A few days ago, I was talking to a friend. We’re friends . . . even though she’s normal.
She’s one of the few real-lifers that knows about the blog. She’s the friend who had kids first and used to have hubby and I over all the time when we were newlyweds since she needed to keep her kids on a schedule, while we were footloose and fancy free.
So I’ve watched her. I’ve watched how she cleans the kitchen right after dinner and has her kids pick up their toys before they go to bed.
I know. So bizarre.
Anyway, I told her about the blog pretty early on because she’s a true friend and I knew she would be glad I was tackling this struggle. Although she claims that I hid it well and she had no idea how bad it really was. She’s a good friend, but lives far enough away that she doesn’t come over often, so she’s still in the “clean-for-two-weeks-before-they-get-here” category.
She likes organizing. Likes housekeeping. Gets joy out of throwing things away.
But because she loves me, she reads the blog, and cheers me on. She is fascinated seeing that there are those of us out here who think so differently than she does.
All that to say, she gets that my slob-brain is different, and she accepts me for it.
But when we were talking, and I was sharing how my kids rooms were stressing me again, she said, “Yeah, sometimes I’m so shocked when you show something that’s totally cluttered, but I thought you already worked on that spot.”
There you go. Reality.
I used to, and sometimes still do, watch the reality shows where they declutter and organize someone’s home. They’re inspiring. I get jealous of the people on them. Pre-blog, I totally could have qualified to be on one.
Some days, I could still qualify.
That’s the problem. On those shows, they only let you see a limited time period where the person has professional help, every single organizational resource available to them, and a designer to come in and make it look pretty before the big reveal.
The show ends with smiling faces and promises to keep it that way.
Through this blog, I’m accepting that my brain works differently from my “normal” friend’s brain. My house didn’t get this way because I “let it go” for a week. My house got this way because my natural tendency is to not notice the stuff, and let it take over.
If that’s my natural tendency, then every time I make my bed in the morning, start the dishwasher before I go to bed, or pick up the toys off of the living room floor (even when no one is scheduled to be ringing the doorbell anytime soon), I’m going against what’s natural for me.
It’s effort. Yes, it becomes more natural the more I do it. Yes, doing it more consistently helps me see the logic and the necessity behind it. Yes, the more I do it, the more likely I am to think to do it the next time.
But I’m changing my brain here. And changing your brain is difficult work, and doesn’t happen overnight.
I’ve seen a look in the eyes of some of the people on these shows. There’s fear and guilt in their faces, even in the moments that are supposed to be filled with joy over their new and changed lifestyle.
They know.
My friend had no idea that I was a slob. That’s because I did know how to make my house look nice. It was keeping it looking nice that I couldn’t do.
I still have messes. Big ones. Overall, my house is light-years ahead of where it was a year ago. But I’m sitting here typing this post at a very cluttered desk. A desk that was a Tackle it Tuesday project almost a year ago. A desk which I still have pictures of in my camera for another decluttering post which I never wrote.
This a blog of my journey. Of my deslobification process. At this point, it’s nowhere near the final chapter. It began with a home out of control, but I’m not sure that it will ever end with a home that is a showcase.
If a decluttered counter top automatically stayed decluttered, it wouldn’t have needed decluttering in the first place?
Make sense?
I just found your blog a week ago and it has been so refreshing to 'meet' someone like me. It is so weird to know that my brain really doesn't work like most other peoples brain. Thanks for being real so people like me know we aren't total freaks!
And I think you are doing an amazing job at tackling new habits. Keep up the good work!!
Wish you lived in my Texas town, we could be "show up any time" friends! Ha!
Totally makes sense.
Messes become invisible and then become too much to deal with.
I fight to keep counters and other horizontal surfaces clear every single day of my life.
Take comfort in the fact that you may have been a candidate for one of those organizational shows but at least you are not a candidate for the show "Hoarders". Now THAT show motivates me! Uff-da.
I'm the normal friend who didn't know Nony was a slob to the extent that she is until I started to read her blog. But it doesn't change the fact that Nony does nearly everything else well. And she does everything else THAT MATTERS in this life VERY well. As her regular readers can tell just by following her daily blog, she is a wonderful wife and mother. She has spoken the truth to me in love, and has been a true example of a Christian woman. And she has found so many ways to save money to help support her family while she remains a full time homemaker, that I'm almost ashamed to admit when I've paid full price for something! Nony has friends in several countries from her missionary days, and she continues to be active in her church and community. So while I wouldn't ask her for advice on how to organize my closet, I would ask her for advice on nearly anything else that could be important to a wife or mother. She is one of my true heroes, and I know she has been a blessing to those who read this blog and want to change this area of their lives. The fact that she is working so hard to change a habit that she sees is not helping her family says so much about her and those of you who are struggling right along with her. So you all have my respect and a huge "You go Girls!"
I can certainly relate to what you are saying and am definitely intrigued by your blog. I'm so happy I found it through an RT from Girlfriendology. I do not like to consider myself a slob but that are definitely times when and look around to a slob-like environment. Like you, most of the time I just do not care to pay attention to some details until it is an overwhelming mess. Also like you, I am tackling a task of redoing my bedroom, one step in the process of cleaning of my life altogether. I, too, watch those room/makeover shows and you're so right. Even when we clean our space ourselves, it's keeping it that way that is the challenge. I'm challenging myself to practice new habits that reduce the clutter and mess from building up in the first place, and yes it is a battle. But I really want to commit to this journey because I know it will positively affect my life overall. So I am here with you. I look forward to reading your blog, following you on your journey and hopefully sharing things that can help you on yours as well.
I can't tell you how many times I have post on my blog about cleaning my desk and about cleaning my craft room. No matter how much organizing I do, those areas always get bad again.
I feel like we live in a similar reality. I don't see much clutter either. I have found that the less space I have to clutter the better I do at keeping it clear! I have enjoyed reading your blog, because I can relate to you. I have been reading for about 6 or 8 months. Thanks for your honesty in sharing!
This TOTALLY makes sense girl. I tell ya, we are really too much alike. My thing too is that I just have no interest or desire but everyone says they don't either, but I think it's a lie. They sorta have to.
I'm getting a little better. It's just overwhelming sometimes when it all gets behind. I just feel like time to do all that boring, uninteresting stuff or time to do stuff with the kids, give my husband attention and other "stuff" that's more fun. It's not supposed to be fun, I guess. Or else they would call it housefun.
And, your friend LeaBeth. She's a good one!! And, sounds like she's right too. You do the things that matter really well. At the end of the day, those who matter will remember that!
OK, Andrea, "housefun" totally cracks me up!
And thanks to all of you for commenting that you understand. Why, oh why is it that we feel so alone inside our cluttered homes sometimes?
I know this is a really old post, but I’ve been reading backwards for awhile. I have to tell you Nony, I seriously think we were separated at birth! At least about the whole slob thing. LOL! I’m saving this post in my favorites, so that next time someone starts on my about why can’t I just do “x”, I can send them this post and say, that’s why!
THanks for commenting! Your comment made me re-read this post, and I needed to be reminded of this myself!
B——–uh…. <– (Me, rendered speechless at discovering someone–YOU–who has put into words exactly what I am and how I think.) 🙂
Thank you for describing "it" so perfectly. This has been my daily struggle since childhood! While I, like yourself, am a "recovering" slob, I don't think I will ever be "normal" like (ahem! my mother and sister) other people. I am so encouraged to read your blog and the comments from others that have proved I AM NOT ALONE. 🙂
About a year ago, a fellow recovering-slob-friend and I tried to nail down what is…well, wrong with us. This is what we identified:
1. We don't finish things. This is evident in both small things (the laundry that needs to be run through the washer–again–because I have yet to get it into the dryer) and big things (the commitments I've failed to complete, giving up completely on the house…). We decided right then to begin "collecting finishes". It started with little victories but each one mattered and has led to bigger victories.
2. We desire/expect perfection. I often become overwhelmed when I realize that my ideal of perfection is unattainable. Like you said, I get frustrated that things don't STAY clean. I am learning to be content with "it got done!" instead of striving for "Martha Stewart would approve!".
3. We were doing it (everything) for the wrong reasons. For me, it was trying to please my mom and measure up to my sister (who, in her defense, has always been encouraging to me). I was missing the point. The reason I should keep my house in good order is because it matters to God. It makes my home more peaceful, pleases my husband, sets an example of selflessness to my children and allows us to be hospitable.
Our house is still quite a mess sometimes, but I feel less defeated by it. Thanks for leading the charge so we have someone amazing to follow! 🙂
Thank you so much for commenting! I’m continually amazed at how many of us there are out there!
I was just thinking about this Nony. The forcing of my brain to do something it absolutely hates is where the work is for me.
When I was a housekeeper (for work) I worked sometimes 50 hours a week. Around holidays, or on special days of the week when I was fitting in extra clients, I would work 12 hours straight only resting during my drive between houses. I was fine, no big deal, no thinking= no problem. BUT, the energy and effort to force myself to complete a task in my own house to the end without getting distracted is like climbing Mt. Everest to me. I have to absolutely harangue myself nonstop to complete something to the end. I actually feel slightly sick (like restless leg syndrome of the brain) sometimes by forcing myself to do something I am not excited about right that minute!
Time to get a little somethin’ done!
PS ::sniff:: for your lovely friends comment!