There are things that stress other people, but energize me. I absolutely loved waiting tables for one summer in college. The more I had to run around and keep orders straight, the more fun I was having. At one temp job I handled a switchboard with constant incoming calls . . . LOVED it.
Though outsiders watching the backstage pre-show craziness usually say it stresses them just to see it, I’m at my most alive in the midst of it, barking out orders, coming up with a makeshift costume piece in less than a minute because someone lost theirs, making sure people and things are in the right place at the right time.
But this week has been almost too much for me.
I think it’s a control issue. If I’m the one in charge, I’m happy. But if things are happening beyond my control that I just have to react to and handle, it gets to me.
We’ve had some health issues in our family come up. Although my prayers were answered that we would receive a definitive diagnosis, it wasn’t one I wanted to hear. So now I’m dealing with how our lives are changing. And this change going on is beyond my control.
Let me clarify that it is not anything life-threatening, just normal-way-of-life-that-you-always-imagined-you-had-control-over threatening. I know people who are dealing with much worse.
So hour-away doctor appointments and medications that have to come from special not-in-town pharmacies are now a part of our life. I know that I’ll deal with it and it will soon become our normal. But for now, it’s just completely throwing me off.
I’m feeling so scatter-brained. I saw someone today who had asked me to head up something for my son’s school next year, and I remembered having a second conversation in which I committed to do it. BUT, I can’t remember if the conversation where I made the commitment was real, or if I dreamed it. Yes, I know, WACKO.
Yesterday, while calling in my son’s prescription at the special pharmacy, I decided that I should change my contact number from my home number to my cell number, since I was going to stop on the way home from the doctor. After pressing “2” to say that I needed to change the number, I couldn’t remember my cell phone number. Seriously. I tried and tried, but ended up putting in my husband’s number, and calling him to say he needed to call me if they called him, because I couldn’t think of my own number.
Today, I went to Field Day at my son’s school, and had a terrible allergy attack. The kind where complete strangers were stopping me and asking if I was okay. I was determined to come home, take some strong allergy medicine, and go to bed. Before I could nap, it was time to pick my other son. But I couldn’t find my keys. My keys that I had used less than an hour before. And I couldn’t even find the other set, that I had used last night. I looked and looked, and finally had to call my husband and ask him to leave work and go get our son and bring him home. I lose keys a lot (even though I have a nifty thing to hang them on right inside the door), but I can’t remember a time when I truly couldn’t find them.
Then, when my kindergartner came home, he was in tears because today was graduation pictures, the pictures I had promised him I would buy, and I had completely forgotten to order any or send money. I felt horrible. I tend to be scatter-brained, but I don’t usually forget things like that.
My forgetfulness is on a totally new level this week, with all the things going on.
So, I decided that instead of napping, I would clean up my beyond-a-disaster kitchen. And I would sort through the clutter on the dining room table. If I’m going to get past this current brain-fog, I’m going to have to do something. Something tangible.
And now I feel better. I’ve gone through all of the notes that came home this week but were hastily thrown on the table because we were late for something.
Tomorrow, I have nothing on the calendar. It’s quite possible that there should be something on there, but I’m hoping not. I’m going to use tomorrow to get our surroundings straightened and hopefully this will relieve some of the stress. Thankfully, I’ll be starting at a much better point than if I hadn’t done what I did this afternoon.
Take a deep breath first it happens to all of us. Call the school or the photographer and see if you can still get the pics?? Also see if there is a re-take day there usually is.
I found I used to lose my keys too a lot !!!!!!! Solution I bought a pretty bowl from the dollarstore and I put them in it every time I walk in the house. Saves me a lot of time!!!!!
Wow. Just, wow. You've really had a rough time of it! It's definitely true that a clean(ish) house helps with a clean(er) brain, so that's awesome that you kept on keeping on. Here's hoping things smooth out soon, though!
Oh Nony. I'm sending you hugs and healthy, calm wishes. When our kids are sick — and it sounds like you are a getting a long-term diagnosis here — it completely shifts our axis. Be gentle on yourself, you need some time to adjust. No beating yourself up over picture orders or lost keys, okay? And while I completely understand needing to creating some 'order' externally so you will feel some internally, it's okay to just crawl into bed and sleep for a while, too!
I hope that your son will be okay. I'm thinking about your family during this difficult time. ((hugs))
Oh dear.
You handle stress just fine. But when it's about our kids there's always all kinds of emotional toll it takes, no matter what it is, because it ain't nothin'
You're readjusting to the new reality – it will feel more normal soon . . . and you'll handle it all with grace I'm certain
Could it be … are you actually *gasp* using housework as THERAPY!
I'm sorry for the medical issue you are dealing with. Not many things are more stressful than long term health issues.
Lisa in Hixson
I'm sorry for the medical issue. I know from experience how hard the faraway doctor and the special pharmacy are, but as Cherie said, you'll adjust to the new normal soon. Till then, cut yourself some slack!
When my son was first diagnosed with EE, he was prescribed Prilosec that had to be compounded at a special pharmacy–and kept in the fridge. After the *first* dose, I forgot to put it back in the fridge. All that money and effort to get the Rx went literally down the drain. In the end we swithced to Prevacid that we get from a regular pharmacy and doesn't need refrigeration. If I hadn't screwed up, we never would have switched to the easier med. 😉 Don't worry, you'll figure it all out. Health is important, the rest (keys, portraits, etc.) is gravy. Good luck!
I also usually can't remember my cell phone number either but how often do you call yourself. Sorry to hear about your son but glad you found answers. I know last week was crazy around here and still trying to recover. Take a nice weekend enjoy yourself if that means housework then go for it.. I need to do some room this weekend. Since its going to snow and rain all weekend it will be a good time to do it. You and your family will be in my prayers
::hug:: I can so relate. My 7 year-old has a chronic health condition. In the early days after diagnosis, I thought I was losing my mind as I tried to adjust to the new normal. I projected a very positive, in-control, attitude… but I didn't always feel that way on the inside. Now I don't remember what things were like before diagnosis… it's just another part of our life. I hope that you get to your "new normal" soon, and that you find some time to rest and refresh yourself (and your house if that helps).
By cleaning your house your showing you want control and also its preparing you for the next steps for God granting you control over unknown or at least being prepared for the unknown with your clean house. My prayers are with you as we are still searching for dd15 unknown diagnosis.
Probably a good thing you didn't come my way this past week. You'll have all this next week to catch up too…although my schedule looks pretty busy…so my house may look horrific by the time you do come.
Oh, and my complete lack of forgetfulness…which doesn't happen very often, but when it did…I was usually pregnant. I'm just saying.
I know that this is a very old post, but you are in my prayers. When a life changing event happens to us it is NORMAL to forget things. We have to adjust to a new normal.
Thank you. I greatly appreciate any/all prayers.