Clutter Guilt is a real thing. I get questions about it. I did a podcast on the subject last week, and then had this idea for a series of videos.
For my own Clutter Guilt situations, I have the unique advantage of having a blog about decluttering, which means most people in my life (most, not all) KNOW I can’t handle stuff and understand when I have to get rid of things.
Most of them understood pre-blog, anyway.
But honestly, through the past five years of decluttering like a crazy woman, I’ve gained enough Decluttering Momentum that I no longer worry about offending the person who unloaded their own clutter on me. If they don’t want it in their home, I feel no obligation to keep it in mine.
I know. Sometimes it isn’t that simple.
There are times when you can feel obligated to offer the clutter/stuff/junk back to the giver before donating. I’m sharing a few approaches to these conversations this week.
(And mostly, I’m having fun.)
(Click here if you can’t see the video!)
Clutter Guilt Script – The “Playing Dumb” Approach
(Doorbell)
Guilter: (Answers door.) Well, hello!! How are y . . . What’s that? (looking down)
Guiltee: It’s those Christmas decorations you love so much! I kept one for memory’s sake (I hope that’s okay!!) but I thought I’d give them back to you since I don’t need them anymore and we just don’t have the space to store them!
Guilter: No, when I got new ones I gave those to you. They’re very special to me.
Guiltee: (Very serious.) I know. That’s why I’m bringing them back to you! (continue nodding seriously while attempting to place the box inside his/her house.)
Guilter: I don’t want them.
Guiltee: (Confused) I thought you said they were really special? Oh, I must have misunderstood. I don’t mind at all dropping them by Goodwill.
Guilter: You’re going to DONATE them?
Guiltee: (Confused) Of course! I don’t have the room, and you don’t want them. What else would I do with them? I wouldn’t throw them away!! I mean, these are very nice Christmas decorations!!
Guilter: But I got those at a garage sale in a very fancy neighborhood when I was pregnant with you.
Guiltee: Oh, so you do want them?(starts putting the box down)
Guilter: No, I don’t want them!
Guiltee: OK great! Then I’ll take care of everything! There’s a place I can drop them off on my way to pick up the kids from school.
Guilter: Bu. . .wha . .
Guiltee: Oh, I gotta go! See ya later!!
Feel free to memorize and use!!
--Nony
messee mami says
I struggle with guilt, when we moved out my mother in law gave me a bunch of my husband’s old stuff, trophies, baseball cards, etc. There were little bobble heads in there old taped up boxes, I opened them and put them in my boys’ room to go with there baseball theme. 10 years later! I still have not lived it down “They’re collectables, not toys!” she says. Keeping stuff in box, in a box that you didn’t wanna keep in your house but you want me to keep in mine?!?! Thanks for letting me vent *sigh*
Ti Anderson says
Oh jeez this was awesome! I died laughing! My only critique is that the unnamed-clutter-giving-family-member needed pearls to clutch in her horror lol. For me my clutter-gifter is my grandmother. Somehow I can’t convince her that I don’t need the junk either but since she never visits (I live over an hour away and she can’t get up my apartment stairs) I can declutter it worry free 🙂
Carrie says
Oh yes, I can sure see why you do plays! You are good. And great script!!
Lottie Schlamperdatsch says
Love this video!!!
Dear Noni, I found your videos (that one about the steammob first) on youtube in August and I thought “what a geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenial persiflage on all those homecare videos out there!”.
But I found out very soon, that you are a very real person and acually a kindred spirit. “Schlamperdatsch” means “Little Slob” in german and this was the nickname my mother gave me.
I watched all your videos, listened to all your podcasts, bought the “28days” (and since that day I never had back-pain again after washing the dishes) and finally read your blog from the beginning.
Gradually you have chanced my thoughts. It is very helpvoll to think “do the easy stuff” instead of beating me up for not having put things away immediately.
12 years ago I inherited my slob-mothers appartment crammed with STUFF and it took me 2 years to declutter it, because I had no car, no money to buy me help and lot of clutter guilt feelings.
In the end I got fairly good in getting rid of things, but even with less things I could not creat a peaceful home for myself and an open door for the people I love. Now I know, I inherited the slob vision too. And it will never come naturally to me to put things away asap, or straighten up things…
But I could finally give me permission to hire a maid. She does the cleaning every week, and I have only to do the dishes every day and a 5minute pick up before the doorbell rings.
Thank you!
Kindly excuse mistakes in my writing English is a foreign language for me.
Dana White says
Oh Lottie, I love this comment!!
Kelekona says
Haha. I have things at my mother’s house that I don’t have room for but don’t want donated yet. I’m somewhat good about picking out a few things every visit that I make “her problem” with means “donation is okay if you don’t want it.”
I even thinned out some of my toys for her toybox. (Basically she has toys that visiting children can play with. I told her that she could let them start to walk.) I did steal a set back for the nephews to play with while they visited, and I said “you can have them if you have room” since they had so much fun.
I’m not so good about just throwing things into the donate pile without that intermediate step, but Mom’s found some of it useful and other things got directly passed-on to people who wanted them. (Speaking of donation, right now is the perfect time to track down those xmas decorations that were given to me with good intentions but I never used.)
Patricia says
I’m laughing quite out loud at this.
…and wondering, do I memorize the ‘guilter’ or ‘guiltee’ part?
I’m praying that I can successfully downsize my junk… we’re planning a move! TO A SMALLER HOUSE!
…y’all pray too.
Trish says
Your clutter guilt script is hilarious but so true! I don’t want to offend people but I also don’t want their clutter dumped on me.
Bonnie says
That’s my sister! She can’t donate things to Goodwill, because the things are “too good still, have a lot of life left,” and even though I’ve told her 100 times (yes, 100), DO NOT BRING ME YOUR STUFF! I have a clutter problem the way it is! So, the woman cannot help herself, so now as soon as she brings me stuff, I put it directly in my vehicle. She has asked me what I’m doing with it and I say, “I’m taking it to Goodwill since you can’t.” It’s bad enough that I get her leftovers, but seriously she brings me LEFTOVERS!! YES!! From her fridge!!! I put it directly into the garbage. I tell her she’s delusional but that doesn’t stop her!
Kelekona says
There is nothing too good for Goodwill. They provide the service of taking stuff that people simply don’t want anymore and allow people who do want it to buy it. People appreciate it when the item still has a lot of life left. (Is she bringing worn-out garbage to Goodwill?)
It’s good that she’s not hoarding it. It’s bad that you’re suffering for it. Maybe you can introduce her to someone who will love first pick in exchange for transporting the rest.
The leftovers is a problem and I hope you get good advice for nipping that it the bud really soon.
Jane says
AhHAHAHAHA, that was HILARIOUS!
priest's wife @byzcathwife says
hahaha!!! This is PERFECT! (and you are a good actress!)
Kristy K. James says
For a long time, I was guilty of just giving stuff away to people I knew were hoarders. I hate holding rummage sales, and why donate to Goodwill if someone I know actually wants the stuff. Then I realized I was wrong when walking through one of their homes one day. They literally – and I do mean literally – had paths from one end of the house to the other, with stuff stacked halfway up the walls (and in some places higher). After that, I stopped taking anything over. I wasn’t contributing to anymore of that! Now I take my best ‘stuff’ to the Hospice store because I love that they use the money to take care of people in the end stage of life – at no cost to the patients or family. The rest either goes to Goodwill or gets trashed.
But I’m also the guiltee on occasion. My mother gave me a big old roaster pan when my stove quit working just before Easter one year. And I mean just before. So I used it to make the holiday dinner (yes, you can bake pies and rolls in one of those suckers). Anyway, that was like ten years ago and she decided I could just hold onto it for things like the big family potlucks. Well, so far, we’ve never needed it, yet this HUGE thing is still taking up space in my small pantry. Before the move, it took up space in my small laundry room. That’s all it does. Take up space. So at some point in the next week or so, I’ll be offering it on our family Facebook page. If no one wants it, it’s going to Goodwill.
Kelekona says
I hate to say it, but giving stuff to hoarders is worse than sticking it on the street. At least on the street, someone who will fully appreciate it might see it and snag it before it gets rained on. The hoarder is likely just to lose it under a pile of junk.
But I think you figured that out already, so good job on letting charity have your unwanted stuff.
AnnB says
Hoarders also go hunting for stuff left on the street or in thrift stores, because it’s too good to just leave there. Watch a few episodes of Hoarders to see who is mostly picking up stuff.
Once it’s in a thrift store at least it has a better chance of going to someone who needs it….even if just temporarily and may actually go back to be thrifted again.
Laura says
HILARIOUS! And so so good! Love the videos!
Kayla @ Shoeaholicnomore says
I love this series! How funny and still true at the same time. Awesome job Nony!
Kim says
Memorizing for use at Christmas! Oh, who am I kidding… I’ll need it when sooner than that!
Cassie says
I am LOVING this series of videos. Spot on and hilarious!! You’re awesome.
Sarah says
OML! I am dying over these!! So funny and so true!
Jen says
Awesome! And this is a good illustration for people who feel the need to offer to give something back to the person who gave it to them before donating it. Have your plan in mind & stick to your guns! You do no have room for this item. If the other person doesn’t want it, you will not keep it. Easier said than done, of course. But once you stand up for yourself in front of someone trying to make you feel guilty, it gets easier each time!
I need to find your post on how to tell people you don’t want something in the first place!
Btw, I just bought your e-books yesterday. I love that day 1 is just do the dishes. It helps to not feel overwhelmed. And once I washed quite a few dishes, I managed to find my stove hiding under the stack!
nikki says
So funny! I love the wig. I have massive hair and could never fit it under a wig. Is that your entryway? It looks really nice. I like the Huge W. I have a spot in my entryway that needs something like that. I am in a crazy guilt clutter situation. We are buying a house from my in laws. They moved to the country. Unfortunately they didn’t take much stuff with them. 80% of the stuff in our house isn’t ours but because of the deal they cut us on the house we feel guilty asking them to take their stuff.
Jacqueline Hubbard says
I just found out I was a hoarder, at 48 years of age. I just thought I had a lot of “stuff”. Since finding you (don’t know how but thank goodness I did) I have come to some horrific realizations. When you have to throw your pots ND pans in the cupboard so they stay there (and fall out when you next open it) you have too much. So much of my “things” belonged to my late mother’s and father I am going to need a lot of strength thaeo throw them out. I recently went through a bucket sitting high up on my laundry cupboard. Oh my lord, I haven’t touched it since I moved 16 months ago and feel ashamed of myself. I think I need to buy your book, go through everything you have written and try and come to terms with being a slob/hoarder. Thank you for your amazing insights. You are sooooooo talented.