Someone Has to Teach Them

Someone Has to Teach Them at ASlobComesClean.com

Like almost every mother since the beginning of time, I found myself thinking, “How did my son not see that huge mess??”

My 13yo recently had a highly brag-worthy modeling job. The back of his head will appear on the cover of my mother’s book that will release in September.

That’s the bigtime, y’all.

Anyway, with the money he earned, he had enough to buy a certain flat screen tv he’d been eyeing. It was the cheapest one he could find with the best reviews. Evidently, the 798 pound even-bigger not-a-flat-screen TV we had in the gameroom was the wrong shape. He found this out at a friend’s house when he saw that on modern-shaped televisions, you can actually see the score of the basketball/baseball/football XBox game you’re playing.

Huh.

Who woulda thought?

The square TV cuts that off (along with some other important stuff) .

The new TV arrived on an evening when I wasn’t home. Other than dad helping him move the Mammoth Old TV, he set it up all by his very self!

He did a great job, other than what seemed to ONLY be obvious to me: the insane amount of dust under the new CLEAR-BASED TV.

Clear-based.

Like, nothing whatsoever to hide the dust that had been hidden for a very long time.

So I taught him. I had him lift his new pride and joy so I could dust underneath.

These are the moments when I have to remind myself of a story I told in a recent podcast.

I was working at a summer camp, cleaning bathrooms. As bathroom cleaners, our instructions were extremely detailed and I knew for a fact that I’d done every single thing required of me.

But when the woman in charge came in, she pointed out the faucets on the sinks. I had absolutely no idea what the problem was with these faucets.

I’d wiped them down. I’d followed the directions. I was done.

But she explained they weren’t shiny.

I had never even noticed. But once she taught me to look for shininess, I noticed. Now, I always notice and I actually enjoy shining the faucets.

But someone had to teach me.

It’s my job to teach him.

Podcast Listeners Click Here.

--Nony

Do You Do That, Mom?

Do You Do That, Mom at ASlobComesClean.com

On our trip in July, there was an unfortunate incident.

There is one member of our family (I won’t name names) who has an extreme aversion to . . .

Ummmm . . . .

(How exactly do I put this??)

. . . wet undies.

Now, before you defend this unnamed person, let me explain that I completely and totally agree that no one should have to walk around in wet undies. Really. But this Nameless Loved One tends to FREAK OUT at the tiniest bit of dampness caused by all sorts of things that others seem to not even notice.

Freak. Out.

Well, after driving ALL day and then getting settled in our hotel room to sleep before leaving for the airport VERY early the next morning, we were down to one pair of clean undies per person.

Max.

Add that edge-of-the-undie-cliff situation to the unfamiliarity of a hotel bathroom and shower, and I’m sure you can guess what happened.

This solitary pair of necessary undergarments for this certain wetnaphobe got wet.

Oh. The horror.

This resourceful mama looked around (completely missing the hairdryer hidden under the sink) and decided to iron these undies.

The Child Whom I’d Really Like to Name But I Won’t was properly appreciative.

And I was proud. In a wow-what-an-awesome-mom-I-am kind of way.

Until this Appreciative-But-Too-Honest Child asked: Do you do that, Mom?

Supermom: What? Iron underwear? No way. (Deep breath to prepare for further instructive witticisms.)

Child-Whom-I-Kind-of-Wish-Wasn’t-So-Honest: No, Mom. I mean iron. Do you iron?

Slob Mom: Yes!! I most certainly do iron! At least twice a year, thank you very much! You just don’t see me do it. You know that thing on the back of my closet door that pulls dow . . .

Will You Please Stop Talking Child: Oh mom, I don’t need to know all that. I just wanted to know if you ever iron.

Hmmmph.

--Nony

Practical Tips for Getting Your Mama Body to the Pool

Practical Tips for Getting Your Mama Body to the Pool with Your Kids at ASlobComesClean

Me directing my 10 year old how to take the picture. And NOT drop my phone in the water.

This post over at the Creative Mom has been going viral, and I love it. It’s totally my philosophy. If you haven’t read it, you should. The author encourages moms to stop worrying about body image and get in the water with their kids.

It’s totally inspirational.

But you know me . . . I’m all about being practical. Inspiration only takes me so far.

So as someone who is committed to taking my three kids swimming at least five days each week every summer, I’ll share what I’ve learned over the past six years of hauling my own Mom Bod to the pool.

Look the Part.

This is the theatre teacher in me. Nothing irritates me more than someone wearing a 1940s costume with a 2014 hairstyle.

Huh?

What I mean is, be willing to play your role. All the way. Step into your character as Mom with Three Kids.

Sure, it’s awesome if you’re Fit Mom or Slim Mom, but not everyone gets to be cast as that character. Every play needs Frazzled Mom and Overweight Mom and Mom Who Doesn’t Have the Time or Money to Test Every Hair Product on the Market to See Which One Will Keep Her Hair from Frizzing. It’s THOSE characters who make the play interesting.

This is my philosophy. I’m a mom. I’m working on getting fit, but in the meantime I’m embracing my role.

Get swimwear you’re comfortable wearing.

Practical Tips for Getting Your Mom Body to the Pool with Your Kids at ASlobComesClean.com

OK. So the first part is more of a pep talk, but now I’m getting specific. (And, just for the record, I’m using some affiliate links.)

There are all sorts of modest, comfortable bathing suits out there.  Unfortunately, though, many are CRAZY expensive. Like, in $80-$100+. For a cheapskate like me, if I wasn’t fully convinced I would wear it more than twice in the summer, that price tag would make me decide I just couldn’t do it.

And that would be my final excuse for not heading to the pool.

So here’s what I do. I buy board shorts. I’ve done swim skirts before, but I don’t like how they float up in the water.

I linked to some for a decent price on Amazon, but I generally get mine at Walmart for around $10-$15. You can wear a one-piece with the shorts, but that makes bathroom trips, ummmm . . . difficult. (Especially with kids small enough that they have to come with you . . . )

I grab a bikini bottom from the clearance rack for around $7. I don’t care what it looks like since it’s not going to be seen. It’s like Swimmin’ Undies.

Then, I’ll spend a little more for a tankini top. Costco had them last year for around $15, but didn’t carry them this year. I got mine at Sears for about $18.

Total cost is around $40, but I’ve worn the same swim shorts for three or four years now. The other items usually wear out after a summer of intense use.

Oh, one more hint that’s really just personal opinion: Halter tankinis make you look awesome. Seriously, they lift the things that need lifting. However, if the things you need lifted are somewhat heavy . . . it will eventually (or soon) KILL your neck. I’m all about being comfortable so I don’t do halters.

Prepare realistically.

If you read and relate to this blog, there’s a chance you’re the mom who loves to think of EVERY possible thing you would need to make a trip to the pool perfect. You might even make a list. And that first time, you would rock it.

But then life happens. So here are a few tips I’ve learned from experience.

  • Drip-drying works. Towels, schmowels.
  • A big box of unmeltable, special snacks marked “POOL ONLY” is a good alternative to making snack decisions on a daily basis.
  • Small Sonic slushes are only 50 cents each from 2-4 in case you forget the special snacks.

Honestly, the ONLY thing I never ever forget (because we keep it in the Suburban) is the sunscreen. And FYI, the Banana Boat Kid’s (or Baby) Tear Free Sunscreenis the ONLY kind that doesn’t burn kids’ eyes or faces. No other “Baby” or “mild” sunscreens have passed that test for us. And believe me . . . we’ve tried them all.

Oh, and if (like me) you don’t like smearing goop on your face, get a hat. Moms are SUPPOSED to embarrass their kids. I’m loving this one. (I got it for less at Costco, though.)

Just Go

I had “get a cover-up” and “bring a friend to talk to”as other things to include, but I’m going to skip that. Just go. If you’ve avoided going with your kids, the first time will be uncomfortable and awkward, but that’s okay. My main motivation for being purposeful about going all the time is that there’s nothing else to do to stay active in the Texas heat. My kids are in AWESOME shape every summer.

My secondary motivation is the joy I get from watching my kids experience childhood.

I do get in the water. I do play with them some. But it’s also perfectly fine for me to yak with my Mama Friends while we tread water (or just stand in the shallow end) while the kids make their own fun.

Without any direction from me, they spend the summer learning to dive by doing 67,001 practice dives. They organize races and relays. They use splash balls and pool noodles to play baseball with kids they wouldn’t even recognize at school when everyone’s wearing clothes. They have Crazy Jump contests and make George Washington hairstyles by flipping their hair up in the water. They learn to do in-the-water handstands and flips.

It’s worth it. Totally, completely worth the hassle and discomfort of stuffing this Mom Body into a spandex suit. Over and over again.

I’d love to hear your tips for getting to the pool/lake/whatever with your kids!

Disclaimers:

I’m not a fashion blogger. You can stop laughing now. Or a swimsuit model. Seriously, get up off the floor.  I just feel the need to say that I’m not giving advice on how to look your best at the pool. This is how to get yourself there. No matter your size or shape.

I suppose it’s possible that Sonic’s drinks cost more wherever you live. Check the price before you order. If you send me a bill for the overage, I’ll throw it away.

I included affiliate links in this post. Every single time there’s a link to Amazon, it’s an affiliate link. I love love love affiliate links. If you follow one to Amazon and buy ANYthing there (even a new refrigerator), I get a teeny percentage of what you spend while your purchase price is the same as if you didn’t go through my link. It’s one of the ways I get to call this blog my job.

--Nony
--Nony

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