I loved this message! Stella has an amazing and realistic perspective of the challenges of navigating change in your home when you’re not the only one who lives there.
The main thing I know: You can’t change other people, but you can change your home.
This podcast has helped me so much over the last couple of years – Husbands and Decluttering Podcast #14
I’ve listened to it many times. I am the one who has had to take the lead in getting our home under control and my husband is only now starting to get on board and tackle some of his own things.
I get frustrated sometimes because I feel he’s not at the same place as I am with decluttering. But the truth is he will never care as much as I do. He does not see the pile of mess out in the yard as a problem. He will get to it when he gets to it and if that’s years later so what.
I try to accept that is just who he is. He doesn’t get stressed out or embarrassed by the state of our home. I am confident that given enough time, and if I continue to demonstrate my own commitment to getting our home in order, then he will slowly and surely come along for the ride, but at his own pace.
I see that his spending habits have changed, that he is far more likely to put things back where they belong now that I have created a space for things to live. The very fact that I have been sharing how my relationship with stuff has changed, and continues to change, is changing how he views stuff.
Yes, sometimes I feel hurt when he doesn’t do chores when it clearly bothers me, but it’s not personal. He doesn’t leave chores undone because he wants me to feel stressed out. It’s just how he is. So we need to find ways to make the way we live work for both of us and the best way I know how to do that is to figure out ‘just how much stuff we can handle’.
I want you all to know that:
Yes, it IS frustrating when others aren’t going at your pace (and probably never will).
Yes, others – including husbands – will improve over time.
No, neither is likely to happen as fast as you want them to and it will try your patience some days.
Yes, Dana has a podcast for that.
Stella Lee is the CEO (that’s chief embellishment officer) at Purfylle.com. Purfylle is about embellishing life through simplifying, decluttering and making time to appreciate your loves and passions.
Thanks for this reminder. I am working on decluttering, because I believe we are all overwhelmed by too much; too much stuff, too many commitments.My husband resists getting rid of things because they have emotional history for him. Thanks for the reminder that I have to respect his nature and not try to move him at my pace.
Hi Dana, What a happy surprise to see a post about my friend Stella today!
We actually met on here, then we started following each other’s blogs, and have become fast friends.
Thanks, Dana, for introducing us!
I’m just reading your blog for the first time this week and I listened to podcast 14 just ten minutes ago as I was putting away clothes! I nodded pretty much the whole time agreeing with everything!! Such an encouragement to set an example for my babies and hopefully my hubby too 🙂 who, by the way, is willing to do anything I ask him to do!
I just ran into this this morning! Our breakfast bar is his space to drink coffee, make notes, do phone calls, and eat. I had it organized for 30 days until he changed it back to his cluttered look. I was not pleased but will live with it for now. I have to pick my battles carefully!
After a year of my decluttering, surprisingly my husband is starting to come around on his own. He cleaned out a couple of his drawers and a couple bins in the basement. He also is starting to see the “hey, why do we need two of these?” philosophy.