My husband and I were part of a class that watched a video series called Marriage on the Rock. We liked it, but it didn’t really fit a Sunday morning class schedule, so I don’t think we finished it. However, there is one phrase that we continue to use.
“All points expire at midnight.”
The speaker’s point was directed to husbands. His idea was that men generally want the credit (“relationship points” earned) for taking out trash, saying sweet things, etc. to last through to their next mistake. For example, if he forgets once to lower the toilet seat, his wife should be thankful for all of the times when he remembers, rather than be mad about the one time when he forgets. But alas, all points expire at midnight. All of the couples there got a big kick out of this because it seemed that everyone could relate. (No men-bashing here, because in my opinion women are the same way.)
Anyway, this phrase came into my head yesterday when thinking about some of my classic excuses. My biggest one, and the one that gets me in the most trouble, is thinking that I shouldn’t have to clean something because “I just did that.”
Last week I mopped. It had only been one week since I mopped before that (normal for most people, huge accomplishment for me), but a glass of sprite from our stomach-bug-week had been knocked over and our feet were literally sticking to the floor. I was very proud of myself. I mean, twice in two weeks?!? I must really have this housekeeping thing down, right?
And then, the next day, my foot stuck to the floor again. Just in one little spot near the dishwasher, but it happened a few times until I couldn’t pretend it was my imagination anymore.
And do you know what thought went through my ever-so-mature brain?
“I shouldn’t have to mop again because I just mopped yesterday, and it had only been a week before that.”
Shouldn’t have to. Yes . . . . well . . . . .
This is one of those thought patterns that come so naturally to me that I’m working very hard to change. I’m fully aware of how ridiculous these types of thoughts are. I’m fully aware of the result of allowing myself to act or not act on these types of thoughts, having seen the evidence in my totally chaotic home for years.
Fully aware or not, the thoughts still pop in my head. So now I have to recognize them for their idiocy, and choose to act correctly/logically/maturely/etc.ly in spite of them.
After all, “All (housekeeping) points expire at midnight.”
Ha! Love your blog…
I have a squished grape on the floor I'v been meaning to clean up…but I just cleaned up the mud the dog drug in last night! My friend calls me a "Messy"..I only let her cause she is one too. I'm going to post on the topic soon, however I fear judgement from my Mother. 😉
Thanks for visiting "I'll take some joy in my coffee" come back soon. 🙂
Michelle
What a great statement… I'm just like you in this area… I have had that exact thought over and over… I just did that – how can it possibly be time to do it again? I want things done once – and that be the end of it. Get an area clean and never have to do it again. Faulty, I know. But I like how you put it — which reminds me, I should probably get up and go clear out the sink and all of the other piles that have reappeared since yesterday. Ugh.
I really like both the initial meaning and the housekeeping meaning applied to this. I linked to it on my weekly roundup. I'm so glad I found you!! :>)
This is PERFECT! I just posted something on my blog about how I'm terrible at keeping the bills paid…they just keeps coming around each month and I feel like i JUST did them! So I'm awful about it, and keep putting it off until things get dangerous.
But…all BILL PAYING points must expire at midnight, too. I'll try to keep this in mind 🙂
I'm this way in the household. I also hate mopping. I want all kinds of cool gadgets like the mop robot and stuff. LOL. I'm a terrible organizer and mopping once a week is a big thing for me too! Looking down now I can see I need to mop again.
I just found your blog and so far, I like what I read. All Housekeeping points expire at midnight is awesome! Thanks for sharing.
So this made me laugh, first of all because my hubby makes a point to let me know that he “took the trash out for me,” and because I just wiped up a sticky spot on my counter that I don’t even remember what it was. It was bright pink though, so it wasn’t like something spilled and I just didn’t realize it. It has been staring at me for who knows how long, and now my counter is pink there, because well it was probably berry something and that stains. Grrr, why didn’t I just wipe it when it happened? Well probably because I just made something delicious, and I shouldn’t have to cook AND clean… silly me.
My ex-husband used to tell people (on the rare occasion he watched the kids so I could go do something) that he was babysitting for me. Hello, you’re the Dad, you’re not babysitting!
I so relate. I actually “rag” mopped a sticky spot last night and was proud of myself for getting that section clean. It’s so sad that I feel that way. My husband comes home some days and gets mad because the floor is sticky or toys are everywhere, but I have a hard time “seeing” it all. Love your blog, it keeps things in perspective for me!
I love it! I am going to have to use this with my husband… Okay and myself!
I’ve been reading your blog backwards like you suggested for a couple if days now and this post finally broke through my mindset. You hit the nail on the head. I have done the exact same thing with so many tasks. I just did that, WHY do I have to do it again?????? Thank you so much and I am printing out this post and sticking it to my kitchen cabinet. The inside of course!
Yay! This concept was huge for me, too!
LOVE THIS! I’m going to use it for all sorts of things now!
Reminds me of the time my BFF’s son needed a diaper change…15 minutes after he had had his diaper changed. She just laughed and shrugged and changed him again. I was horrified!
P.S. I have no kids.
LOVE that rule. My husband will love that rule too! In fact, I think we’re going to have a lot of fun reminding each other of it. Right? It will be fun, won’t it?! 🙂
I love this!
Thanks, Melissa!
I love this, for both relationships and the house. I’m new to your blog and have been reading backwards. I love it and you! Haha. I struggle with housekeeping since we homeschool and I have 4 kids home all day making messes! I appreciate your encouragement and transparency.
Welcome, Heather!
This is a great reminder. Great. I say that ALL THE TIME. when I wash the kitchen/dining room floors by hand I say for at least the whole next day “I JUST scrubbed the floor on my hands and knees, could we just keep it clean one day?!?” I really have to constantly remind myself that this “job” is never-ending. It’s just normal living of life. Thanks!
Oh dear Nony…I’ve been reading for a week and have started on my quest to organize my small apartment. But….This really struck a chord of shame. We leave messes on the floor ALL THE TIME! And it just gets worse….and We’re renting….There’s a few places on my kitchen floor where pieces of previously frozen fruit had fallen out of the freezer and are now One with the linoleum…I didn’t even know it was possible. So when I finally mopped on Wednesday as part of my Nony-inspired cleaning spree….I mopped over it. It didn’t come off so I left it. I even bought a scrub brush 4 months ago just for these spots and I still haven’t cleaned it. Apparently my plan is to leave it till we move and the scrub furiously for several hours as a sad attempt to maybe get my deposit back. On the upside it was a crappy floor when we moved in. So they probably won’t notice the fossilized fruit embedded in the floor right? Right??
Ti~
Try a folded wet napkin or paper towel on the spot after dinner, then set a timer for an hour or two and come back and clean them. They should have reconstituted enough to come up. I’m always finding spots throughout the house that have been sitting too long. I pulled out the bed from the wall in the master bedroom to paint the room, and there was (warning, this grossed me out BIG TIME, so if you don’t have kids and/or pets, skip this part)……………………………………………………cat vomit. OLD cat vomit. I used the above method, and it worked.
Joelle
Me = you – the blog
Lawsy, how you read my mail!
Thanks 🙂
I have described this part of my personality over the years in a similar manner: I like – and need! – a lineal progression (ie upward / towards completion or the finish). That’s why getting everything out for breakfast, putting it all away and wiping down the counter and emptying the sink drives me crazy when it all happens again at lunch or dinner or even if not until the next day. It’s a cycle that never ends! And although my rational brain says “duh – a kitchen is meant to be used every day and since you would prefer that it be clean and sanitary….” But my basic instinct is frustration anger resentment and all too often a blind eye to the state of things because I just hate “doing it all again”….
Naming the reason why I hate it has helped me force myself to just get it done on a regar basis….. But cyclical things of housekeeping will always be what I hate most….
Oh my gosh, I can do relate. You are inspiring me to believe that I csn change! Doing lots of decluttering these days, but some days I feel like I’m the only one who can tell. Thank you for being transparent.:)
So funny!! We are on our way to church and I’m laughing because this is so true!! If I mop approximately in 2 hours something is going to get spilled.. It never fails.. Never.. Yep with 6 kids…mopping is a chore I only ever want to do once!! As if !! Lol!! God Bless you!!!
I was in my 40s, and my children out of the house, before I accepted that housework had to be pro-active, not reactive, to look like any was ever done. And that it is easier to clean if the place is kept tidy.
This “all points expire at midnight” is the best thing I have heard in years. Not just related to housekeeping, but related to people in general. In any kind of relationship. I want to make a big poster/wallhanging with this and put it up in my house. It’s simply genius.
Thanks so much for posting it.
This reminds me of my saying when it comes to dishes & Laundry (well all housework really). I hate doing ______ because it’s never DONE!
As soon as you think your finished with a task you turn around and someone has dirtied something else.
Prepping for my MIL’s upcoming multi-day visit, I cleaned a spare bathroom that we rarely use, and I repeatedly thought, “but I thoroughly cleaned this bathroom, even every cranny with the steam cleaner” — umm, over a year ago! Probably over three years ago! Even bathrooms can get dusty, and precipitates from hard water build up in rarely used toilets. And rarely opened cabinets = landing spots for stockpiles acquired at bargain prices and stuff to be used “one of these days,” maybe for “just in case” scenarios or when I “get around to it.”
I must print some of Nony’s checklists and switch to proactive rather than reactive about the cleaning and organizing. I think I’ve been succeeding with the kitchen b/c the expiration at midnight quickly becomes obvious there, even with my Slob Vision. And my nose helps, b/c I’m big on sulfur-containing veggies. Slip ups related broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage smell! Also, I’m very risk-averse in regard to ants and other insects.
P.S. I also make hard-boiled eggs frequently, another item that will quickly alert me by the smell if I fall behind on kitchen maintenance!
Two things. First, I totally relate to this. If by some miracle I get all the laundry cleaned and put away, for the next few days I’m just blown away by the possibility that there might be more to do. If I do dishes after breakfast, I’m flabbergasted by more after lunch or dinner (no dishwasher means I can’t get behind or I’ll have no counter space for food making).
Second, as a person motivated by silly things like stickers, points, and web badges, I think I can use this. How hard is it to assign point values to tasks? Not hard. So a housekeeping task list (maybe a rotating one for people trying to do zones) with assigned points for each task and a reward at certain levels that escalates in awesomeness would probably go an amazingly long way toward getting me to do housework. And really, for me, the biggest problem is keeping consistent in the early days of my anti-slob attempts. Once a thing becomes habit, you don’t need points anymore because you just do it. But I have very many habits that I need to achieve. So maybe I need a scorecard with the reminder that all points expire at midnight. If I want that big prize, I have to do more cleaning. Today.
Now I just have to come up with prizes that won’t increase my clutter or my waistline.
I just wanted to say that I love how respectful you are to your husband. It’s refreshing to see that.
Thank you for this comment, Jessica.
This is exactly how I feel about dishes and cleaning the table after meals. The dishes in the sink drive me crazy… I have to remind myself that my housekeeping is for me… it makes me feel better, makes me proud of my accomplishments.
Oh my gosh, I need to use this “points” thing on my daughter with our new doggie. (Yeah, yeah, got work on my own head too.) She’s been wriggling out of dog duties with, “I just took her out” and, “But I cleaned up the last mess.” Now I can tell her that puppy-mama points reset with each pee or poo. Or some variation.
Love this. I need to remind myself of this everyday when I think, “but I just did that.” I also dislike mopping for some reason so avoid doing it as long as possible. I have started to mop the floor with my wash cloth after I have finished cleaning up the kitchen and dishes for the night. I have found that little bit helps a lot in keeping my floor from looking super nasty plus I don’t have to break out the mop.
Good grief – sorry to be the downer note, but what that marriage course was saying sounds so awful I couldn’t resist replying!
Yes, if one person gets something wrong that the other person knows full well they normally get right – yes, treating that as a no-biggie one-off *is* the right thing to do, not getting mad because they made one mistake! Yes, their long history of doing it the right way *should* count as credit! Seriously, this guy was trying to tell you otherwise?? What kind of lousy marriage course was this? I hope the rest of the course was better!
(Yeah, I completely agree with the main point you were trying to make about housework not being the kind of thing you can coast on indefinitely because it needs redoing at regular frequent intervals. But that ‘marriage points expire at midnight’ thing sounds like such a terrible attitude for this guy to have been teaching!)
I completely agree with you!
Love this! To me it’s a reminder that marriage and housekeeping take DAILY work! I’ve just come across your blog (the podcasts are what grabbed my attention so I can listen while I clean!) and I can relate on so many levels! Closing the cabinet doors?! I thought I was the only one with that problem! My son has been going around closing them behind me since he was about 2! 😉 Thanks for being real and sharing your story to benefit others!
I have been reading your blog and I have found my people! I have struggled with being a housekeeper very much. I’m so thankful for a husband that just rolls with it but I want to have a nice home for him, our kids, and myself. We deserve to live in a tidy place, not just when we are expecting company. I have created a daily checklist and I have posted it on my fridge. I did it for the current month. I have already created the next month’s sheet. After reading this post, I added “All Housekeeping Points Expire at Midnight” to it. Hopefully this time it’ll stick!