I take comfort in the knowledge that no one is reading this blog. That no one even knows it exists. I haven’t even told my husband. I’m not hiding it; I just get so tired of failing when it comes to this housekeeping thing. I’ll go through times where I do pretty well. And then life happens. I know that’s cliche, but there’s a reason that some phrases become cliches. If ALL I have to focus on is my home, and I’m not in the middle of VBS, gymnastics, birthday parties, soccer/baseball/basketball/whatever games, I can do this. But as soon as “obligations” start, my house gets forgotten. One day I’ll be on track, and then two weeks later, I’ll look around and see stuff everywhere, and I’ll realize that it hasn’t even occurred to me in the past two weeks to pick up, put away, etc. And I don’t notice until it’s a foot deep and needs a full week of dedicated professional help.
So I haven’t told my husband because, behind his sweet and supportive smile, I know what his eyes are really saying. “Sure, honey, we’ll see how long this one lasts.” I kind of took this advice from the SHE book, which I’ll talk about in future posts. They advise that you don’t tell anyone what you’re doing until they notice the difference. When I did flylady for a while, my husband actually laughed. It was a kind, loving and warmhearted laugh. But it was a laugh.
I don’t want anyone to read this so I can really let it all out. You know, messiness is shameful. I am actually a very honest person. I never pretend that I have this home organization thing all figured out. I tell people my house is messy, but inside I always hope that they think I’m exaggerating. My goal here, as I’ve said, is to be honest. Not so much honest for the sake of you, my non-existent reader, but for my own sake. This needs to be something I work on. Something I am consumed with thinking about so I can figure it out.
But then, of course, I DO want people to read this, to cheer me on, to believe in me. My real hope and prayer is that this will actually work. That combining my desire to write and my need to fix this mess will come together and I’ll be successful. I need motivation. I’m not ready to actually invite anyone to pop into my home unannounced, but I do want people to come to my blog to check my progress and hold me accountable.