At this point I have no readers. The understood “you” in all of these posts doesn’t actually exist. However, I find myself hesitant to say certain things. Sometimes it is because honesty hurts. I’m used to putting a positive spin on things that need to be said more bluntly here. Sometimes, though, it is because I am afraid of offending someone. Strange, since there isn’t ANYone reading at this point.
I hesitate to call myself lazy because I would never call someone else in my exact same situation lazy. I don’t watch TV during the day. I don’t eat bon–bons. I almost NEVER take a nap (I may have taken two total last school year). I’m a very busy person. But my house is a mess. I can blame my constantly-working-and-therefore-distracted mind. I can blame my creativity. I can blame my ADHD tendencies that keep me from noticing how bad it’s getting. I can blame the busy-ness itself. All these things are true. I often don’t notice something until it’s really bad. But there are definitely times when I do see something and consciously decide not to do it. I’ve seen the same cereal bar wrapper on my computer desk for at least three days. Every time, I have thought that I should throw it away. But of course, I’m in the middle of something when I see it, and just can’t get up to throw it away. So then I don’t think of it again until the next time I sit here and am again in the middle of something else. So, is it laziness to not stop this post and go throw it away? Or was it laziness to put it there in the first place?
Honestly, I’m not sure.
But I did just throw it away.
🙂 I can so totally relate to this post. I've recently discovered your blog and am reading it backwards – as you suggested. I'm finding it incredibly comforting to find someone else in the same place I am. I won't begin to describe the clutter and junk that are sitting on my computer desk as I type this. It's just too awful. I know it hasn't always been easy – but, I want to say thank you for sharing. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for admitting that Flylady doesn't work for everyone and that each person has to find what works for them. It really does help to hear someone else say what I've been thinking.
Oh yeah, I totally get that part about the wrapper. I do the same thing. Even worse is seeing a cracker that fell on the floor and think I should pick it up, but I don't, then it gets stepped on and is in a million pieces… so when I could've picked it up with a thumb and finger before, now I need a broom and dustpan. Grrrr.
I've often pondered the 'Am I lazy?' question too.
There are no bits of food on the floor..the dog gets them first. I am tending to pick up wrappers faster but I FLY to get anything aluminum foil containing. Can be lethal for he dog.
I’d rather sweep than vacuum. A vacuum hurts my ears. Necessary once in a while.
oh how I adore you! a girl after my own heart! 🙂
OK Nony – I think you have a following. It might have taken a long time, but it is there. This ‘laziness’ issue is huge. I truly think the ‘slob’ brain works differerntly than the ‘clean’ one – I hope to see you tackle this more as I progress thru the blog. I want that thing that makes ‘cleaniacs’ so upset at a mess that they can’t rest til it is clean… I don’t like my brain just accepting messes – but don’t know how to not have it… I have no interest in reading cleaning blogs by cleaniacs who just show tips – yours is the most useful for recovering slobs — or WANNABE recovering slobs!!
This is so me! I am so glad that I found your blot. My untidiness has been the subject of many an argument between me and my husband.Now I no that there is hope for me yet.
New follower here! Reading upside down. 🙂 I just had to post because I really, truly think I am lazy. Yes, I’m depressed. Yes, I can’t focus. Yes, I’m overwhelmed. But, also, I am lazy.
New follower, too, and reading backwards. I can’t believe there is someone who can describe how I function, or don’t to be more exact. I wonder if there is some syndrome or something. I just don’t see messes until I actually have to see it. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t normal. As for lazy, I can work hard, but mostly I work in my mind. I plan, fix, read, learn, but mostly have great intentions that are procrastinated away. I’m so amazed that you can put me into words like you do.
Welcome, peigi! And thank you so much for commenting! I’m constantly amazed that others relate to my struggles.
” I’ve always felt that I wasn’t normal. As for lazy, I can work hard, but mostly I work in my mind. I plan, fix, read, learn, but mostly have great intentions that are procrastinated away. ”
this is my current challenge — getting out of my head where my plans are perfect and taking small daily actions in the larger imperfect world of reality, so called
have found the “Learning To Manage…” book so useful, in terms of understanding and accepting myself plus in practical rules and steps as well — just ordered the new book today and delighted there is one
i’m a 50s – age “empty nest” mama with my one sweet baby boy a college sophomore and my career change into nursing long completed
so
“it’s time” and i have no excuses as it’s just me
: )
ME TOO!
glad to learn it’s “not just me”!
I’ve recently started reading backwards too and All your posts strike home to me 🙂 I have a long way to go and I think I just might be able to stick with this ‘cuz of you Nony. You are most accepting and positive about this difficult change. This lazy thing is interesting. I am not sure if it’s true or not. I was called lazy by my Mom all my life, and I hear that voice in my head very often. Funny thing is, I do have some moments of wonderful relaxation, etc…BUT, I also recognize that I am a terrifically hard worker.
Just today I realized that if I notice where I place things I MIGHT be able to catch myself and put the darn cup in the dishwasher instead of the counter. hmmm, maybe normal people do this without thinking, but not me. The daily task thingy is working for me right now (altho it’s only been a few days), and I feel better. Your sharing experience has given me hope and I thank you!
LAZY IS THAT THE WORD FOR US MOMS? I DON’T LIKE IT IF SO. I DO SO MUCH IN A DAY, I HAVE 5 KIDS THE OLDEST JUST TURNED 8 AND THE YOUNGEST IS 11 MONTHS. SOMETIMES I DON’T SIT DOWN ALL DAY I JUST GO AND GO AND YET MY HOUSE IS SUCH A DISASTER NEARLY EVERYDAY. I CLEAN LIKE MAD FOR A WEEK AND THEN LET IS GO AND THEN CLEAN LIKE MAD FOR A WEEK AND THEN LET IT GO. IT’S SUCH A SAD VICIOUS CYCLE. IT’S MADDENING TO BE HONEST. BUT DO I LET IT GO BECAUSE I AM LAZY? I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW. I THINK IT IS BECAUSE I JUST DON’T WANT TO BE A SLAVE TO THE MESS, I HAVE SO MANY OTHER THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO. FUN THINGS! CLEANING IS NOT FUN FOR ME ALTHOUGH I DO LOVE THE FINISHED PRODUCT. IN FACT IF SOMEONE CALLED ME LAZY I WOULD BE OFFENDED. BUT IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW ME AND CAME BY MY HOUSE UNANNOUNCED WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU THINK?
Yes. That’s what’s so hard about it! It’s now years since I wrote this post, and I understand it’s (usually) not laziness. I was always up and doing things, but it was all so random. I didn’t keep up the routines that actually made a difference to break the vicious cycle.
Whodathunk that randomly googling the words “slob mom” in my 11th hr of desperate frustration with home CHAOS… would lead me to a life-changing blogger! Thank you thank you thank you Dana/Nony for your honesty and downright courage to chronicle your journal for our benefit! I’m Lainee and I am committed to reading and truly processing your posts from the very beginning, in the hopes that I will be an enlightened recovering slob, too! My kids are 9 and 12 and I’m a newly-divorced single working parent who moved from a 2600 s.f. home to a 900 s.f. apt with no bsmt, no garage, no attic and 3 tiny closets, so this former SAHM pretty much comes home from work exhausted and too depressed to clean, cook so I have become blind to the cluttered romper room, rely on take out, also because by night I’m a chauffeur to my kids as they each have 10+ hrs per week of extracurriculars on top of ridiculous amts of homework I help them with singlehandedly as the sperm donor (aka father) only sees them 3 saturdays per mt. But enough of my pity-party whining! I was lost and confused
… but now I don’t feel alone anymore! I decided to get up the guts to comment bc this particular post struck a raw nerve for me: am i lazy? Way back when I was married to an abusive narcissist and the children were small and I was a scared dependent eggshell-walker, I actually did a decent job of maintaining a home, until I reached a point when i knew there was more harm than good in staying married to a tyrant. A last straw was him saying “The ugly truth is that you are lazy” bc that meant he didn’t “get me”. Your post on your hubby getting you made me cry, bc that is true love: to understand with conpassion. I was overwhelmed then, as I am now in the aftermath of a bitter divorce that’s left me penniless but free from tyranny and full custody of my wonderful and resilient kids. Now with your blog, I hope to get my act together and prove to myself I am resilient, too. I am beyond ready to Finally Love Yourself (flylady gave me guilt too) but I think your pace and strategies are more my style. Again, thank you. And thank God for you!
Welcome, Layney! I’m so glad you’re here.
Your blog showed up in my Facebook feed as a suggested page. I’m reading it backwards. This post about the candy wrapper is so me! Hoping to start slob rehab through your inspiring journey. Thanks for putting it out there!
wow, you described me to a T. i need to start recovery but dont even know how to do that
Well then I’m lazy too. But instead of leaving it there, I put garage cans throughout my house where I need them. If I have a garbage can close and I see the garbage and I don’t have to get up or stop what I’m doing for more than 2 secs condos, the garbage gets thrown out.
My kids aren’t thrilled with so many garbage cans to empty on their trash day, but it works for busy, distracted moms!!
I’ve been reading your posts since I found them. This is the first place I’ve seen that really gets it. Keep up the good work and I’ll be here. Thanks!
I wouldn’t call myself lazy per se…not excited about housework might be a gentler way of putting it. 🙂 THANK YOU for the pic of your cluttered counter from a previous post-I have an identical spot in my house! I am trying…really trying. We live in a small house, no garage or attic or notable storage, just a small crawlspace, so decluttering and daily pick up is VITAL. And something that I fail at. Epically. Daily. I try new things, an I read new books, and none of them really help me tackle the root of it all–me. I’m not a bad person, I’m not a bad mom, or lazy or what-have-you. I’m just really terrible at cleaning and keeping things clean. I blow through the house every Saturday and we clean. And clean. And clean. And that takes half a day. I would love to get me and my clan to the point where weekends are for the joy of free time, not catching up on all the housework we didn’t do all week and spending all afternoon Sunday doing 5 loads of laundry. I am hopeful that your blog will help me. It’s written in my kind of speak; I need solutions that are real things that I can implement easily, seamlessly and without changing the core of who I am (I am not suddenly going to have OCD and all will click and happily ever after), and also won’t cost me a dime. Sure I could organize my house in spectacular ways if I drop a few thousand dollars at Ikea. But I have kids. My money is spoken for.
So, anyways. Just figured I would drop you a line to say hallo and people are still reading your advice! Thanks!!!!!!
I started your blog backwards as you recommended, and I have been wondering since post #1 if you have ADHD! Ha! I see a lot of myself in this, especially not wanting to tell your husband when you start something new… again. Looking forward to reading more!
I’m reading this almost 10 years from it’s original posting. I’m glad it’s still around, and I’m excited to watch your journey. I’ve watched the just made Marie Kondo Netflix series, read her book 5 years prior to that, and it helped me realize stuff was just stuff and I have a better relationship with the things I choose to keep in my life and it’s easier to let go of things. But tidy? Nope. As I read the post about cereal bar wrapper on the desk, I have noticed a candy bar wrapper on my desk for 3 days. 3 days that I think “I need to throw that away.” And I’m excited that your hubby is so supportive, but mine is not. And the second thing that was profound was that I tell him the exact same things you tell yourself and posted…. I don’t take naps, I don’t sit on the couch eating bon bons. I never watch TV until after bedtime for my daughter and until I’ve thrown in at least one more load of laundry to wash overnight for me to move to the dryer in the morning. It falls on deaf ears, because, I look around, and I do feel like a lazy person lives here.
I discovered your podcast first after hearing your book mentioned on one of Lisa Woodruff’s Organize 365 recent podcast episodes. I’ve just started reading your blog backwards, and I’m on day two of keeping my dishes clean. Keeping house for me has been like losing weight. I get all excited about some new plan (also have FlyLady email guilt), but after a couple of weeks I lose steam and the house is right back where it was. I’ve often thought I was lazy too (just threw away a wrapper that was left on the counter for days). I’m not. I worked full-time while going back to college when my kids were in middle school and high school (so I also had a part-time job as a chauffeur). Now I have my dream job as a teacher and work way too many extra hours. I’ve finally developed some systems at school so that I get home earlier (now working from home during COVID-19), but my house is still a wreck. I joined Lisa’s 100 day program last year and got some of my home decluttered during the summer. However, when my school year started my housekeeping fell apart. I’m hoping to get the cleaning basics down this summer so I don’t think about it, I just do it automatically. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with the world. It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one in the world that does some of these things. I’m not crazy (or lazy), and I’m apparently not alone either.
I don’t think it’s laziness at all. I know this is an ***old*** post, but I still want to say it. You said you see the wrapper, but you’re in the middle of something else. For those of us who are easily distracted, doing something off-course can totally destroy our focus and stop us from completing things we want to. I’m guessing your 5-minute pickups solved this problem later.
I have ADHD brain too! I don’t know if this is true for you as well, but something that my therapist (yes, not gonna lie) told me is that there are two things at play here, the time blindness and the “high”. We say to ourselves, “I’ll get to it later” which is such a dangerous thing b/c “later”….well, “later” doesn’t usually show up as “now” for us like it does other people.
The other factor is that the small rush or “high” that we get from putting it off is higher than the high we get when we think about completing the task. Our mind tells us that putting something off for later is a bigger payoff than doing it now. And we will get to it later, right? 😉
I definitely relate.
I too am creative. I too am ADD/ADHA(?). I too have a lot of things to do, but here’s the difference:
My kids left home a decade ago.
And, the busy-ness always starts up right around the time I start once again to declutter my house.
The first time my brother-in-law died and my sister came to stay with me for awhile. I had gotten several things decluttered before she came, but it broke my stride.
Then I started again and my grandson was born needing several doctor visits and surgery. So my daughter and her two children came for several months.
Now I started again, and I am needed as a caregiver.
All that said, I could have decluttered and cleaned my house several times over in between these events.
So yeah, I would definitely say I have been lazy.
Thank you for a place to admit it to myself and to the world.
I’m sending you a BIG virtual hug.
Jo