I think this is one of those big adjustments that never occurs to you before you have kids.
You don’t realize that quiet Saturday mornings spent reading a book in your pajamas, spontaneous movie dates with your best friend, and quick stops into the coffee shop for an indulgence that only takes a second . . . will never happen again. Never.
Ever.
One of the things I resisted accepting about parenting is that I don’t get a day off. There is no “work week.” No holidays. No 9-5. No weekends. If you do have a few hours or a day to yourself, it’s generally the result of hours of planning and begging favors of relatives.
It’s one of the reasons I’m incredibly thankful for our kids’ 8pm bedtime. And one of the reasons I was faking it when I cheered on my oldest for learning to tell time. No more pretending it’s bedtime at 7:30. Or 7:00.
Lately, I’ve been noticing (although I’m sure they’ve always been there) older women in the grocery store. They are leisurely strolling the aisles, getting what sounds good to them. Sometimes they have just enough for a meal or two in their baskets, and then a few of their favorite treats. They have earned a place in their life where they no longer have to meal plan. They don’t have to worry about the proper development of any one’s brain or bones or lifelong eating habits.
When I see these women, I have conflicting emotions. I look forward to those days, but I also feel an ache in my chest because I know that those days will come sooner than I can imagine.
I’ve said many times that I struggle with Saturdays, Sundays and basically any day that isn’t totally and completely normal. I’ve done well all week, and then today just got out of bed and walked into the kitchen without making my bed. I did catch myself and go back.
I’ve resented this fact before. The fact that if I don’t do all of the things in the house that need to be done daily, even on the day when everyone else is enjoying a change of routine, Monday will find such chaos that I start the week just trying to catch up from the weekend and end up never getting ahead. I’m not saying I don’t resent it sometimes now, but I hope I’m accepting it now.
I don’t want to wish away time. Not even an hour. So I want to enjoy the fact that I have three little ones. Even though it means that things never stay where I put them.
But as I do the daily tasks consistently, even on Saturdays, I do get to enjoy them. The children, of course, not the tasks.
Today I started to clean out my daughter’s drawers, but then realized that I hadn’t cleaned the kitchen. So I took the very few minutes necessary to clean the kitchen and then did the more “out of the routine” activity. Then, when my 6yo wanted to make his own fried egg sandwich because he’s “never EVER” cracked an egg by himself, I was willing to help him because I didn’t have to clean the kitchen first.
And since the kitchen looks pretty good, I’m less stressed and more willing to play a rousing game of UNO.
So even though I don’t have a handle on how to have my house Martha-Stewart-Surprise-Visit-Ready all the time, I’ve come so far with the daily tasks. With the house looking okay, my stress level is down. It makes me not feel guilty about taking time to enjoy the kids and the unique and fleeting stages that they are in.
I may not get many chances to take a break from my kids, but the most fulfilling times for me as a mom are when I get to take a break with my kids.
So what all have I done today?
Made bed.
Cleaned kitchen.
Ran dishwasher.
Ran a load of laundry.
Not much, but it will help prevent the avalanche of stuff to do on Monday.
--Nony
celina from canada says
Brilliant post…i think you've hit the nail on the head…when asked what shocked me most about becoming a NEW mom, was not eating a warm meal, or scarfing it down so fast i forgot what i ate, cause i didn't taste it.
My house is in shambles as i've recently (on thurs) found out i'm pregnant with #3. my current baby is 6! so now i start the battle of extreme morning sickness (hypermesis) so i'll be trying to simply and remind myself, i can do a few mins NOW to save hours later…
Mar says
I have the same feeling. I would full-time outside the house during the week and am a single parent to a 14 year old daughter. She does go out to stuff without me, but then I need to be available a couple hours later to pick her up, so it's not much of a break. On the other hand, I can't imagine how empty this house is going to be in 4 years when she's away at college! In other words, no matter what age the children are, it can be difficult. Congratulations on spending the time with the kids; you both deserve it.
Nony says
Congratulations Celina! That is so wonderful!
Marcella says
On Saturdays & Sundays, include in your daily task posts what you did with your kids (like that rousing game of UNO).
I’m enjoying your blog!
Abby says
When I was at home full-time, I used to hate weekends – especially long weekends – because the order I’d maintained all week was destroyed. My kids are older (8 and 5) and my husband is, obviously, an adult. I’m wondering what we can do to all have a role in keeping the house clean and functional. Loving reading this blog from the beginning … I’m hoping in the next three years’ worth of posts, you’ll find the magic answer! 🙂
jenny says
My three are all grown, we are almost empty nesters.
Two things that surprised me along the way.
Someday you and your honey will go to bed before your kids. After living years around bath time and bed time, you say goodnight and head to your room together while your teens are just getting started on their night. It feels weird, but no parent can/should try to keep teen weekend hours.
Another surprise was the return of Saturday morning. As newlyweds we loved our Saturday mornings, get up, have some breakfast, make a little love, snooze, a smooth start to a lovely day.
When our teens started keeping their own hours, and working weekend jobs- we happily returned to the smooth Saturday mornings of our younger days!
Dana White says
I’ve been thinking about how my parents went to bed before we did and wondering how weird that will be!!
Katherine says
I’m a single mom (widow) with a beautiful 17 year old special needs daughter. I love the daily tasks ideas and add our own unique things like practicing using her new augmented communication and using the stander and tje walker. Getting a handle on the basic decluttering and chores of life is freeing up more time for us to play and work on what is really important.
Thanks!
Dana White says
Love hearing this! It is amazing how much time is added to the day when those things aren’t so overwhelming anymore. So glad you and your daughter are seeing this benefit!