I sometimes casually mention that my family now lives a Lifestyle of Decluttering. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean we live a Clutter Free Life. (I so wish.)
Once upon a time, I automatically kept everything. Unless an item was shattered into a million tiny pieces that couldn’t possibly be put back together, my default reaction was to keep it.
Getting rid of something/anything was a big and always-daunting decision.
Keeping something/anything was automatic.
I will always struggle with clutter. I will continually find myself surprised by piles. But the intensity of the struggle is less and the moments of surprise are fewer than they used to be.
I now live a Lifestyle of Decluttering. After decluttering more stuff than any woman should ever have to declutter, I see things in my house differently than I once did.
Seeing things differently means I identify clutter in normal, everyday moments. Decluttering Experience has given me the tools and willingness to go ahead and get rid of clutter right in those everyday moments.
Here’s one big difference: I recognize certain gut reactions as signals that I need to at least consider getting rid of something.
If I hesitate, either in using an item or in putting it away, I need to ask myself if there’s any reason to keep it.
Like this cup:
I’m not even sure where this coffee cup came from, but when I pulled it out of the cabinet last week, I glanced inside and hesitated.
See that teeny-tiny flaw? See the bubble in the bottom? I won’t pretend to know anything about the artistry of coffee-cup-making, but I do know that the teeny-tiny spot wasn’t sealed. And the fact that it isn’t sealed kindof freaks me out. A biology-professor-friend recently “kindly” shared this bit o’ info with me: Cracks in the sealant on dishes allow bacteria to grow.
Or something like that. I was officially freaked out.
So I didn’t use it.
I hesitated.
That physical feeling of hesitation flipped a switch in my head and made me realize that if I didn’t want to use the cup that day (because of a flaw that wasn’t going to magically go away if the cup sat in the cabinet for another week or month or year), I would probably hesitate every single time I pulled that cup out of the cabinet from now until forever.
If I’m never going to use it, I shouldn’t keep it.
So I threw the cup in the trash. If, correct in my mind or not, a health reason is the reason I don’t want to personally drink my own coffee from this cup, I shouldn’t stick it in the Donate Box for someone else to need to hesitate in using it either.
That is a Lifestyle of Decluttering. Recognizing pauses of hesitation as what they are: a clear and obvious reason that I shouldn’t keep something.
And then, acting immediately on that recognition. Taking that coffee cup to the Donate Box or the trashcan immediately, instead of putting it back in the cabinet, slumping my shoulders and bemoaning the fact that I “need to declutter that blankety-blank cabinet one of these days.”
What physical feelings have you learned to interpret as reasons to declutter?
--Nony
Jenny says
Shallow breathing and stiff neck, in the attempt to cut off my peripheral vision. Because, piles over there.
Kathryn says
I’m still new to the decluttering lifestyle, so if my head feels like it’s going to explode, the item moves out of my home. The other cue is when my husband screeches and has no idea what the item is or where it’s stored, the item can usually be removed.
Mary Stephens says
I get irritated and tense when the house is “out of control” – at least beyond what I can tolerate. Sometimes this means staying up while my husband goes to bed in order to tame the kitchen into something that won’t be distressing first thing in the morning. He’s learned to just let me go at it, and I try not to over do the “privilege”. haha.
Lydia purple says
I think almost any negative feeling towards an object causes me to throw it out or to look into replacing it with a version I will enjoy. I did some major decluttering over the last two years and my focus was on keeping only things we really love, enjoy, things that inspire us. I want my house to filled (not really… Maybe better to say equipped) with only things that have a good positive vibe. Kitchen utensils I love, clothes I love, art materials that inspire, books I enjoy and will re-read, music we actually listen to… All the excess stuff that just used to get shoved around because maybe one day one could use it or sell it or whatever is now going out when I come across it. If I pick up a thing and feel annoyed, anxious, guilty whatever… I now get rid of it (unless it’s a “treasure” of my husband or kids) I don’t want to be held captive anymore by stuff giving me negative feelings…
Jan says
Sick to my stomach, despairing over the thousands and thousands of dollars I’ve wasted over the years trying to be good enough, sophisticated enough through possessions. Anxiety over no room to put things, overwhelm at the the cleaning that doesn’t really get done. I’ve finally hit the point of getting rid of things I never could have let go before, and it feels great- except for the guilt of having bought them in the first place. I have to accept responsibility and deal with it, and get on with life!
Merit C says
@Jan
You just spoke from all of our hearts. 🙂
Jan says
Big hugs for all of us 🙂
Jan says
Thank you so much!
Helen says
I feel the same guilt because I can remember exactly what I paid for that thing that is now clutter. Now that we are being better stewards of money, we will have more of it to actually help others.
RedheadedCyclone says
Breathe. You now know better and are doing better. That is all you can ask of yourself. The past is done… you can only make your future better. Don’t feel like you are the only one in this process. Yay for doing better! Better is Good!
Jan says
Thank you. Isn’t it the truth- better is Really good!
Stacey Brown says
I SO understand that! Somehow (irrationally) I feel like if I don’t get rid if it then it was such a waste if money. Ridiculous how I rationalize it. I would feel so much better if I just got rid of stuff and then didn’t buy more clutter to replace it. Why is it so hard???
emma simmons says
I do have that feeling but it’s difficult to put into words… It’s like my attention is snagged on that item and I know it will catch my attention every time I see it until I deal with it. Then I get to decide how long I want to be aggravated this way.
Susan Kridler says
Thank you! I relate to this comment so much that I copied it into my Word file of reasons to declutter. I try to remember to read from it often.
Shauna says
I have quickly come to rely on that hesitation. If I am reluctant now, I have to recognize that I will always be hesitant and just toss it now. Thank you for that, Dana.
Leslie kelly says
I have had similar thoughts about money spent, etc but then realized that it once gave me inspiration and made me feel good to own it. I can let it go knowing it fulfilled its purpose for me but now I no longer need it to do that. I can pass it on knowing I am a conduit passing that item on with joy to someone else who may need inspiration or may feel happiness, even if temporary to own it. I believe that I am a conduit of blessing and grace here on earth and many things I purchase are really not for me, even though I am allowed to use or look at them and be inspired by them for a time. I don’t feel guilty about it anymore because I know I am just a conduit and don’t need things to make me feel happy. I still enjoy nice things, but pass them on freely when the time comes.
Lisa Rich says
Thank you. Reading that helped me so much. That’s a really healthy way of looking at it that doesn’t involve beating yourself up. I think I’ll adopt that way of thinking. Wow. This might be a game changer.
Amy Gregg says
I love this perspective so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️
sharon heatherington says
Wow thank you, Leslie I absolutely love how you think! And definitely keeping your words in my mind! 🙏
Barbara Robbins says
My problem with decluttering is simple. The first few sentences of your article would be a perfect description of my husband, except that’s where he still is. Even if I try to declutter my own things that I no longer use or need, he tells me to keep it since I might need it sometime. For me, decluttering would make managing our housework much easier. I’m physically handicapped, and any decluttering or housework I can’t do sitting is a major struggle. But even when I want to get rid of my own things I’m no longer using, my husband tells me to hold onto them. Unless it’s trash or small things I can sneak out with the trash, it stays in our home. Any ideas on how to deal with this situation?