Sometimes I find myself holding on to memories . . .
that aren’t even mine.
People give me stuff. They don’t want these things in their own homes, but they hate to throw them away or donate their special items to an unknown-possibly-non-appreciative stranger.
So they give it to me. They know how much I love a good story. They know how my eyes light up over interesting or sentimental things. They figure my house is junky anyway . . .
But usually, these things that sound so interesting . . . have no place in my home either. Even less of a place than they once had in the giver’s home.
While they bought or once used the item, I never knew I needed it until it was offered to me.
When I cleaned out the garage recently, I found several such treasures. I’m highlighting one that was given to me by my mother. (The others might incriminate me in front of people who happen to read the blog and thought they did me a favor by unloading their stuff on me.)
I’m not blaming my well-meaning friends. I accepted these items, even delighted in the idea of them.
But once I find them forgotten in the garage, I can’t let someone else’s memory be what makes me keep them. I have enough of my own memory-laden-clutter to deal with.
The picture above is of a silverware box. It’s nice and all, but I don’t have any fancy silverware.
Like, at all.
My husband is excited if there are five clean forks at suppertime. (And that’s with running the dishwasher every night.)
Even if I did magically receive fancy silverware, I don’t know where in the world I’d put this rather large box.
But the box has a story. My mother found it in an antique store, and examined the partial-sticker on it.
The evidence sticker. As in, this was once part of an investigation of some sort. Perhaps it contained priceless pieces that were taken in a robbery. Perhaps it held the defining clue to a real mystery.
I love drama.
It was tempting. But I didn’t experience the joy of this antique-store-find. I didn’t have any relationship with the people who could tell an interesting story about this silverware box.
It’s someone else’s memory.
I have enough trouble dealing with my own memories. I can’t handle theirs too.
When the guilt of the memory-keeping-responsibility weighs heavily on me and makes me question my decision to get rid of something, I remind myself that . . . they didn’t want it in their own home.
So I don’t need to feel guilty about purging it from mine.
I’m linking this up over at Raising Homemakers for her Homemaking Link-Up.
What a great post!
My MIL has the same sort of fascination / attachment to stuff.This was so-and-so's great aunts 50th wedding anniversary card.
I may love you for this post!!!! Isn't the guilt of letting someone else's stuff awful!!! I have the same problem. when I decluttered during spring break, i'd say 50% of stuff I got rid of wasn't even mine! It was given to me and I knew I didn't need/want it when i accepted it but I couldn't say No. It came with a "I used this, got this, won this…and I want you to have it" How do you turn that down? No I have plenty of my own crap, I don't want your!?! Anyway, I have come to terms with the same thing…they didn't want it and should not fault me for not being able to keep it either. Now that i've learned how to let the stuff go, I need to learn to get over the feeling bad for it part *(sigh)*
I love a good story. And I picture myself walking around my house telling these stories to people who are truly interested in what I have to say. The problem is those items are stuffed out-of-sight. And it would take hours to dig them out. Not much fun for my guests. Oh, well. Guess I will write the stories for my children.
Always so good to know I'm not alone!
Shannon, I laughed aloud about picturing yourself walking around telling these great stories. That is so me!
Although I love getting blessed by people giving me stuff, it's the biggest reason why I have so much junk.
My sister and I had a good laugh recently. She was holding on to o ur (deceased) dad's army jacket. She finally decided to ask our mom if it was OK to get rid of it. When she asked her about it, my mom informed her that my dad didn't have an army jacket! It's gone now…
I've been reading regularly for a couple of weeks now (found you through Mama's Laundry Talk), and I'm finally commenting to let you know that I fight with the 'memories monster' every. single. time I try to declutter. I was working on boxes of 'stuff' on Monday – getting mad at my Mom for holding on to my 4th grade papers for so many years and then giving them to ME to go through. Here's hoping that 1) I end up with a house we love to live in and 2) my kids never get mad at me for burdening them with MY memories.
I am totally guilty of this! I've found 2 effective ways to help me deal with it:
-Call my husband in, tell him why it's special to me (or was to someone else lol) and then toss/donate it
-If it's really tempting to keep (my son's binky's for instance) I take a picture and then toss/donate.
I love your blog! So glad I found it through Simple Mom.
I understand how you feel. There was a time when all we had were things that others didn't want and I hated all of it. Many times relatives thought because we had nothing in our home that their junk would be a great place to be rid of unwanted stuff. It's amazing how time changes everything. Now it's me asking my kids if they would like to take some of my things. Loved your post today. Hugs….
My first thought when I saw the box was oh boy,that would make a great jewelery box.This is part of the reason my house resembles a dumping ground for things other people don't want.I'm making progress though because I took a bag of stuff to the thrift store for Moma without looking in it or going in the store. There may be hope for me yet.
That was a pretty awesome find though!
Um…an evidence sticker is a spec-tac-ul-ar find, however, now your putting it back out there in the world for someone else to delight over. Good for you.
Wow!! Loved your post…. yes, yes, YES!!! That is exactly what happens alot in my house! My mother will say "Oh, I have this bag of stuff that I'm going to bring up & you can go through… blah, blah, blah"…. I make a point of trying to beat her to the punch…. I get to her house BEFORE she brings it to mine…. I go through it, really looking at stuff & making sure it's not something that I want (I mean… look at this stuff, it's in great shape! Some of this stuff is NEW!!! And it's all FREE!!!!!…. – mmmhhhmmmmm, yep, I know you're thinking those same thoughts)… I have been very 'good' in recent months at taking very little – only what I know I've been seriously needing, looking for or wanting…. not just because it's FREEEEEEEEE!!!!! lol
I am reallllly trying to learn to say NO. No to over excerting myself, No to extra "stuff", No to stuff I'm just going to drop in the dumpster on the way out of my Mom's neighborhood. guilt, guilt, guilt. ugh.
Ha! I *almost* bought one just like this last week at a thrift store… but realized as cool as it looked, I didn't really NEED it.
We are so kindred, you and me. I can't tell you how many things are in my house because they aren't mine and I just can't bear to throw them away. I think it's a sickness.
I read Peter Walsh's book called "It's All Too Much" and his take on that kind of thing was that if they wanted it, they should've kept it. Obviously, if it's in my house, the original owner doesn't want or need it, and I should feel okay getting rid of it. So, I have.
Mostly.
Oh, this really hits home. I have tons of my own "memory stuff" (mostly my kids' stuff) but ever since my parents moved out of the house I grew up in (5 years ago) and my mother-in-law moved out of the house my husband grew up in (um, longer than that), I have all of THEIR stuff as well.
My m-i-l's stuff stayed in our garage for several years, in unopened boxes, before I realized that not only did my husband not know we had any of it, but even my m-i-l did not seem to remember what "treasures" she had given us. So I called the local Habitat for Humanity ReStore and scheduled a truck pick-up which of course meant I had to actually figure out what to give them, and it was a lot. Easy peasy once I made myself do it.
But what's left now is boxes and bags of letters and photos (my parents' house was the repository of ALL of that stuff from both of THEIR parents' homes, so I have several generations' worth). It's so hard to know what to do with them — I'm not too sentimental about knick-knack type things, but really sentimental about letters and pictures. It's a long, hard process!
Letters and pictures, especially from family history can be very precious. And cluttery. I have had to learn that a scanner is my friend.
Oh, my. We are clearing my mom’s attic (now that my sis has time to help!) and I’m running into the same thing – “Do you want this? It was your great-grandmother’s and it’s an antique…” Well, what do you say to that? I can’t just say, “No, why don’t we toss it” because it’s a beautiful ceramic pitcher, and it has been passed down all these years, and mom kept it for some reason (unknown to me, she can’t even tell me except that it’s important). Oy. If I wasn’t feeling guilty enough, she gets this look in her eye and says, “Well, you could always look it up on eBay and sell it, make some money…” like it would hurt her to do so. I can’t win.
Uuuugggghhh…… the stuff my mother in law gives me. And simultaneously voicing concern we have too much clutter. The latest…..a copper bucket sitting in our garage…. And my husband is a sucker for other people’s clutter(that pot is antique!!!!! And I might use it one day!!!). One day we literally threw down over some stuff his sister had unloaded on us and he told me I was ungrateful for getting so mad about it! We have so much clutter of our own, it just sent me over the edge. :-/ Thankfully, he is doing better at saying no for us….to most stuff….except the copper pot, of course!