I’ve always heard that people who lose a limb can still experience pain in it. Phantom pains. The memory/feeling is so real that they have to tell themselves that the limb really isn’t there anymore.
As I declutter, I do tons of self-talk. I follow my two decluttering questions. I rationalize that I simply must get rid of an item because I haven’t used it in X amount of months, years . . . or decades. I assure myself that if I did need it I’d never remember that I had it or where it was.
But sometimes I’m wrong.
Sometimes I experience phantom clutter pains.
It’s times when out-of-the-ordinary things are going on. Like the princess party for my daughter last weekend. I put together a fancy table (translated: real tablecloth, crystal rose-filled vases, paper princess plates and plastic forks).
And I served apple juice. I couldn’t go too fancy because my daughter is a juice/milk/water drinker only. By her own choice. No lemonade and definitely nothing fizzy. But I didn’t want to do juice packs because of the whole this-is-a-girl-party-for-once-and-we’re-not-sitting-on-the-floor-this-time thing.
While driving down the road, with my brain in full-on-party-mode, I thought, “Oh, I’ll use my pretty glass pitchers for the apple-juice!” Problem solved!
And then I thought, “Ummmm, did I declutter those?”
“Or not?”
Sure enough, they weren’t to be found. (Which isn’t 100% proof that they’re not somewhere around.)
It’s moments like these that threaten future decluttering sessions. They make me question my decisions and try to think of every possible reason why I might need to keep an almost-totally-unnecessary item.
And the reverse example also gets me. Like today, when I started pulling out warm-weather clothes, and ran across the denim overalls that my boys wore. The overalls are size 6-9 months, and my boys are now 7 and 9 (years). Twice a year for at least six years, I’ve debated over those overalls. I’ve always decided that I couldn’t bear to part with them. Even though I never remember that we have them until I’m changing over the kids’ clothes and they make me smile.
But this year, I saw them and realized that they were perfect for Big Baby. Remember the baby that I almost didn’t find before Christmas? The baby turned out to be a boy even though he was very definitely dressed in pink when she opened him up. The overalls? Just his size, and ever so much more manly!
See? There was a reason to keep them boxed up for the last six years!
Here’s the thing. I’m glad I ran across those overalls. I’m extra-glad that they are now being used and enjoyed. I’m okay with the fact that I kept them all this time.
They were one little thing, not taking up much space in a spot already designated for out-of-season or waiting-to-be-passed-down clothes.
I could probably even justify having kept the glass pitcherS (yes, I meant to emphasize the plural-ness), but I was fine without them too.
I’m going to make a mistake or two (or sixty) in this deslobification process. I have likely thrown away something that I will one day greatly regret. I’ve probably kept something that will baffle my adult children when they clean out my house after I’m dead.
But the fact that so much truly un-necessary stuff is gone, makes those mistakes worth it to me.
I totallly understand about being sorry about something you got rid of. In one of my fits of decluttering I got rid of a coin purse and full sized purse I wish I could have back. They were the first two things I bought from my first job, when I was 16. They were things I would never have asked my parents to buy me. I realize there was a reason I got rid of them (the coin purse was an ugly green and the purse's zipper pull was gone) and I have to remind myself of that when I start obsessing (I've gone as far as to look for similar ones on ebay.) Overall, I know I am better off getting rid of too much than keeping it all.
we have to remember as in the previous poster..that the memory is usually better than the object itself..
as for the pitchers..i've done that…as i declutter i need to remember that i could likely get another at a thrift store if i need one, or borrow…or simply make do without…
in my case i pitched a plastic jug (one of 3) and kept one nice , but not NICEST glass jug that i can use for orange juice or fancier things.
there will be regrets..and have been in my case! but the good outweighs the bad..i guess we just make due…
ps: can't get it to post under google acct weird
celina in canada
I have definitely had that post-decluttering regret. It's what keeps me from getting rid of stuff…a lot. But what I actually clicked over to say was that there's something a little bit creepy about baby dolls and then to have the word "phantom" in your title? Yeah. I'm a little creeped out. 🙂
Dude, this is weird. Yesterday, the magic donation truck came and picked up seven trash bags and eight boxes of stuff. Today, the four-year-old randomly asked for an item out of that haul…the dining-room booster seat she herself announced she was too old for months ago and hasn't laid eyes on since. I still don't have any clue *why* she suddenly wanted it back, but I seriously considered putting her meal back in the fridge right then and running down to the thrift store to buy it back. I was just thinking now "Ah, this is why I don't do this getting-rid-of-stuff thing more often, even though it's soooo satisfying to see it all stacked up neatly on the lawn in the morning and gone, replaced by the neat, tiny receipt in the afternoon." It's nice to be reminded that, even if there are a few mistakes, getting rid of the rest (especially when it's 15 bags/boxes—yikes!) is so worth it.
Oh, I can totally relate to this one too. I get so darn mad at myself when I had the perfect item, but I decided to purge one weekend and now some lucky person who shopped at Goodwill is enjoying my treasure. You're last statement is another fear of slobs. Do you have a list of 1 or 2 people only who are allowed to clean your house when you pass? I do and they all know to clean out my "drawer" before some of my secrets are bare to the world and I'm not alive to explain them. Regan
Oh Anna, isn't it amazing how they'll choose the day after you throw something out to remember it?
And Mary . . . I'm so sorry for creeping you out. Actually, I'm not. It made me laugh.
Wow, I can totally relate! That's happened to me more than once, and my first thought was definitely "See, this is why I don't get rid of stuff!"
BUT the last time it happened, I wondered, "If I hadn't just recently decluttered that thing, would I have even remembered I had it when the occasion came up to use it?" It was kind of like a twist on your 2nd decluttering question, and my answer was "Probably not."
Honestly, even though I know I've probably regretted decluttering various items at least 1/2 a dozen times, right now I couldn't tell you what any of those things were, and I know I didn't repurchase any of them so I definitely made do without them!
Overall, I am a little more careful now about what I declutter, especially if it's something that has a designated spot (like your baby overalls) that's out of sight and organized, but I also don't stress if I throw something out and later think of a way I could have used it. It took a while to get there though!
This reminds me of the coffee cup drama at my house a couple years ago. My kitchen cupboards were starting to fight back and things were falling out at me. I finally decided to get rid of all the random coffee cups that hadn’t been used in over 5 years. We do not drink coffee in my house, don’t even own a coffee maker so why have a ton of mismatched coffee cups. Well about a year after I got rid of them all my hubby suddenly wanted Hot cocoa and HAD to have it in a coffee cup. He was not happy that I had gotten rid of them all. Something you want to use once every 10 years does not justify keeping a ton of the item in my way the remainder of that time. Get over it dude! LOL
I have watched some people do massive purges then re buy then do massive purges. For me I wait until I really am ready to let go for good. It does mean it is a slower process. But I make progress. That said I have had regret but really it is very little. I made a budgeting choice that helped with this no buying anything the first time I see it at the very least sleep on it. But with bigger things shop around for price or similar item read up on reviews see if it still has an appeal when I am not in front of it. How often would I use it is it really a benefit over the alternative, and if I am really on my game where am I going to put it. The next day rule rules out yard sales but I noticed something most of what I was purging came from a yard sale. My clearing out and letting go can be slow I combat that with not bringing so much into the house in the first place. It is important to realize just because you went through and purged doesn’t mean you’re done. My slob vision eyes take time to adjust to new levels of clean or del uttered other times I have to get rid of a type of item in stages. Like I know I don’t need twenty towels but how many do I need 10 or 2. I need this much clothing and I know the rule is most people use 20% of there clothes 80% of the time. I got rid of the obvious stuff first but then every time I did laundry for the next two months. I would take a good look at what I had not worn and think why did I not where that am I going to wear that and try to make room to put the clothes I did wear away. Until I felt I wore 80% of my clothes 80% of the time and 20% of my clothes 20% of the time or closer taking into account seasonal needs. It may only freeze two weeks out of the year but they are kind of in big clumps. Two pair winter socks isn’t enough.
I’m so glad you wrote this post! Gradually I have begun to understand that it is worth getting rid of many, many things that I/we will never miss, and taking the risk that there might be one or two things that I might have used at some point in the future. Get over it, Future Me/Us! 🙂
I also agree with the first comment about the memory being in better condition than the actual item that was purged. I have an old leather wallet that I thought was too cool to get rid of, so I used it. All the coins kept falling out of the coin pocket, and it’s much older and more tired looking than I remembered. I think I can let it go now…
There are things I regret getting rid of, even decades later. But I have to remind myself that if I’d kept them, I probably still wouldn’t know where to find them! In the end, they’re just things. Baby steps…