I love sitcoms.
My husband and I use Seinfeld quotes in our daily conversations. We’re still grieving that Go On was cancelled after one awesome season.
But I do tend to get irritated when a huge and crazy situation happens simply because someone won’t admit the truth.
Doesn’t the truth set you free? If he/she/it would just be honest, everything would be fine!
Right?
Except that one time, I wasn’t honest.
I remembered it the other day when I glanced up from my Bible study time at my ultra-cluttered dining room table and saw this:
It was a week-old bologna sandwich. I knew it was a week old because my son had forgotten to take his lunch to school the week before.
Let’s not discuss the fact that it had been sitting unnoticed on a cluttered table for a week, or that my kids eat bologna. It had and they do.
Instead, I’ll tell you a story where I behaved in exactly the same manner as the sitcom characters that get on my nerves.
I had graduated from college in December, but didn’t move to Thailand until the following fall. In the spring after I graduated, I worked as a substitute teacher until I was hired as an aid in an early childhood special needs class.
I loved that job. I loved the four ladies I worked with and the kids. I just generally enjoyed every day there.
I especially loved when we would run out to lunch together. There was a morning class and an afternoon class, so we actually had a lunch break (unlike many teachers).
I brought my lunch one Friday. I remember it as a bologna sandwich (although I don’t remember eating bologna sandwiches at that time in my life).
Whatever.
Anyway, someone suggested we go out to lunch and I thought that was a great idea. I never even thought about the uneaten bologna sandwich when I left school that day.
Then, on Monday morning, I walked into the room to find all four ladies frantically searching for a dead animal.
Something had crawled into the classroom over the weekend . . . and died.
And rotted.
It stunk.
Y’all . . . it stunk bad.
(Incorrect grammar used with purpose for effect.)
I was equally concerned. I thought of the dear sweet children. Sweet children who might find this carcass if we did not find it first.
Sweet children who might . . . touch it.
I searched as well. I remarked about the stench.
I followed my nose.
To my desk.
To my own bologna sandwich. Last Friday’s bologna sandwich.
So I . . .
Snuck it out of the room and flushed the sandwich down the toilet.
And then . . .
Returned to the room to keep searching for the stench that was mysteriously beginning to diminish.
I have no idea . . .
why . . .
I couldn’t tell them.
Really. I wonder to this day why I felt I couldn’t let anyone know it was MY bologna sandwich instead of a decaying chicken.
I shook my head in wonder along with the other women when the smell was finally gone. I used my acting training to appear as mind-boggled as I could be.
And now, I wonder what was wrong with that particular bologna sandwich since this week-old version didn’t even have a scent.
--Nony
Cindy says
Maybe it’s something wrong with *this* sandwich. Seems to me like it ought to stink after a week, no?
Joan says
I think the difference is now there so many additives and preservatives that today’s bologna sandwich may be a bit like a Twinkie and has an almost indefinite shelf life.
Michaeleen says
PRESERVATIVES!!! A Bologna sandwhich can now last for decades…and so can guilt evidently 🙂
Dana White says
Haha!
Stephanie McNeilly says
Oh, Dana! Thanks for this morning’s belly laugh. 🙂
Cindy says
But has bologna really changed all that much in the last few years? I suspect it’s as preservative-laden as ever, but not more so. So maybe it’s the climate. A dryer place makes for less-smelly leftovers.
Cindy says
Er…drier. Not dryer. (Don’t you hate people who correct their typos like that? )
Cheri says
Could you use it for a frisbee?
Debbie says
For 11 years when I worked outside the home, I would bring bologna sandwiches for lunch every day (I love beef bologna especially)! My kids and husband don’t really like it so I don’t have it very often nowadays. About “Go On,” it started off appearing helpful for grieving people, so it angered me when the recent widower Ryan slept with that girl he’d just met (who he didn’t LIKE, even!), with his bereavement group catching them in bed together, pixelated nudity and all. Last episode for me! I wasn’t surprised it got canceled.
KayDee says
Maybe it was a tuna fish sandwich instead of a bologna one? (I don’t like tuna fish and think it “stinks” even when it is fresh…)
Amy J. says
Or perhaps the “bologna” sandwich you remember was actually a chicken salad sandwich – that would definitely smell dead after a weekend ;).