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Not Feelin’ It

Not Feelin It - A Slob Comes Clean

I’ve been in a funk. A funk that makes me feel like I have nothing worth writing on here. I’m hoping that if I just write about the funk, the funk will go away.

Here goes.

I’m tired. And a little stressed. I’ve mentioned my mother-in-law’s health in passing, but it’s not a passing thing. It’s a thing that is greatly affecting our entire family. She’s 82. She has osteoporosis. I never knew what that really meant until she started dealing with the horrible effects of it.

Basically, almost two years ago, she started having severe back pain. She’d been in the hospital for an asthma attack right before the back pain started so we thought it was a muscle thing related to being in the hospital bed.

Finally, when it didn’t go away, we found out she had a compression fracture in one of her vertebrae. Thankfully, there’s a newish thing called kyphoplasty that helps. But it involves time in the hospital because she has to go off her blood thinners before the procedure and then be monitored for blood clots after the procedure.

It was a relief when she got relief. But then it happened again. And again. And again and again.

The poor woman used to be 5’8″. She’s now, maybe, 5’2″. Any little thing can cause a fracture and we often have no idea what happened.

And now, in the past month, she has been in ICU for almost three weeks and on a ventilator for almost two. The lack of mobility combined with what would be normal everyday illnesses for most people brought about severe breathing issues to the point where we were told we “need to be ready.”

Thankfully, she’s doing much better and we’re hoping they will take out the ventilator tubes soon. (If you’ve never seen what it really means to “be on a ventilator,” just know it’s awful. So much worse than I ever imagined.)

Now, the challenge will be to figure out what’s best for her to get the care she needs.

But that’s life.

It’s just another example of how planning exactly how things will work in an ideal, house-is-perfect-all-the-time world is pointless. Life happens. It throws crazy things my way. I want to live those crazy things, though, because they’re usually the things I’m so glad I did.

Meanwhile, in the midst of all the craziness, I’m doing the dishes. I didn’t do them last night. Honestly, I just didn’t want to. I was exhausted.

But I did them this morning. My dishwasher is running right now. I’m thankful for the focus I’ve been able to place on my home through this blog for the past five years. It has allowed me to fully UNDERSTAND that in the midst of crazy, out-of-my-control times, that one simple routine will go far in the quest for sanity.

Thanks for listening.

 

———————————————

If the craziness of life makes you feel like you’re spinning your wheels and you don’t know where to start, I recommend my e-book 28 Days to Hope for Your Home (Not for the Mildly Disorganized).

 

 

--Nony
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Comments

  1. 1

    Illnesses and hospitalizations would put even the sanest of us in a funk! ((Hugs)) from cyberspace…we are hear to listen when needed. Wishing you, your family and mother in law the best.

  2. 2

    prayers for you and your family. Sometimes doing something little that we can control (like dishes) helps a lot to deal with the big stuff we can’t control.

  3. 3

    Hang in there Nony! The real day to day dealing with a parent’s illness and hospitalization is so hard! A rollercoaster of emotions at times… sad, frustrating, hopeful days, desperate days…we’re here for you and thinking of you!

  4. 4

    Oh man. My mom was on a ventilator in ICU back in November (Thanksgiving week sucked, let me tell you). It is truly awful to see. I’m glad your mil is doing better. Osteoporosis is rough. We have a neighbor who has it and she’s broken both her femurs just by standing up or stepping down. It’s crazy and it’s scary. Your family is in my prayers.

  5. 5

    So sorry. I will keep you all in my prayers. I agree with Tiffany sometimes doing even something little, like dishes, helps us deal better with all the stuff we can’t control.

  6. 6

    Oh, my dear. Lots of love to you and your family and especially to your mother in law. May God bless you all.

  7. 7

    I wouldn’t say that was a ‘funk’ I’d say that was straight-up-stressed-the-heck-out!! My thoughts are with you and your family. Remember that waiting (for tests; for people to get out of the hospital etc) IS an activity that takes energy and brain power. Give yourself (and everyone else) a break… you are all doing something very hard and completely invisible.

  8. 8

    Although this is a rough time for you, please enjoy you mil. I went through this with all the “grands” and although I was stressed, I tried to make my time with them count. I never regretted the time I spent with them. There is a saying for children that starts. ” Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow for babies grow up much to our sorrow” You could insert parents instead. Prayers for you and your family in this tying time

  9. 9

    I don’t have much of use to say about your MIL (just that really sucks and I’m sorry), so instead I will say this to hopefully brighten your day: Oh. My. Goodness. I finally caught up with you yesterday! I started reading you backward at the beginning of this summer and I finally caught up with you! I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have stumbled on to you. The way I think about housekeeping is so similar to you. Our trains of thought run along the same tracks. I’m not in a stage of my life where I have much control to make changes just now, but I now clean my kitchen EVERY SINGLE DAY and my mental outlook is so much more positive because I have concrete steps to take to deal with my household chaos. I use your two questions all the time. And, I cannot tell you how many times I have seen a two second task and almost put it off for later and then thought of you and did it right then. I really used to feel so defeated and overwhelmed that I gave up trying. So, thank you for doing what you do for us all. The sisterly encouragement and solidarity is SO, SO appreciated.

  10. 11

    Dana honey, I’m sorry you and your family are going thru such a difficult time right now. Cyber hugs!

    I rarely comment, but ‘ve followed your blog for a some time now so I feel like I know you. I’ve watched your podcasts and laughed out loud. You’ve spoken right to my heart like no one else ever has. You don’t know it, but you understand me like no one else.

    I was going to say thing others have said — keeping one little thing under control in your life will help your mind set. It really will. But if you’re too tired and stressed to do the dishes, let it go, and don’t beat yourself up. You’re only human. An amazing human, but still, only human.

    Hang in there.

  11. 12

    A cyber hug and a sincere prayer to one of my favorite bloggers.

  12. 13

    Prayers for all. Lord have mercy.

  13. 14

    {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

  14. 15

    Sending a great big hug for you, your mother-in-law, your husband and everyone one else in the family. My mom was on a ventilator for a week during this last summer and in ICU for a month. It is horrible. The whole thing is horrible. The house falling down around your head is just one more stress. I wish I could come and wash your dishes and laundry for you. I’m so thankful she’s doing better. Sending up prayers for all of you.

  15. 16

    I’m so sorry, Dana. I understand the funk all too well.

    I will continue to cover your MIL and your whole family in prayer.

    xoxoxo

  16. 17

    Dana,
    Sorry to hear of your MIL’s hospitalization. It not only is mentally tiring but physically tiring when a love one is hospitalized. Just wanted to let you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers for a full recovery. Does she live close to you all?

  17. 19

    You have my prayers and empathy. Caring for an aging parent is so much harder than we anticipate. My dad has Alzheimer’s and wound up spending almost 7 weeks with us this summer. We’re still reeling from the shock of day-to-day life while he was here, the disorder that overcame our home and lives and the eventual regrouping. Would I trade any of those days for a neater house? Absolutely not.

    Remember to love on and live life with your MIL in the moment, and delegate, delegate, delegate. Keep up with the basics and the rest will happen in due time. {hugs}

  18. 20

    I’m so sorry about and for your mother in law, and sending you many good thoughts in this ongoing crisis. My mother had osteoporosis, as well as Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, so I can relate and send you all very sincere sympathy. It’s just so hard. Mom died in 2001, in Sept. I’m 63 now, about the same age she was when she started down that road, so I worry, and try not to, since I know stress makes things worse. Easier said than done, of course. Mostly I’m trying to keep caught up on my too-many projects and also enjoy my life and count my many blessings.
    All good wishes to you and all of your family, from a long-time reader of your helpful blog.

  19. 21

    Hang in there, Nony. We love you.

  20. 22

    Oh, Dana, I’m so sorry to read this!! So much to work through there :(. Sending prayers your way.

  21. 23

    So sorry to hear about your problems and I hope that things resolve themselves pretty soon. I read your blog by chance & it’s funny how life sometimes throws something your way just when you’re feeling alone/fed up or however each of us terms it. I have been feeling sorry for myself & my situation which is too long to go into here, but reading about yours has helped put some perspective on mine. It’s okay to have our off days and agree with some of the comments, routines help us get through, when I lost my dad I still went to work, it helped me to focus on something else other than my loss. My thoughts are with you.

  22. 24
    Luisa Browning says:

    It is just so emotionally draining when someone you love is hurting and you can’t make it better. I’ve have been in your shoes. For me it was necessary to cut activities to the bare minimum in order to cope. So, I, for one, would understand if you need to take a blogging break and focus on family. Plus, I imagine that it is so hard to be “on” for writing posts when Real Life takes a bad turn. You took a break during the summer, and we survived (well, I did check the blog every day anyway, just in case you appeared, but still…) Goodness knows there is plenty of information and inspiration here to read back over. *Hugs*

  23. 25

    Prayers for you and your family.

  24. 26

    I’m sorry to hear about your mother-n-law. I will pray for your family. Thank you for blogging the way you do. It almost seems like I’m sitting at the kitchen table with you somedays. You are an inspiration to me. Keep up the good work – you are touching lives!!

  25. 27

    Sending your family and mother-in-law many hugs, good wishes, and prayers.

  26. 28

    I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother.

  27. 29

    I was in your situation about a year ago- and I completely understand how hard it is to keep up with even the most basic of household chores. What i wouldn’t have given for someone- anyone- to step in and help keep the house up. Just to have a few home cooked meals a week and the dishes and laundry caught up- and to know that i didn’t have to do any of it because trying to keep up with all the doctors and tests and medicine and procedures was exhausting. I will pray that you have local friends to step in and help out. I also pray for strength and discernment for you and your family during this time as decisions about your mil’s care are made.

  28. 30
    A Slob with OCD says:

    Dear Nony,

    My heart goes out to you. I went through protracted illness with my Mom, and it can be exhausting for caregivers as it is for the person who is ill.

    I also think this is post the reason that your blog is really as great as it is. That you are will to be honest and imperfect, and human. It’s always a source of encouragement to me.

    BTW, I am listening to all the podcasts in order from the beginning just like I did the blog, and it’s been just as great.

    I’m gonna go put one on now. While I do the dishes.

  29. 31

    Nony, I’m so sad for you and your family. I hope your MIL feels better, and that you are getting some rest. Girl, if I were you, I’d bust out some paper plates, plastic forks, and Solo cups. And I’d be visiting the golden arches. Hugs and prayers to you. xo-Kate

  30. 32
    Amanda Burt says:

    Hi,

    It has been awhile since I have made a comment (even though I still love reading your posts everyday), but when I read this post I just had to make a comment. I am a ICU nurse and know how difficult it is for families to see their loved ones intubated. Know that she is getting the rest that she needs to allow her to heal. My prayers to you and your family. May God’s grace be felt all around you. As for the rest, know that all of your readers understand and will be patiently waiting for your return to the blog world. We all love you!

  31. 33

    Hang in there and take care of your family! Don’t let you blog feel like a job or burden. We’ll still be here when you feel like writing again.

  32. 34

    Oh, Dana. Hugs and prayers to you. I hope that you. An find peace and your groove in this phase that leaves so much unknown. I can relate to your experiences. Had similar ones with my Grandma last year. Keep up the routine that you can. May it bring you comfort and hope for glimpses of light and relief.

  33. 35

    So, so sorry, Dana. It very hard to watch our loved ones suffer. It sounds like you’re working to find the balance of giving yourself grace and keepin’ on, good for you. <3

  34. 36
    FrancesAgape says:

    Hang in there !

    Sending Prayers/Good Thoughts your way

    We went through similar last year with91 yo MiL, this year with 92 yo FiL and my 98 yo father

    This too shall pass

    Hugs !

  35. 37

    WOW. I just discovered your podcast and Blog yesterday. I have listened to 7 episodes since yesterday afternoon. If I didn’t know better, I would suspect that you might be my future self giving me insight. Besides the obvious mess in my house, there is SO much in your slob-story that is EXACTLY like me. For example, last week I took my first BSF class and it is on Moses! Surprise, surprise, I was procrastinating on the homework. I am trying to put your suggestion Into Action. So far I have run the dishwasher two nights in a row!! I also did my homework for BSF. I am heading over to buy one of your eBooks now, partly because Im sure they will be helpful to me, mostly because I want to support your amazing work. If the HUGE challenges in your life are what it takes to skip the dishwasher, then you are my HERO!

    • 38

      Oh Wendy, I’m SOOO excited for you starting BSF. The Moses study is AWEsome. Life-changing, really. (They all are, but Moses is special to me since it was my first!)

  36. 39

    What I love about your blog is your honesty. I myself have only just realised (last week!) that the problems that arise on a daily basis for me and mean my house is never clean/tidy are not just irregular problems that will one day go away. They are my life. I am trying to accept that as soon as this latest batch of problems fade into history, they will simply be replaced by a new batch and I need to stop using them as excuses and actually get on with life in general. That’s just the way it always is. Thank you for your honesty and for making me feel like I am not a failure. Your is one of the few blogs I still follow after several years, and a breath of fresh air in a sea of Martha Stewart wannabe’s. I don’t want to say anything trite about your mother-in-law, because I know only too well that sometimes things will not be okay. I do, however, wish you the very best for you and your family. Take care x

  37. 40

    Dear Nony, thinking of you and praying for you. I’ve never had a relative in ICU but I have been the nurse. Holding it together at home may help, but remember there are far more important things than a clean house. Only do what helps your sanity don’t push yourself to do more. There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. Can’t remember the reference but it’s somewhere in Ecclesiastes I think! So there’s a time for cleaning and a time to focus on your family and your own needs. If I stop to look up the reference in the Bible I’ll never finish this comment. I’ve learned a lot from you. Thank you. Xx

  38. 41

    Just wanted to encourage you. My mother-in-law has been ill with dementia and heart problems for the last 4-5 years. Before that we took care of my father-in-law who died of colon cancer. The short process of dying in most elderly is hard, but the long process is even more difficult and trying for those of us doing it. My husband and I know that my MIL would not survive in a nursing home so we do it at home. Our house is a mess and that adds to the stress and frustrations, but it is where God wants us. God is molding us and working EVERYTHING for our good. There are days when it doesn’t look that way, but we do not know the end result. Trust in Him and know that you are helping out your MIL and it is what you are to do. Everything else will still be there.

  39. 42

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Thank you for being such an inspiration to me! I am finally, maybe finding some sanity thanks to your process of sharing honestly. I’m so glad to know I’m not crazy and I’m not alone! 🙂
    You are just wonderful!

  40. 43
    Bonnie Nipper says:

    It’s going to sound wrong for me to say this but I know how you feel. I told you via Facebook that it seemed like you’re writing about my life. One of the reasons I am so glad to have found your website is because my house and my family are recovering from a summer of neglect. I am an in-house daughter and primary caregiver for my parents. My mom went into the hospital on the 10th of June. She was diagnosed with sepsis and was placed on a ventilator in ICU. we were given no reason to hope for her survival. My faith has never been stronger than it is right now. My mom survived and finally after spending 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital and 5 weeks in nursing home rehab, I brought her home to a severely neglected home. I spent every waking moment at her side. I couldn’t have cared less about the state of my home. With the help of your website, things are getting back to some state of normalcy. My faith has never been stronger but it also has never been tested this much either. Two weeks ago, my dad fell 10 ft off a ladder and he now has a compression fracture of his t-12 vertebrae. I know your stress and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. You give so much of yourself to the folks here. Take care of yourself too.

    • 44

      Wow. You DO understand! I’m so glad your mother is doing so much better! And prayers for your father! Have they talked about doing kyphoplasty? It really does amazing things for the pain.

  41. 45

    I know what it’s like to be a caregiver of a loved one. I took care of my Mom & 2 grandmothers. Praying for you & your family. Thank you for being an encouragement to all of us. I can totally identify with how your brain works 🙂 Love your podcasts, too! Blessings, Sherry

  42. 46
    Marion Westerling says:

    I know how hard these times are. Praying for strength for all of you during this difficult period. Hang in there. You’ve got a lot of people pulling for you!

  43. 47

    Oh goodness! That is so hard. We’ve been doing the health problems with both of our families on a much smaller scale lately, but it does take over everything! Even knowing it is just a season doesn’t help much. Your family has been in my prayers.

  44. 48

    Sending my prayers for your mother in law and your family too. Housework will wait until you get back to it.

    Thank you what you do. I have tried for over 30 years to declutter and never could learn new habits until I found your blog and ebooks. I have my first habit of doing the dishes under my belt and have been purging my kitchen for the last 6 weeks or so and I’m almost done with it. I’m slowly working on bedrooms and bathrooms. They are a little harder to do with my 3 boys that keep me busy. I also still have a basement to tackle but know I have it in me to move forward with baby steps. I ready to be clutter free. Thank you again Dana.

    Blessings from Colorado ?

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