I’m a fan of living in reality.
It’s reality that most New Year’s Resolutions fizzle by January 3rd.
I rarely even bother making them anymore.
But with the start of a new year, desire for improvement happens. I’m suggesting a resolution for those who can’t resist making one:
Live in Your Home
Anybody can do that, right? Barring exceptional circumstances, it’s kind of a no-brainer.
Make it a brainer. A conscious decision. A mindset change.
Mindset changes are powerful things.
Live
For my family, “living” means eating together around the kitchen table. It means plopping down on the couch to watch a movie. It means getting dressed, brushing hair and doing homework.
When I focus on getting my whole house organized ONCE AND FOR ALL, I get overwhelmed. When I focus on living the life we’re living anyway, I see value in clearing the table so we can sit down and enjoy end-of-the-day conversation.
I see the point of a piddly task that seemed pointless when my focus was on organizing my house.
In
Call it a stretch, but I’m going to expound upon this little preposition.
If you’ve been around my blog for a while, you know The Container Concept has rocked my Slob World. It all started when I finally understood what a container was. I used to think it was a place to stick stuff. Turns out, containers are meant to contain things. They are natural limits that determine how much “stuff” I can have.
I once thought if I filled up a basket with markers, but still had 468 markers left over, I needed another basket. (Or four.) I didn’t. The basket was a container. It contained (limited) the number of markers I could keep. If I shuffled through the 468 that didn’t fit and found a gold, sparkly one or one that smelled like grapes, I could only keep the special marker if I took one (that I didn’t like as much) out of the basket. The ones that didn’t make the cut went in the Donate Box. (That’s the one-in-one-out rule.)
As The Container Concept started to make sense to me, I began to see my home for what it was: a container.
Actually, it was container full of containers.
Every bookshelf, every utensil drawer, every closet was a container. Once I filled up a bookshelf, I knew how many books I could keep. I used to think I needed to go buy another bookshelf.
I learned I could more easily identify the books I loved when I could only keep what could fit on the shelf. Learning which ones I loved showed me which ones I didn’t love as much. This let me donate them without any as much “But . . . but . . . I LOVE books!” angst.
Rooms turned into containers. A room can only hold so much furniture. Buying another bookshelf isn’t an option if it simply won’t fit.
I also started to see that my rooms not only needed to contain the STUFF, but the people who lived in them. A room is only as big as it is. I need to fit furniture into the room, AND I need to fit people in there. The people need to sit and stand and relax and move from one side to the other without stubbing a toe.
Eventually, my brain accepted that my entire house is a container. It’s a container that fits a garage, a living room, bedrooms, bathrooms and more. All those things (while arguably not absolutely necessary) are the reasons we bought this house. We spent a LOT of money so we’d have a place to park our cars, a place to sit down and enjoy one another, a place to sleep, a place to . . . well . . . y’know, and more. If the Bedroom Container overflows and I have piles of clothes in the living room, it’s harder to live in the living room. If I stick random stuff in the garage until it’s so full we can’t park in there, the garage doesn’t get to serve its purpose as a container for our car.
Viewing my home and all of its rooms and shelves and baskets as natural limits removes a lot of the angst about figuring what I should keep and what I shouldn’t. Limits aren’t personal, they’re just there.
Your
I’m going to switch this to “my.”
I’ve grasped that I need to focus on things that make living easier. I’ve grasped that facts are facts and it’s not possible to shove more stuff into my house than will fit and still expect to be able to live in it easily.
But I need to live in MY home.
Pre-blog, I lived for my next phase of life. Everything was going to be easier once I was settled. Once I finally arrived at the place where I was going to be forever. Once that day came, things were going to be magically organized.
But they weren’t.
Our current house is our Final Destination Home. We knew that when we bought it. But when it was messy and disorganized like every other space I’d ever lived in, I started dreaming of another house. A better one. A bigger one that would actually have storage closets.
But if I’m going to LIVE, it needs to be done in MY home. Now. The one that only fits a certain number of bookshelves or side tables or whatever.
And while I may believe with all my heart that the metal pots-and-pans hanger my friend installed over her kitchen island is the BEST organizing solution ever created for pots and pans, my belief doesn’t change the fact that my kitchen doesn’t have an island. Or the space to install an island. Or a ceiling high enough to hang a sauce pan without risking serious head injuries to the full-grown members of our household. And we’re not even tall.
I was wrong all those times I put off living because I was waiting for the next (mythical) phase when everything would be easy and perfect.
I need to live in MY house. Now.
Home
A home is the people who live in it. People matter, not stuff. And when people matter, stuff doesn’t seem to have the same “right” to be there if it’s keeping the people from being able to live.
If you’re desperate to declutter, get The 5 Day Clutter Shakedown video course. You’ll find all the details here.
Bravo! I can certainly get behind this one–it’s a worthy challenge!
Thank you for this! You’re further ahead of something I’m coming to realize just lately. We’re in an apartment that I don’t want to be a forever home but when I keep looking for the “forever home” I forget to be grateful for the home I’m currently in. I’m ashamed to say haven’t really made our apartment a “home” the way I want it to be. Fortunately now I’m ready to take this challenge and change the apartment into “home” instead of just a temporary place to live.
It’s been a long journey, Nony, but this posting is profound. You are absolutely bang on with the container notion and the realisation that, in the end, people matter more than possessions. We can make our homes intolerable with our mania for ever more possessions and if we can steel ourselves to part with everything surplus to requirements, we can be happier and do others a good turn in the process. A Happy New Year to you and your family.
Excellent post! You so nail it.
Agreed!! Great post.
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and I think this is my favourite post ever. It’s profound, simple, attainable, and instructive. I’m at the latter end of life, and I have accumulated ten rooms full of stuff that is weighing heavily on me now. A friend of mine said she was beginning to feel the need to clean up after herself and not leave all her stuff for her kids to dispose of. Both of these are compelling me to begin cleaning up my stuff and leave a smaller footprint. Thank you for this insightful view of living in my home.
I wish you would talk to my mother in law!
Give me her phone #. NO, just kidding! My daughter once told me she certainly hoped I’d clean up before I leave her with the mess – er, stuff.
we’ve been helping a widow who lost her husband of 40+ years declutter and downsize from a 3200 sq ft home to a 800 sq ft condo….it has been very very difficult on her 🙁 …..decluttering as you go along is a gift to yourself now and others later!
Great post! I need to continue to remind myself of your words. Thank you!
I love this so much, Nony. These are words to live by … in fact you’ve inspired me to sit here for a bit thinking of how I live in my house and how I’d like to live in my house. Thank you!
How inspirational! I’m always living in the future, longing for the next (less cluttered, more organized) home. This post is a great reminder to live in the moment. Thanks!
You make “resolutions” …so keepable! I loved this. I’m sending the link to both my girls.
I especially like the LIVING… portion. Seeing the value in the everyday, mundane, taken for granted, chores… that can only take place at home. LIVING. Vitally important to families— but lost on so many people, who suffer from RUSH! …RUSH…RUSH!
…mmmm, I’m just dreaming of this concept.
“And when people matter, stuff doesn’t seem to have the same “right” to be there if it’s keeping the people from being able to live.”
I had big plans almost seven years ago. Getting rid of excess stuff in anticipation of buying our first house. But even getting rid of a lot of stuff didn’t prepare me for how much less room the house had than the apartment. The living floor space is at least as big, but no basement, too tiny and too few closets, and an almost laughable lack of kitchen cupboards (compared to what I had) made the decluttered boxes of STUFF turn into clutter again.
But I am taking your container lessons to heart. It’s nothing I didn’t already know – sort of – just not phrased that way or with that same understanding.
My house is a container. And it’s a smaller container than the apartment was. Time to deal with it and stop using certain parts of our home as a storage container for stuff I simply don’t have room for anymore. Frankly, I probably didn’t need it even when I did have the storage for it all.
Thanks for this, Nony. I’ve been in “transition” for four years, and a permanent move is still a year away at least. I’ve been paying for a storage unit for four years-old furniture, kitchenware & appliances & things that are so easily replaceable. I’ll be taking this advice to heart this year.
But the books, though….Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
So glad I found your blog and podcasts! I think you have based your posts on my life! I can totally relate. Especially with the container concept and buying more bookshelves. Thank you for the encouragement.
thank you for this. you speak what my heart knows but my brain just can’t quite compute 🙂 i am sending this to my mom, who taught me the fine art of cluttering!! happy new year, nony 🙂
I needed this today. I keep wishing we had a larger house. My husband keeps saying we just need to get rid of stuff. 😉 I was to be able to enjoy where we are now and start LIVING in the present. thank you for sharing!
I simply adore you, your blog and your posts. You’re words make me think you’re more like my twin than my actual twin lol. God bless you and yours.
I liked your post. Before marriage I lived in a decent sized home thought hubby was moving in when we got married totally downsized pots and pans craft stuff and random things. But kept canning stuff. Then had to move to a small apartment. I keep stuff under the bed as storage. It was temporary 7 months. The next place same size about but horrible layout. I knew that was temporary too it was 11 months. We just moved to a new apartment. It would be lovely to live in a house someday, but it might not be much bigger than this one. We have 790 square feet it’s a two bedroom and we are pregnant with our first. I plan on staying put a good five years. I am not done putting stuff away in the kitchen but my pantry is the container. I am going to give my self time to use up a little more food but it looks like I will be setting an amount for canning jars and passing the rest on. I am guilty of not living in my last house and I am okay with that. But I will be living in this house. I was thinking of this just today. A day is a container too.
Wow! I should read this every week. It is what I want for my family. Beautifully and sensitively written, too. Thanks so much.
This happened to me just today. I bought myself such a pretty, glittery purple blouse for Christmas. It has a rhinestone necklace.
I wore it to church this morning, and was aggravated before I even made it TO the church!
The sleeves were tight, only a touch, so I could put up with that, right?
Then the shoulders were a tiny bit too narrow, but there was plenty of room in the waist, so I could put up with that.
But it was itchy from the glitter. NO!!! Not putting up with that! Soon as I wash it, out it goes! Brand new tho it is.
Thanks, Nony!! for permission to get rid of it!
oops, this was supposed to be on the Get Rid of It post!
Thank you so much for this article. I just came across your site and this really, really spoke to me. Again, thank you!
This your your post ever ! If this was the only one you ever did, it would enable to have live better in MY home. Thank you so much for listening to God and having this ministry to us. You have saved my sanity and I’m sure of millions more. Before I found you in Aug. 2014. I had no hope for my house.
I can’t say thank you enough!
“I was wrong all those times I put off living because I was waiting for the next (mythical) phase” This is JUST GREAT!!!
Some posts I read. Some I remember and come back to read again.
And some stay in my head all the time.
This one has hung around for a long time now.
I bought myself your book ‘How to manage…’ for Christmas (had to order it specially). You talked about originally wanting the Real Blog about stuff you felt good at and passionate about – family.
And I remembered this post and thought, ‘Dana inspired me to live in our home and make a dining table we could eat at together.’
And I went and appreciated the junk on the dining table, which was lots of games I’d played with my sons.
And then cleared the darn thing so we could set it for dinner together.
Life is a Practice Blog.
I’m so glad God gave you the humility to blog about your struggles and the insight to connect your daily habits to your passion for family. You continue to inspire me to struggle on and to make a place for sharing life with mine.
So sorry I’m so behind on comments, but wanted to tell you how much this comment means to me. Thank you for the encouragement.
I completely agree with you about the need for space to actually live in. I need to do that, but how do I deal with my husband’s stuff? He’s at least as bad as I am about collecting stuff, but he just randomly leaves it all over the place.
My family moved into our ‘final destination’ home and I’m still stuck waiting for the next phase. I have big reno projects planned for years to come that will surely make life easier.
Thank you for reminding me to live in the space we have now, to enjoy our home as it is today.
Dana, you’re awesome <3
Brilliant! I think resolutions often fail because we forget our “why” (among other reasons). You’ve wrapped up the “why” and the resolution itself in one simple statement. We all want home to be a haven for our families and ourselves, but it’s so easy (for some of us) to get hyperfocused on the myriad nitty gritty details that the end goal turns into something completely out of reach. Thanks for keeping it real and SIMPLE!
What a fantastic post. As one of your most ardent followers who has made the switch from slob to not slob I think this really nails your philosophy. I tell my friends that you are the “every woman’s Marie Kondo”
I know this is an older post, but it is still SO relevant. I am in the process of creating a homework/maker space for my son so his “creativity” won’t be all over the house any more. That means shifting the way we use 2 different rooms. This post is a good reminder for me to shape these rooms to the way we really live, and that it’s ok to get rid of things we don’t actually use anymore.
I love this post! I know it is old but I have only been reading your blog for a few months so it’s new to me. I loved the contain-er concept, and now I realize that the house itself is a giant contain-er. Brilliant!
We’ve been watching old “Love It or List It” episodes (HGTV via HULU), and I keep saying to the kids, “These people just need Dana White’s book!!!!!”
This post is a great reminder to live where you are now. Love it!
What a lovely meditation! Thank you!
I know I’ve commented on this one previously, but during this time of isolation in our homes due to coronavirus, this is suddenly so very relevant. It becomes so much easier to see which parts of the home really function when you’re all stuck home together. I have to fight not to get mad at the added mess, and to concentrate on getting us through and helping us live together.
Nice, Dana! Thank you.
We love our house so much. It’s old but has pretty much no problems, and it’s beautiful in the way that new houses just can’t be. We never want to leave it, and will grieve if we ever have to.
Thing is, it doesn’t have as much storage space as a modern house. Few cabinets in the kitchen, no pantry, not even much wall space. But that makes me happy. It’s actually a challenge to LIVE in our home. If we had a huge modern home it would be too easy. As our family keeps growing we will keep adapting, and keep purging the stuff that gets in the way of living.
I am reading your blog from the beginning and I will tell you this is my favorite post that you’ve published. It makes so much sense and makes me see my own house in a different light. Not only do I have too much clutter/things, but there are things that I would like in this house that I keep putting off (like moving the washer/dryer upstairs from the basement). Why am I not doing that? I have never thought of this house as my final destination home, but really, after 20 years, it is. Time to stop waiting on a newer, bigger home and starting to make my current home work. It’s time to contain what I have in the rooms the go in. Thanks for this awesome and inspirational post!