I’m keeping that one, and it will go on my son’s “baby treasures” box. 🙂
As for the other dolls, I agree with you – if she is ready to part with them, it’s better to let her do so. The ones she really loves can be saved for her kids to come, and they will probably mean more to her to pass on than any of your favorites, sad to say. 🙂 If you feel strongly about saving one or two to pass on, that’s fine; box them up, label them, and put them in the attic for a while. But if the space & her instinct to de-clutter are more important, that’s okay too! No one ever said you had to pass down everything you love – if that was the case, we’d all be living with grandma’s sofa.
Oy. 😉
That reminds me–I saved every single one of my 50+ Nancy Drew books. My daughter could care less. It is time to let them go. Unfortunately, they aren’t worth much. It seemed everyone saved them!
Oh my word, I would totally take those Nancy Drew books!!!
ME, TOO! I gave the ones I saved to my daughter last year as a gift. She likes them a lot, though I’m not sure as much as I did. I have already warned her that she has the choice of who to pass them to – her little sister, or her own children. She will not be donating them anywhere.
I have all of the Nancy Drew original hardbacks. They take up soooo much space. I have been debating on them because my daughter does not enjoy them the way I did.
We’re dealing with a similar issue & stuff MIL saved to pass on; stuff that is old & broken, with chipped paint & rust (stuff even goodwill wouldn’t take). BUT we are told with a long drawn out sigh ‘well I suppose if you just want to toss it you c o u l d but I’ve saved it for so long & it was your favorite when you -insert age-. At Christmas she actually said, well if you loved me you would keep it. I had to bite my cheek to keep my cool, just because I don’t want to take junk (husband is a different story) doesn’t mean we love you any less, we still rent so it involves finding a purpose for it & a place for it & then packing & unpacking it (I plan on moving this yr). When she comes to visit she purposely asks to see certain things (she knows I’ve tossed stuff before)
My family is a different story; my mom died last yr so there are some knickknacks I want, but they still have stuff from when I was a baby (I’m 41) expecting it is still safe to use for my kids; I’ve had to print out whatever guidelines to prove that it’s not safe & they kind of got the point when my cousin said she would use my crib & took it & threw it away. When they came to visit they were stunned (luckily they live out of state). My mom had a hope chest in the attic with a lot of my paperwork from grade school, my dad insisted I take it; when we opened the hope chest he realized most of the paper was falling apart or the ink was so faded you couldn’t read it….& don’t even get me started on the smoke smell.
Sorry so long, this is a sore spot right now
Sorry about the sore spot . . . but I laughed REALLY loudly at your MIL’s “If you loved me . . . “
I know, right?! how sick is that???
What a power monger! I had a friend like that when I was 14, it took years to figure it out.
You need a storage locker. I just tell my MIL that I don’t have space for it, so it’s in storage. I can’t get it out for you. She’s stopped asking to see stuff, and my DH is becoming more willing to part with her cast offs… Soon the storage closets (ours are in our basement, but she knows they are too crowded, I’m not going digging in there) will be so much less full…
you rock it. seems lke many disagree and i am a total saver (and my son has some bigger issues…and saves ripped cloth but that is my own blog post LOL.) In any event, my dad gave me a doll house. I have a boy..and unlike my brother who used it as a ‘dude ranch’ growing up, my son has no interest. So i did give it to my brother but if he would not have taken it i would have parted with it. my dad made it..w/ his own two hands from random pieces of wood.. 40 years ago.. no kit required. I loved it.. but someone else can now. I wonder if my niece is using it or if my brother gave it away. (he does that better than i do.) but it is gone now and I am good with that. My mom has oodles of stuff “saved for Grandchildren.” Look at it this way.. it could get eaten by bugs, ravaged by rats, or taken by a flood long before your grandkidsw ould see it. How wonderful you are blessing some little girl with it who will LOVE it. Why must we think we have to keep it “in the family?” (I have an a VERY hard time w/ parting with things and love your blog because i am similar. you are encouraging for us who are similar to you.)
ok one more quick comment. My folks gave me a crib for my son. they had wanted me to save it for my sister. I had loaned it to a friend and when she was done I told them to take it to a crisis pregancy place. My mom was glad w/ my decision when we discussed it a few weeks ago. it is hard to part w/ memories…
I saved one of my cabbage patch dolls for my daughter also. I love to get rid of things, but when she told me that I could give that doll away, I wanted to cry! Thank you! Now I can see the positive in it!
I would keep it, put it somewhere safe and save it until you have a grandbaby to give it to 🙂
I see most everyone has shared my same opinion I still want to say.. take it out of the donate box save it until she has reached middle school when she can relate and you can talk about all the stuff that you had as a child that now has become out on the shelves at stores again and she has grown to know and appreciate having things that were her moms as a child. She will really be glad to have something of yours you had as a child when she is a grown women.
But how do you know that her daughter would be glad to have something of her mom’s when she becomes a grown woman? Not tryingto be snarky. Just kind of hit a sore spot with me. I have an Aunt who saves everything. Her house was always neat but cluttered. I always get the guilt trip from her and others in my family who believe you must save everything!! I can’t and won’t do that. What was special to one person may not be special to another.
One thing that your post makes me think of is stuff takes up time, space and maintenance. Stuff has to be dusted or cleaned on a regular basis, etc.
To the OP, take a pic and send it on it’s way.
Would I be totally evil if I also told a recovering clutter-holic to keep it for your grandchildren???? I am not telling you to keep everything for “someday” when your grandchildren come over…..but something special like a hiney stamped honey….just seems to be something that should sit in a plastic storage bin for a decade or so…then be played with again. Right? Or am I just someone offering to buy an alcoholic a drink?!?
hahahahhahaahha! snort snort!
Maybe there should just be a specific number of things or size of bin with a label. Then limit yourself to just that much (you may have to do triage sometimes) and rest easy. Kids are a little whimsical in their preferences.
You are stronger than I. Hettie Georgina is in my cedar chest. (i did manage to part w/ my other 3 cabbage patches) I do agree with the others in considering saving for grandkids, but that means making sure to limit that to a 1 representative item, not several. I think you are just fine to declutter it.
It sounds to me like you have made a decision, and you are prepared to live with that decision. Good Girl!
Now, reading your post made my heart catch in my throat. I have no toys or baby clothes from my childhood. My mother was not a saver.
I on the other hand save EVERYTHING. And so now I’m trying to learn new habits (thanks, Nony, for all your inspiration!)
I have been able to pass on my daughters’ and sons’ baby clothes to 2 grandchildren now, but can’t pass on everything. I have toys my children have played with that my grandchildren now play with. But they can’t play with everything. Some of it has to go. And that’s ok.
I am taking your no-guilt advice to heart, even though it is PAINFUL.
If you were to ask me about your Cabbage Patch, I’d say if daughter is ready to let go, and you are ready to let go — take a generation picture — Mama, Daughter and BabyDoll all together and let her go.
Nony, Good for you!!! This is a tough one and you are doing the right thing. Clutter-guilt! Boy, oh, boy! How I hate it. Most of mine comes from my own over grown sense of nostalgia and sentiment, though I think that at least some of my grandparents helped me with it (can’t remember my parents being a problem with that).
Not long ago I was lamenting to my mom that she had let me give away all the ponchos my Gramma had made for me. You know what she said? Something like this, “Well, maybe so, but I didn’t want you to be selfish, so that’s why I let you.” I loved the little girl I gave them to all those years ago, and she loved ponchos at that time. And, after all, what would I do with them now? I don’t have any girl of my own. I’d end up handing them to a niece and maybe she wouldn’t enjoy them as much as that other little friend of mine did.
One thing I try to ask myself is, what different will it make in 5 years or in 50 years? I also want to remember that all these things are going to burn up in the day of the Lord and let that help me keep a better perspective: 2 Peter 3:10-11 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness…
Your reasons for allowing your daughter to get rid of that doll are good. Her ability to learn to let go of things is more important than your sentimental attachment to the doll; though, being the sentimental saver that I am, I can imagine your feelings and I sympathize with you. 🙂 Sometimes it just plain hurts to let go of something!
I suggest that whether or not you decide to keep it, it would be great to do up a page with a picture of the doll, recounting some of your memories of her. If you keep the doll, put the page with the doll for future generations. That way, they know the story behind the doll when they are considering whether or not to keep it. If you decide to get rid of it, then you at least have those memories documented.
That’s funny because we have those same dolls and my girls aren’t too interested either. It’s hard to throw out my husband’s old boy Cabbage Patch.
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Good for you. I know many people are saying save it but honestly if your 5 year old is willing to part with it already who’s to say a granddaughter won’t feel the same way. My in laws had saved things from my husband’s and his brother’s childhood and I can’t say we’ve taken anything besides the legos which were my husbands. And, to be honest the legos have been an ongoing control of chaos since we pulled them out when my oldest was 4 or 5. It’s really way more legos than we need in our house added to the fact that legos are a popular gift item so the boys always get new ones for their birthday or Christmas.
I didn’t take the time to read through all the other comments, so I may be repeating something. When we were having a yard sale to raise money for my daughters dance team, I had some CP Kids that made it to the sale. One of the other moms asked if I had any more to part with. At the time, I had not uncovered any. She asked because she uses them (and other dolls) in her classroom as a teacher. I don’t recall exactly what she teaches, but I think it was something with special needs/early education. Maybe you can check into your local schools and see if they need any donations like that. I do agree with the theme of your post. It made me feel a lot better about letting my kids grow up. Just because they don’t want “stuff” that I gave them, doesn’t mean they don’t love me. My 4 year old daughter loves dolls and dress up. My 13 year old never really got into that. My dolls are now getting the joy of new life and when Madison is done, they can find a new home. 🙂
That’s a great idea, Rhonda!
I’m with the “ditch it” brigade but maybe it’s because I never saw the appeal of cabbage patch dolls. Fashions come and go in toys, they were a “must-have” item once but now the market has moved on.
We can see from the comments that clutter isn’t simply down to our being unable to part with things, it also has to do with controlling relatives and not wishing to give offence.
Incidentally, I think we have to steel ourselves against the suggestion to keep something because it’s only one item which won’t take up much room; that could be the thin end of the wedge and you could end up with a house as full as when you started.
i really like the idea of hsmominmo to take a picture of you and your daughter with the doll.
Don’t know if this has been said, but put the doll away for a couple of years. Girls play with dolls for years. She may like her again in a few years.
I have one of the first CP dolls, that my Momma bought me back when they were almost impossible to find. It is in the top of a closet, has never been removed from the original box. I am 61 years old, and my precious Momma has been gone now for 9 years. I am so glad I kept that doll and will never part with it. I have a granddaughter, and I plan for her to have it. Some things are hard to part with!
Sigh! I read your post and most of the comments and immediately looked up at my dolls sitting on a shelf. I still have my pound puppy “Welshy”, my Popple, a couple of homemade dolls, a bunny with a music box inside it, two Care Bears, Raggedy Ann, and several others that I just haven’t wanted to part with. *sigh* Yes, their dusty. I guess that is something I need to think about. I would never guilt my children into keeping them. They all have their favorite dolls that they will probably keep into adulthood. I suppose I need to decide what I will do with mine someday. I know I know… I’m procrastinating. 🙂 I’m just not ready to part with them yet. Not even giving them to my children. Sad isn’t it? Maybe after I get rid of all the clothes on my floor and all the junk on my nightstand… Then maybe.
I have saved my Barbies from childhood because I loved them. My Grandma and Mom made a whole wardrobe for my various Barbies. Since I don’t have daughters there’s really no one to pass them on to that would care. Still I hang on to them because many hours of my childhood memories are tied up in them. I have found it easy to get rid of other things especially since last May. Our house was damaged by a tornado. We had to pack up everything that survived and move out so the house could be repaired. I was amazed by the things I had packed away for sentimental reasons. Some things I couldn’t remember! Packing up my house really helped me to realize what was important and what wasn’t. The Barbies stay for now, but most everything else around my house has a use. 😉
Ooooh, the Cabbage Patch one. Actually not my favorite, but I still couldn’t toss her into a donate box. Luckily my Aunt wanted a doll that scale, and not being sure that she still has it is just a minor itch. (I’m a little horrified at some of the other stuff I passed along that she might have kept without retaining an interest in it.)
I’m glad that some of my toys are still around for my own sake. Descendants can get junky half-ruined toys from the thrift stores. And some of the lower-class antique marts are great for touching copies of stuff that I don’t have any more.
This post made me really nostalgic for a doll my sister and I used to have that was about the same size. Sorry, I know that’s not relevant to you.
Oh my goodness, I’d have a hard time letting it go too, Nony! I still have my Cry Baby bear, from when I was 10 months old. Yes, she is falling apart, but I’d never willingly give her up. On the other hand, my youngest daughter, when she was 18, asked for her “Dabbit”. We went through everything we had,( her dad and I are divorced). Couldn’t find it. She is still upset about not finding it, 7 years later. In case you are wondering, a Dabbit is her stuffed toy that my Dad and I spent many minutes arguing over, as to whether it was a dog, or a rabbit, thus “Dabbit”. Sure wish I could find one on Ebay. Believe me, I’ve looked.
I can’t even like this on Facebook because it would hurt some family members too much..but good for you for not passing on clutter guilt! There are still way too many things I keep out of guilt..but I let my daughter get rid of whatever she wants to when she wants.
I do still have my grandmother’s sofa (reupholstered). I also have my first doll ( a Sweet Sue) given to me by my godfather and my last Christmas doll (Effanbee Coed doll). My “hoarding” problem is books. In every room. But you know what? I love my books. I still am sorry that I gave my young cousin a little music box, with a dancing ballerina under a dome (it played “Dance Ballerina, Dance”) when I babysat for her and she was fascinated by it. It had been a gift from my mother. I had five children, all grown now. Have six grandchildren, one great-granddaughter and another on the way. I never thought of giving my kids or grandkids my old dolls. They all have their own “wants”, whether it was Barbie or Monster high or Baby Alive. One of mine would just be tossed aside. My grandson, who still lives with us and who is 11 now, was so enthralled with veggie tales (he LOVED Bob). I still have his singing Larry the cucumber and his Bob the tomato. Even though they no longer sing. Everyone now has all the new technology and sometimes devote entire rooms for it. I love my stuff. Anyway, I don’t have any guilt feelings about being surrounded by my personal stuff. It really wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else anyway. One thing that pops in my head….I saw a tv show once of a wealthy woman showing thing in her house that had been handed down in her family. There was a comment made…”the wealthy really don’t have to buy much. They inherit it.” I know that doesn’t really pertain to stuff like I have, but I always found that an interesting statement, considering the throw-away thing we buy now. Anyway, I didn’t think I’d write this much. Had my say “thoughts” on subject.
i am facing this now. But my girls are thirty year olds.
I do believe that these decisions aren’t made correctly until children are in mature headspace.
Example: my sister in law died and get two adult but single daughters packed up her things. One kept some of the dresses and toys and books. The offer wanted to keep mine. Forward,and not that fast, to starting a family and the “I don’t want to keep things” one asks the other if her little girl can use the stored things. Yes, because they were stored at her house but the maternal kicked in and she saw their value.
Be selective but don’t make major decisions on the input if a five year old.
Time for my girls to keep their Cabbage Patch Kids themselves although they may stay at G’mas for their kids to play with.
I rescued my granddoll when my daughter was 8 and was decluttering her own room… I rescued Barney from my son’s clean sweep. I know, I know, it’s as if I think there will be a museum dedicated to my family some day. Ha. But I let the Barbies go!
I have found that young people today just do not attach to as much anymore as children or teens. I think it may be the result of having so much at their disposal from early in life, I look at what kids are given and what they demand they must have and soon none of it is precious. My son who is 28 said it doesn’t make sense to expect your kids to want your (old) stuff, they just want their own stuff, and they like new stuff at home. I had regretted getting rid of my huge Barbie collection from my childhood (I let it go long before I even had kids, both boys) as my niece’s 6 year old daughter loves Barbie and I bemoaned the choice when I learned this. Now, I think of keeping the Barbie stuff for what would have been 30-40 years, for a kid I didn’t even know was coming and am sure I made a sensible choice. She is making her own collection with my help on birthdays and Christmas. 🙂
And I would guess that you love the opportunity to shop for more Barbie stuff!
It is quite awesome. 🙂
I have ONE tote of my own childhood treasures. I keep it without guilt, because it’s one. I kept these items for my future daughter, but had sons (luck of the draw). I gave some items to my niece, and have no idea their fate. But my most dear of items I have packed safely away. When I feel nostalgic I bring it out. I hug the rag doll my mom made, I change the clothes on my favourite Barbie, I brush my little pony’s hair and put them back again.
Shouldn’t she be able to have her own beloved doll to decide with? If your old doll doesn’t mean anything to her now, it’s not likely to later except as a token and could end up just being second hand clutter down the road anyway. : (
Did you read the post?