Hoarders are slobs, but slobs are not necessarily hoarders.
I was thinking about this concept today as I made the French Toast Sticks that I was supposed to make last weekend, but never did. As I worked on them, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I bragged to the audience in my head that I know plenty of non-slobs who wouldn’t go to all of this trouble.
Then, once I had reminded myself (and my in-head audience) that I was a slob, I started thinking about that too. And how bad am I really? In these moments, I often start comparing myself to the people on shows like “Hoarders” in an effort to paint myself as not THAT bad.
Now that you’ve experienced my random thought processes, I’ll get to the point.
I’m not a full-fledged, can’t-cook-in-my-kitchen hoarder. But I have definite hoarding tendencies. I could be a hoarder, if I don’t try to kick this slob-thing. And really, at certain times, there are areas of my home that could blend right in on those shows.
Here are my non-trained-wanna-be-psychologist analytic thoughts:
A slob is someone whose brain works differently, and who tends (drastically) toward disorganization. He/she has a natural inclination to not see small messes until they become huge messes.
A hoarder is someone who has lost hope, and doesn’t think that there is any way to not be a slob.
I used to resist calling myself a slob. I had so many excuses for why my home was such a disaster. Owning up to being a slob has been a big part of this “coming clean” process, though. To me, it means that I’m accepting who I am, how my brain works, and I’m finding ways to adjust and compensate for my natural tendencies.
If I walk around thinking I’m normal, the mess baffles me. How did that pile happen? If I accept that I’m a slob, I start thinking through the reasons the pile happened, and I work to change.
There’s hope in that.
I watch Hoarders and think "I'm glad I'm not like THAT." Hubs watches Hoarders and wants to chuck everything but a pillow, toothbrush, and change of socks and underwear. I think it's because he's genetically predisposed to hoard… his parents can't get rid of stuff. I think I got this way because it was either that or be mad all the time because he didn't clean up after his lunch, or left his shoes blocking the door. But I don't know how to go back to my old ways now that he's trying more.
If you were a hoarder, you wouldn't have ever been able to hold a garage sale. You wouldn't be setting goals for yourself to do daily tasks. You wouldn't be working with your children to teach them to clean.
The thought of giving up your possessions, even worthless or damaged ones, would give you a panic attack.
Hoarding is a mental illness. Messiness is more like a learning disability. With a learning disability, you can acquire coping skills and awareness is half the battle. Setting goals and committing to using those coping skills (like list making) makes the difference.
I really admire what you're doing.
Very well put, Hypnobarb, and thanks.
I’ve never watched the TV show, but my mother-in-law was a hoarder. She would buy things and immediately put them into storage. She would cut out newspaper clippings, run 5 or 30 photocopies, and then keep them all.
My father-in-law set boundaries on how far she could pack things. When he told her that she had to get rid of her trash (mind you we’re talking about 1 box here or 1 box there), she would cry or scream or have a huge fit.
That’s why it’s called a mental illness. She was panicked at the thought of not having her stuff, and would do anything to keep it. And it wasn’t clutter. It was self-generating stuff.
Now that’s she’s gone, it’s been in my house for 2 years. And that’s why I’m a slob. It’s so huge that it’s hard to get started. And it’s like that every time I want to start. Once the boxes are waist high and once they cover more than 3/4 of a room, it’s debilitating.
But this summer, we started to get rid of stuff. We’re taking a break during the busy season at work, but I have plans.
Really (really, REALLY) late to the party but I thought I’d toss in a discussion I had with my sister in law once. She is an OCD (officially diagnosed and now on meds) clean freak. We were discussing our houses and she said one of the hardest things for her to accept was that my brother truly didn’t see the shoe that was out of place, while her brain couldn’t rest until it was where it belonged. She genuinely thought he was faking it to get out of “normal” cleaning.
So yeah, those of us who are natural slobs don’t see the shoe out of place until it’s a huge pile of every shoe we own, and to someone on the opposing side of the spectrum she can’t NOT see it.