If you’re a high-end collectibles dealer who buys and sells with skill, I’m not talking to you here. I’m talking to those of us with collections of stuff that give off a vague aura of value.
Our family has recently been living the experience every family goes through, but no one looks forward to.
We’ve been cleaning out my husband’s parents’ home. My mother-in-law moved into an assisted living facility and my father-in-law passed away in August.
Suddenly, all the years of talking, worrying, and wondering about how we’d get rid of almost-fifty years’ worth of stuff ended, and we had to actually get rid of it all.
Let me be clear that their home was never cluttered, dishes were always done (without ever using a dishwasher) and laundry was never piled on a recliner. I greatly admire my mother-in-law’s ability to keep her home neat and ready for drop-in visitors (who truly did drop in every single day) even when she worked full time.
Total side note: This makes it even more amazing that my husband is so kind about my issues.
So the thoughts that ran through my head as we held their Estate Sale apply in every home, not just for those of us who struggle with excess.
The more stuff there is to get rid of, the less money individual items will bring.
Even if items, on their own, are technically valuable.
My husband’s father was an amazing welder. He had a building fully equipped with everything he needed to fix anything but a broken heart. (<-his joke)
He earned the praise and devotion of anyone who used his services, and valued every valve, torch, and centimeter of solder in that building. He loved talking about how much it all was worth, but wouldn’t let us help him sell any of it.
In the heat of last summer, while my father-in-law was in rehab for a broken hip and we knew a move was inevitable, we dug through the building and asked questions of any of his former colleagues who could stop by to help us. We simply did not have the expertise to assess the value of the welding equipment.
Out of necessity, conversation turned from “someone would pay good money for that” to “how do we find someone who wants this.”
Little by little, a few things left. But a few weekends ago, it was time for it all to go. ALL of it.
I was reminded that an item sold alongside thousands of other items in a limited time isn’t worth what a similar item sold individually in an ideal situation is worth.
Anything you sell is only worth what you can actually get for it in your actual situation.
If you have one thing to sell and an unlimited amount of time in which to sell it, you can work and work until you find the very best way to connect with the very best customer and get the very best price.
But a deadline (like the house going on the market or the only weekend the helpers can devote to an estate sale) changes that. You can only do so much in a limited amount of time.
Every item added to the SELL pile causes math to happen.
The ideal situation gets divided. Chopped up into pieces. Stretched too thin.
And the focus is, out of necessity, getting stuff out. Because at that point, it’s either let someone pay me something to carry it away, carry it away myself, or pay someone to carry it away.
Honestly, it was a hard and exhausting wave to ride at the sale. We constantly alternated between wanting to get the most we could for my mother-in-law and being hit over the head with the sheer volume of stuff that needed to go.
So how does this affect my home?
- I need to get the value out of my stuff now. One of my best decluttering strategies is to use things. If something is great, I might as well experience that greatness. If I use it so much that it’s all used up, that’s perfect.
- If something I don’t need is worth enough money to motivate me to sell it, I need to sell it. Now. While it’s the only thing I have to sell.
- Keep donating. There’s nothing like post-garage-sale-exhaustion to remind me that donating is the way to go.
In related news, here’s what I wrote in an Instagram post after watching my super-strong husband and four other grown men grunt and groan and rig up levers and ropes to get a humongous welding machine into a truck:
“The more a treasure weighs, the more likely it will be considered clutter by the next generation. Hassle is a legitimate factor. And muscle. And sweat. And size of available truck.”
Have you heard? I’ve teamed up with Cas from Clutterbug and Dawn from The Minimal Mom to bring you the course: Take Your House Back! Go check it out!
P.S. If you’re on Instagram but aren’t following me there, you should be. It’s a lot of fun. Go follow me. I’m @aslobcomesclean.
P.P.S. If you’re stuck on the idea of value or the process of decluttering, you need my book: Decluttering at the Speed of Life.
God Bless you and your family. Thanks for the reminder and perspective. Good suggestion to check with colleagues in the industry to provide guidance on values and how to sell, transfer or dispose.
I am a former Estate Sale company owner. I can tell you that your math is 100% correct! You learned with one sale what it takes some companies a few months or so (of not selling much) to figure out.
And yes, weight matters! Several sleeper sofas in excellent condition come to mind, especially if they have to come UP a flight of stairs!
After handling literally EVERY SINGLE ITEM my customers owned, I have changed how I look at my own posessions. Even though I struggle greatly with clutter, mostly because I am always in the middle of too many “projects,” (temporary clutter) I don’t permanently keep half of what I did before.
I look at every single thing as something my kids will have to deal with in a couple of decades if I “store it.” More often than not, this thought makes me realize it should be “stored” at the thrift shop!
Now if I can only get my day to day clutter under control! It’s a whole different story, but you have helped me on the path.
Dear Dana,
There is so much wisdom in your post! Thank you for the perspective.
Best,
Eugenia
I discovered your blog today. Hallelujah! So glad to see this post, as I recently figured selling stuff an item at a time was more effective than a yard sale.
Yesterday, I discovered your Decluttering book. “Container”. Light bulb💡! Who’d‘ve thunk! All the other decluttering and organizing books can go out the door. They’re useless to me now. Visibility is a good method, but I’m doing the Office first. I know me, if I clean the dining room first, all the stuff in the Office will end up in there. I decluttered my yarns today. I didn’t have all that much, but … “Container”. Tomorrow, the Search for the Lost Carpet!
I am so thankful for your insight! No more Overwhelm.
Awesome post. Got me thinking about what I don’t want to leave for later generations to have to deal with.
On a slightly related note, you mentioned you enjoy podcasts. I liked your category of ‘procrasticlutter’ as it is something I struggle with too. I thought you might enjoy the iprocrastinate podcast. It’s a psychologist podcast about procrastination and organisation. I thought you might enjoy it because you are a brainy-type and the person who runs it is good at going into the nitty gritty of research without using too many field specific terms. Your podcast is my house cleaning podcast and that one is for when I need to motivate myself to do homeowork. https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/iprocrastinate-podcast/id129144284?mt=2
This was a great post and I really enjoyed reading it! There were so many great tips, keep it up!
My dad just died in Feb. I dread the day that my mother passes on because that house is full of crap. Piles of it, boxes of it. I will order a large, industrial dumpster, or two. We moved last Aug and much went to the trash man and to charity. We lived here for almost a month with only beds and the dining room table with chairs, until everything was delivered. We spent much more time together. Everything was easier to clean. I’m missing it.
You’re absolutely right, the more you have the less it’s all worth. #truth
My parents downsized to move into a retirement community mobile home park. The first thing they did was chose the items needed for their move…then they opened up the house to all of us kids…combined there are 8 of us. They asked us to chose items that we wanted. Next step: they filled 2 very large dumpsters with unwanted items old sofas pool table, woodworking things..everything not suited for a small mobile home … lots of stuff that was still good. I told them to sell stuff to a secondhand store. Stepdad said he did not want his stuff period!
Best thing they did…although hard on them…Senior Park living suited them in the end.
It was not hard to clear out his items a few years later and then my mom’s items within 2 yrs.
Grateful for their forethought. But I don’t know if I’m can be as thrifty!
I started decluttering after my father passed away. I started with the totally useless papers he had kept in a back room for YEARS. Then tried to make sense of the items that ‘”could” be valuable. I ran out of time. My sisters wanted the house, to rent out. I walked away and left them the task. I regret it now, because there were things that should have been kept. I am now decluttering my home, because I do not want to put my daughters through the agony of it all.
You are so right about value! If the dust mites are eating it, it is worthless! At least if you sell, you are getting bonuses in someone else being able to use it and getting true worthiness.
I can relate very intimately with your post – we’re doing an estate sale for my aunt this weekend (she moved to a retirement home in November) – It’s a lot of stuff, and I know she’s hoping for a lot of money – but it likely will not be what she wants!!
My dad often gives me “stuff” saying “ you could sell this it’s worth a lot to someone “ to me it’s not I’ve given away so much either to charity shops or on free cycle even an antique radio but it needed a new valve I knew I’d never get round to it and my time and space not to mention the stress of having to deal with it all is worth more, also I feel good when someone else benefits and that’s worth a lot to me. I now do charity shop runs regularly whenever my donate bag is full, it makes life so much better x
Thank you for talking about this topic! Since February my husband and I have been helping my mother-in-law do this same thing. It has been difficult for her and us and that difficulty has inspired me to make changes in my home too. It is wonderful to hear we are not alone in this and to hear you say so many of things we have had to say like, “something is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it”. I plan to share this post with my mother-in-law when we see her this coming weekend. Thanks again!
We sold most of my inlaws’ possessions this past summer in an estate sale and what you say is 100% true. Clearing out the remainder was exhausting, physically and mentally. Over the years, I’ve realized that less is more, and the sale just reinforced my beliefs.
I lost both my parents a couple of years ago…just 6 months apart. 🙁
I kept several nostalgic things (dining room table at which we all sat during Thanksgiving and other holidays, a wall clock from their wedding, my mom’s chair and stool, and a few other things.)
The ‘clutter’ that I kept were craft supplies. I arranged a room at my house and found a place for everything. Some things were overflowing, so I made gifts to the granddaughters with Mom’s sewing supplies.
the nice thing about this stuff is that as we do crafts, those supplies will gradually disappear.
And then I have her genealogy and home-town history photos and information.
I bought a large fire-proof safe to keep the originals in.
I think a good rule of thumb is to find something special that each of your children can have after you pass away. Choose those extra specials, and keep your ear out for what your kids think are special to them. Then, feel free to pass the rest on to others.
I too have experienced cleaning out a parent’s home and going through the trial of do I sell, give away or keep items. I pulled out items that I knew had value and went through the process of trying to find antique buyers willing to buy them. While I did have some success in the long run it was more work than the profit gained. I did have a lengthy yard sale and again a lot of work. A used goods store owner offered me a lump sum for most of the things left over from the yard sale and I took the offer. Finally I donated boxes of things leftover and the rest was hauled off to landfill. Looking back on the experience I am fortunate I had some time to do this process. I did make a small profit but you will never receive what you feel the items are worth because you are never rewarded for emotion. All the goods had emotional strings and two years later I still have some things stored in the shed that I now am ready to let go of. It is a process that takes time and will have emotional steps to go through. Best news is time will take care of it so be patient with yourself.
My mom kept telling me that when she passed, I should sell her good china to help with the funeral expenses. She passed and I couldn’t sell the items. No one wants pretty dishes that can easily break and can’t be washed in a dishwasher. At the time my mom collected all the pieces she saved a little every paycheck until she could buy the next part of the set. To her they were very valuable. And they were back in 1950-60, but not in 2020.
This may be known, but can people have an estate sale while still living? Also any tips on having one? Thanks.
I wondered about this when looking at my grandmother’s antique doll collection. She took great pains to refurbish some dolls even 100 years old. She made them new dresses and refinished their hair.
She has serious collection of Cabbage Patch Dolls that when sold individually bring over a hundred dollars.
All of these dolls bring her joy, have special names and invaluable to her really… she won’t sell them while living which is fine. The whole point of the collection is to bring her joy.
However my mom and aunt only see all this as tacky junk. Selling them individually and over time would never appeal to them, and really it would take a long time to sell the whole lot for even what it’s close to worth while the economy isn’t so great…
I live far away now with small children, there’s no way I’d have the time or space to dedicate to that and then divide up the result with the family in some way that’s fair if they did fetch a decent price.
On the flip side, almost all of my household shopping starts in thrift stores and I enjoy the older styled items myself so I appreciate that people donate these things out of necessity. I certainly don’t have time to hunt out estate sales!
As a widow and a mother of 9, my house has accumulated a great deal of unnecessary items.
At my recent birthday I decided that this year I’m focusing on STUFF. Anything that I’m unsure about donating because of it’s sentimental value I am offering to my kids (WhatsApp is handy for this). If someone wants it, I will try to send it or bring it to them. I should let you know the results of my project in a year’s time.
How did it go?
You posted this one year ago today. What is your outcome? Hope you experienced success!
Thanks for asking! I’ve been able to discard (thrift shop, recycling, trash) more than in the past, as well as offering my kids things that might interest them. Of course, there’s always stuff that belongs to one or another that they have stored here. Since none of them live near me, I try to bring things when I visit or label the item in my house so there’s no questions about ownership.
I have succeeded in remaking the primary bedroom from ours to mine, which was both a physical overhaul and an emotional one.
Overall I would say I have made slow progress but lasting progress. And I am continuing this project.
I am so proud of you! Tears came to my eyes as I read about your progress. One step at a time makes a difference. And I hope the transformation of your bedroom is a place of peace and relaxation. Blessings to you!
I know this is an old post but I’m just finding it now, within the space of 9 months I had to clear out 3 family members homes. 2 of them died and one went into a care home.
A huge amount of stuff came into my home. At one point it was literally climb over things to get through all the rooms, even my bed became a nest as there was stuff piled up around me on the bed. Slowly I have managed to let go (of some of it) a lot has been taken up to the loft until I can deal with it.
Some is financially valuable, which would be really helpful to me right now, but it would be quicker and easier just to donate it.
The sentimental things are the hardest
I love your father-in-law’s joke about fixing everything but a broken heart.
I also love that you told it here so all of us could laugh at it and get a small sense of the man he was. It seems like a fond memory of an oft-repeated joke that made you laugh the first time you heard it and roll your eyes every time thereafter. I love those jokes and those memories.
I was the primary person to go through my parents’ home after my mom passed away in 2018. Thankfully, Mom had done a lot of purging after Dad died in 2016 so the job was made much easier. I had some help from my sister-in-law along the way, and one of my brothers finished the clean out, taking care of some items in the basement. I sure wish I could have completed the task myself because I am very meticulous, but I did not live locally. It was amazing how clean the house was even though in her last months Mom said it was difficult for her to do the housework as well as she would have liked.
On another note, I cannot allow my thoughts to dwell on the eventual passing of my husband’s parents as they have three properties with stuff stored in all the homes and buildings on those properties. I think it will fall on my husband and me to clear out these places when the time comes even though we live far from them. My greatest fear is that my husband will want to bring a bunch of their belongings to our home, and we simply do not have room for them. Part of me wants to die before they do so I won’t have to deal with it. I am still working on going through our stuff so as not to burden our daughter when we pass on.
Thank you for allowing me to rant.
This is so true. My husband’s grandmother had a huge store of Coca-Cola themed items, mostly reproductions. Everyone gave her these items for Christmas, her birthday, and Mother’s Day since they didn’t know what to give her. She talked about how much money we would get for them after she was gone. My husband was in charge of selling them and distributing the money to his sister, brother, and cousin. We got hardly anything for them except for one piece that was original. The younger generations don’t collect items like former generations do. Get items out of your house as soon as you can, and give your older relatives the gift of a visit, treats that are consumable, etc.
this is so painfully, painfully true, and until someone has to empty a house on a deadline, I don’t think they truly appreciate the fact. My father died in 2003 leaving six garages and a basement of STUFF, and my sister and I had a massive auction in 2011 and moved my mom to a new home and greatly reduced everything she owned, collectables, kitchen items, clothing, decorations, memorabilia, paper records, etc. When my mother died in 2022, it was still a massive undertaking to do an estate sale and empty the house, at that point, you just hope to break even and earn enough to pay the people hosting the estate sale and who haul everything away. All my mother’s (and grandmother’s) collectables and antiques that my sister and I were unable to take (and we took a lot), and we were still scrambling to drum up people to come to the sale and to take things for free. Truly, I see the need to get rid of things myself as I’m in my early 50s, but it’s painful to realize these things that I strived for, that I pined for, that I sacrificed other experiences in order to bring these things into my home, now I have to basically throw these things away. So, So difficult to do.