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I love hearing from readers who have experienced real change and improvement in their homes. This story was especially good because it hits on the exact hangups I personally experienced and that I hear about from so many other readers.
Pay attention to the price tag she mentions . . .
Hello Dana,
I have mentally started this email so many times, mostly while decluttering.
Here is the biggest thing. I USED TO LIVE IN A LANDFILL. Fortunately, I did not realize that I was living in a landfill at the time, but it was a landfill because there is no other word for being surrounded by trash.
I grew up with 2 ideas that created my landfill situation. First of all was the 80s mantra: The guy who dies with the most toys wins the game. This thought created a love to just get stuff for the sake of having stuff. The second idea was instilled by my father: If something has potential purpose, you hold on to it because throwing it out is wasteful.
The result was we lived in a landfill, a pretty organized landfill but basically a landfill. I, as administrator, became very proficient at organizational solutions, but always felt like a failure because I did not see these items as just trash. Thank you for opening up my eyes.
I could go on and on but in the middle of my decluttering journey, and being able to recognize trash for the first time in my life, I ended up having to take care of the estates of both my parents and in-laws – 2 at once. I appreciate that I read your first book and was part way through your second book or everything would have ended up in my house.
My parents are lovely, caring people but held on to everything!! 50 plus years of stuff! My Dad kept the materials from their house renovations and happily collected other peoples. We actually tossed out full used vacuum cleaner bags.
The price tag on this clean up was $15,000 to have everything hauled away.
I now know that having to repurchase an item here or there is not the end of the world and it is OK if it does happen because keeping it all is expensive, too.
You have helped me so much because I finally understand why I struggled so much, and really have improved my life. I couldn’t figure out why I was constantly failing at this house thing, now I can appreciate and enjoy my home. I look forward to implementing your other steps in the process but I am still on tossing trash!
When an area is overwhelming and I tell myself that all I need to do is toss the trash (no organizing, no decisions, no figuring out how to re-purpose and no more guilt), it is actually such a fun and rewarding activity for me.
Bless you!!
$15,000! – There’s a poster to be made with this as an illustration. I am so glad you have found your way. Aren’t Dana’s ideas so freeing? Just throw the trash away. It’s amazing how much smaller a mess can be with this one step. Keep up the good work.
My scalp tingled at that $15,000 price tag. That’s what’s coming when my parents pass. I wish I could help them now, but they just won’t be helped. I don’t understand why my mom needs to keep trash. My parents are the reason that I am a compulsive declutterer (I *always* feel like I have too much, even when it’s just *enough*. I always feel like my house is messy, even when it’s not. I always feel insecure hosting people in my home, because I feel like they can tell I’m just faking this homemaking thing. Let’s just say I’m glad that I’ve found my people here).
Tear, that’s exactly how I feel. Always thinking that I have too much. Thank you so much for putting into words what I couldn’t describe to family.
One of the most helpful things I learned from Dana is that it is o.k. to just declutter first without organizing or sorting or buying bins etc….I used to get so stuck because I’d start with something like a closet and feel like I needed to figure out how to organize the closet and everything in it. Thanks to Dana I know it’s o.k. to just get stuff out the door! I am sure these concepts are simple to others, but they weren’t to me!
This is so me. Right now. We have decades of things cluttering our basement, garage and one spare bedroom. I literally have mini meltdowns thinking about the process. The thought of just going through and throwing the trash away is such a freeing thought. My sister-in-law (mother of 5 – 4 were in diapers at once) told me that each of her children got a large shoe box for Sunday School papers and all things never looked at again, but never to be thrown away. Once they gt a full box, they must make a decision about what to keep and what to throw away. I had never realized that organizing is decision making. My problem is getting rid of some of the emotional ties I have to things that belonged to my parents when they were alive. Your posts are helping me move forward. Thank you.
This is really a super lesson for us! I’m glad she shared it because the help and perspective it will give will reach many, many hearts. Thanks for sharing!
I also follow the $20 rule. If I do not know what or when I will use that thing, rather than put it somewhere, where I won’t be able to remember when and if I do need it, I just toss it. If I need that thing, I know the store will have another one for me. I can replace most “just in case things” for less than $20, and less than a 20 minute shopping trip.
Oh bless you Dana for sharing this and the reader who emailed you! I’m learning to let things go in my own home and now after my mom has passed away, my dad is beginning to let me declutter at least some in their home. (They were from the “depression generation ” and saw value in everything and saved everything. Even re-using aluminum foil, ziplock bags, bread ties, and has a hard time throwing away “good milk jugs “. ). But we are making progress. I’m so thankful to have read both books and listened to most of your podcasts. Otherwise like this lady, I would be bringing more of mother’s stuff into my home. I’m having to re-learn but it’s freeing and my home is so much more manageable! Thank you!
My folks also grew up in the depression era. Fortunately, they pared down quite a bit. From being ill and being on a fixed income, I finally realized that the anxiety I had when I got rid of things was not permanent. That took a while. Now, I don’t bring in anything unless I have purged something else first. I still have too much stuff. It’s not overwhelming anymore. If I still can’t find a decent place for it, I know that it’s probably past time to do another purge.
Ty 💜
wow, $15,000! Congratulations that you did it, expensive as it was you make it through to the “clean” side, even though the reason for it was sad. I know that Dana’s book “decluttering at the speed of life” was a game changer for me too. I do not have a time table to have it all done so I can do what I can when I have time. I constantly am getting rid of “things”. my Church will be having a yard sale in a couple of weeks, so that is a new incentive for me to be able to donate things. thank you for sharing!
Blessings to your reader for being brave enough to share her story, and thank you for bringing it to us. Have saved electronically as a cautionary tale.
I paid $6,000 to get rid of the trash that overwhelmed us when we put our rental property on the market. Best decision I ever made. Made my life so much easier and the property sold in 3 weeks. 🙂
I have a lot of my own decluttering to do (haven’t met a flat surface I can’t fill with whatever!), but my son (age 44), who suffers from clinical depression, had a real mess on his hands. If something arrived from Amazon, that box went in a pile with all the others. Or a pizza box stacked with others in the kitchen, etc. He felt frozen, like many of us, not knowing where to start. So I looked into “junk removal” companies. I asked him if it would be OK to hire someone – didn’t want to overstep. He was so pleased I did that. He couldn’t take off from work the day they came (saving up his PTO for when his 12 year old son visits from Alaska this summer), so I let the 2 guys into the apartment. We looked around, I explained some things (we were hoping to find a fedex envelope with his son’s birth certificates, which were not found). They explained how they charge, about how long they thought it would take, etc. My son went home on his lunch hour. They weren’t quite done yet, but he was absolutely blown away about how much better it already looked. They called me when they were done and I paid over the phone with my credit card. It was just over $1,000. He had more work to do – vacuuming for one. My son lives in a small 1 BR apartment – they only worked in the main room (which included all the stuff on the kitchen floor). He’s been working on general cleaning and organizing. I haven’t seen it yet (mobility issues), but he tells me he’s keeping it up. I said, just once, I don’t want to see it get bad again – once a week take a bag of stuff down to the dumpster – keep it up! He seems committed to do that. It’s done a world of good to have this done. I was a little blown away about the cost, but know he just didn’t have it in him to do it himself. Worth every penny. He did lose a few things – a game controller, for example, that were lost in the “pile”, but wasn’t upset about it – said it was his own fault. As for me, once I get a little further along in the decluttering, I’m going to hire a house cleaner to come in and do some deep cleaning for me. As I mentioned I have mobility issues that includes a lot of pain in my hips and back, and there’s a lot I just can’t do without taking to my comfy chair to rest for a long while.