I am my mother’s daughter.
I hear her voice come out of my mouth quite often as a mother myself.
I have accepted this.
But although I inherited many, many of her characteristics, there are some that did not get passed down.
We spent last week, Spring Break, at my parents’ lake house. It’s a fun place to go with the kids, and it’s free.
It is also stress-free. Stress-free because I could literally load the family into the car and drive there on a moment’s notice, not packing ANYTHING and be perfectly fine. It’s nice to have a change of undies, but there’s a washing machine and dryer, so it’s not a total necessity.
Why do I not need to pack anything? Because my mother has everything you could possibly ever need in that small two bedroom lakehouse. Everything. Everything you could possibly ever need.
Ever.
Ever ever.
As I was there last week, with just my small family instead of the full-family-Christmas-craziness, I had time to pontificate. As I opened cabinet, after cabinet, after closet, after nook, after cranny of stuff, I realized something.
I came by my gathering tendency honestly.
I have fully inherited the mindset that it is necessary to have everything you could ever possibly need at your fingertips. Even if the possibility is remote. Even if you’re not in your primary residence.
However, I did not inherit one very important complementary characteristic. Look at the following pictures and see if you can figure out what that characteristic is.



The ability to organize it.
My mother is a master at things like packing a pile of luggage bigger than a Suburban into the tiny Chevrolet Nova from my college days.
She loves gadgets and dividers and such, and she views something others would call “junk” with a creative eye, and sees that it is full of possibilities. And generally, she fulfills the possibilities.
She stores it neatly with labels and such, and can find most anything at a moment’s notice.
If a grandchild expresses an interest in needlepoint, she can immediately find a wooden-circle-thingy and a piece of fabric and an oversized needle and some embroidery thread to help them get started. And sure, they can take it home . . . because she has plenty more and she knows exactly where they are in case another grandchild wants to give it a try.
If the grandsons are getting a little rough with their football game . . . never fear, she can rig up some fabric scraps and a do-lolly to attach it and teach them to play flag football.
I have some of that in me. I love to solve problems. I love to come up with creative solutions.
I also, as evidenced by the incredible volume of “stuff” in my house, see great possibilities in “junk” and want to save it for just the right occasion.
But I didn’t inherit the “organize it” gene. All my great possibilities end up in a pile on top of a dresser or in the bottom of a closet.
When the need arises, I have a vague memory of having something like that, but no idea where it is. And then I just become frustrated with myself.
Part of this “coming clean” process is realizing that it is possible for me to be a creative, fun mother who helps my kids be creative and imaginative . . . . without keeping all of the stuff.
I can’t handle all of the stuff. And all of the stuff ends up discouraging me, and ultimately making me less creative. I have learned that I would rather have a cleared table on which to paint with 5 colors of paint, than 60 colors of paint that never get used at all because I can’t find a space where I can use them.
And just so you know, my mother is one of the three “real” people who know about this blog, and I told her I was going to be blogging about this subject. She is wonderfully encouraging and understanding, and gave me permission to “psycho-analyze” her.
my dad was like that. he had everything for every thing you wanted to do – archery, canoeing, skiing, four-wheeling, hunting, hiking, camping, dirt bikes, snowmobiling, mountain biking, wood-working, leather-tooling, mirror-etching, etc, etc, etc. everything had its place, nice and neat and labeled. 🙂
My mom is everything your mom is except she didn't inherit the organize it gene either. I think her mother might have been an organizer(at least that is my assumption from photos). My mom took her love of creativity and possibilities mixed with an inability to say no to anything and a special fondness for things that no one wants and our house became one of those "Hoarders" episodes. It has become completely apparant to my sister and I that organizing, implementing "systems", how to run a house, etc. are learned things not really genetic. We both struggle to this day learning how to do the things that for many of our friends is second nature(my brother lucked out by marrying an "organizer"). It is so important to us to figure this out while there is still time to help our kids learn how to own things without their things owning them.
Julie I agree and struggle too. My dad was a bit OCD for my younger years, so I dream of minimalistic and organization. He married a hoarder of sorts when I was 11 so, that was a bit strange. 35 yrs later when they passed the house had so many things in it the porch was fallling down. Things that were to be 'sold' or 'someone can use it' items. Never happened. So now I struggle with letting go of my own things, and now some items that I couldnd't just leave behind. My kids (20 and 24) say just get rid of it, you have too much stuff mom. Just toss it and forget about it. Soooooo hard to do, that tendency to keep it just in case is there.
Love this so much. I’d think we were long lost twins, except that I’m just like my mom too, minus some of her exceptional qualities I also hope to one day grow into. Thanks for writing such a sweet post. Your mom is one of my heroes – and so are you!
Wow. Just wow.
This helped me a lot. I see the genetic connection. Recognition is so liberating, isnt it?
My mom was super organized while also always being ready for a rainy day (she also had the benefit of having her mother, who was a secret hoarder, live close by, so when Mom needed to declutter something that could be useful one day, she simply passed it on to Grandma. With enough notice, Grandma could find most things anyone in the family was hankering for).
I am different. I see the possibilities, but I don’t have the super organized gene and I also have a lower clutter threshold, so I have ended up with a lot of clutter.
I am learning to let go of the possibilities and accept that sometimes I won’t have that wonderful thingy that I could have kept but didn’t, but it’s not the end of the world. I’ll live. And it’s infinitely better to not have all the might-be-able-to use-someday clutter around and live in the here and now, as you talk about in your books. Thank you for helping me find the freedom of less.
Both my parents lived through the Great Depression. We heard their stories of how they lived without alot of belongings. My parents swore they would always have what they needed. Our house was always full of random items and knickknacks. If something broke, my Dad could fix it with his never-ending stash of fix-it tools. We ALWAYS had what we needed. Everything was so organized. Only when my parents passed away did we realize they had some hoarding issues. I miss my parents and I miss that house!
Just get tough and throw the junk out! Do not be owned by a piece of wood or a “perfectly good” ugly plastic chair that your sister didn’t want when she gave it to you.